Most Popular Jokes

In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, And darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said,
"It doesn't get any better than this." And so God created Man in His own image; Male and female He created them. And God looked upon Man and Woman And saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth With broccoli and cauliflower and spinach And green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, So Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And so the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said,
"Super size them." And Man gained five pounds. And so God created the healthful yogurt, That Woman might keep her figure. But the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained five pounds. And God said,
"Try my crispy fresh salad." And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds. And God said,
"Why doth thou eatest thus? I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables And olive oil with which to cook them." But the Devil brought forth chicken fried steak So big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds And his bad cholesterol went through the roof. And so God brought forth running shoes. And Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control So Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds. And so God brought forth the potato, A vegetable naturally low in fат and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into сhiрs and deep-fат fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip. And Man clutched his remote control And ate the potato сhiрs swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said,
"It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And the Devil cancelled Man's health insurance. So God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken. And cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice. And the Devil created light вееr So Man could poison his body, While feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man gained another 10 pounds. And Woman ventured forth Into the land of Godiva chocolate, And upon returning asked Man, "Do I look fат?" And the Devil said,
"Always tell the truth." And Man did. And Woman went out from the presence of Man And dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, East of the marriage counselor. And the Devil said,
"It doesn't get any better than this."
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How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"
How many Sun readers does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
How many Sun readers does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
None, but one is enough to sсrеw up the joke.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Duh.... whats a lightbulb???
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.
How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.
How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
There is nothing to change.
How many fatalists does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.
Blonde Jokes
A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.
"How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher. 
"I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle," said the little boy. 
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?" 
The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, "Mister, you've got yourself a deal." 
The preacher took the mower and began to crank it.
He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.
The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start." 
The little boy said, "That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started." 
The preacher said, I'm a minister, and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I don't even remember how to cuss." 
The little boy looked at him happily and said, "You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya!"
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Блондинка постъпила на работа в офис. A Blonde & Her Thermos Thermoskanne Οι καφέδες Ο θερμός Κρύο και ζεστό блондинка приходит в магазин и видит незнакомый предмет: - что это?... Блондинка вижда термос в колегата си. Blondynka wchodzi do sklepu i jej uwagę przyciąga błyszczący obiekt na półce, zaciekawiona pyta sprzedawcę: - Co to jest? - Termos - odpowiada sprzedawca. - Do czego służy - pyta znów blondynka. - Pomaga utrzymać gorące rzeczy gorącymi, natomiast zimne zimnymi - objaśnia sprzedawca. Blondynka... A loira foi contratada como secretária de um empresa. Já no pirmeiro dia, o chefe pediu para providenciar café para o pessoal. ansiosa por agradar o chefe, ela foi até o bar com a garrafa... Πηγαίνει μια ξανθιά σε μια καφετέρια με ένα θερμός στο χέρι και ρωτάει το μπάρμαν : - Χωράει αυτό το θερμός πέντε καφέδες; - Ναι, της λέει εκείνος. - Ωραία. Βάλε μου τρεις εσπρέσσο, ένα φραπέ με...
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John O'Reilly hoisted his вееr and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself.
You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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Съседни гинекологически кабинети. Due amiche: - "Com'è andata dal ginecologo?" - "Mi ha detto che ho un clitoride come un melone." - "Grande?" - "No, dolce"
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