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I had an idea once, and a light bulb appeared over my head.
Chuck Norris had an idea, and the sun was created.

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A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day.
"Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of вееr left, so I let my baby brother have it."

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Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Ваng.

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Three men stranded on an island.
They were walking across the sand when they came across a magic lamp; they rubbed the lamp and out came a genie.
The genie said "you have three wishes but make it quick."
So they thought about what they were going to wish for.
The one man said, "I wish I was at home with my family."
So the genie said your wish is my command, and he was gone, then the second man said
"I wish I was in the pub with my mates."
So he was gone.
The last man said, "I am lonely and I want my friends back."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Genie jokes

Boy: Let's play the firetruck game.
Girl: How do you play?
Boy: I run my fingers up your leg, and you say "redlight" when you want me to stop.
Girl: Okay :)
*Few seconds later*
Girl: REDLIGHT!!
Boy: Firetrucks don't stop for redlights

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Dirty jokes

„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?“ asks mother .
„Come on mom, the most important thing is that I’m healthy!“

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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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There's a fаggот between Y and I on your keyboard... look!

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Dirty jokes

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
I wonder if it's mine.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?”
“Yep.”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call.
I need my garden plowed.”

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Police Officer Jokes

Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys.
The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hаrdсоrе.
The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and кill it by gorging its eyes out."
The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth."
Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his реnis.

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Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of sтuрid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.

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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear !

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this вееr, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his вееr saying, "So did I!"

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George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt.
This parrot was a very nasty parrot.
It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer.
The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped.
George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.”
He opened the door and saw the bird alive!
The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again.
George said, “Why the change?”
The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."

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Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce?
A: Ten thousand!

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The true reason why the Nаzi's lost the war was because they stopped trying after they found out Chuck Norris had a summer home in Russia.

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There's a medical term for those who willingly defy Chuck Norris... оrgаn donors.

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Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes History Jokes

What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii?
Moo moos.

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Animal Jokes

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