Newest jokes - Page 2572

Facebook is reportedly thinking of ways to incorporate health into their array of services.
Here’s how it’ll work: If you get a cut or a bruise or something, take a picture of it and post it.
If it gets more than 100 likes, you’re cured.

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I'm a mailman. At Christmas this year, Mrs. Jankowitz met me at the door and invited me in for a great breakfast spread. After I ate, I thanked her and she said,
"There's more." She took me to her bedroom and showed me moves I had never imagined. I told her I had no idea she felt this way. She said,
"I don't." I ask, "What was all this about?"
She says,
"I asked the husband what to give the mailman." He said, "Sсrеw the mailman, breakfast was my idea."

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Sex Jokes Christmas Jokes

There is nothing wrong with sеx on TV – as long as you don’t fall off.

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Sex Jokes

I heard this one from an old sailor
A girl walks into her trailer and says,
"Pa! I need to borrow the tractor to go up to the store and buy me some cigarettes."
Her Pa says,
"Alright, but you gonna have to work for it."
"What do I have to do," asked the girl. "You gonna have to вlоw me if you want that tractor."
"Alright Pa," says the girl.
The girl starts suскing her Pa's diск. A second later she say, "Ew Pa, your diск taste like shiт!"
Her Pa replies,
"Sorry, your brother borrowed the tractor this morning."

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Office and Work Jokes Redneck jokes Sailor Jokes

A woman is approaching a very small Bistro.
She calls the barkeeper and when he is standing in front of her she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer.
Then she bends over the desk and starts to carress his beard.
"Are you the boss of this Bistro?" she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.
"Ehhh. No.
Not at all!" the barkeeper replies.
"Would you please call him here?" the lady asks and gently touches his hair.
"Oh, I'm very sorry.
But no.
Impossible!" the barkeeper sighs who has - no doubt - fun with this situation.
"Would you then please do me a great favour?" the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.
"Of course.
What ever you wish!" the barkeeper moans.
"I want to leave a message for the boss!" she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently suскs on.
"What message?" the barkeeper asks with the two fingers in his mouth.
"Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel on the lady's toilet!"

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Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes Boss Jokes

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U. S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush', ‘Diск', and ‘Colon'. Need I say more?

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Men jokes USA Jokes Military Jokes Life Jokes American Presidents Humor

What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man?
Tarzan stripes forever.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

Having been erased, The document you’re seeking Must now be retyped.

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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes

I used to work in a superstore. One day a sparrow flew in and perched itself by the ceiling. Management wondered how to catch it.
I suggested that we keep a computer terminal unoccupied.
"You can catch it when it stops by to tweet."

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Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes

Chuck Norris: The Game starts directly with the ending video.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure
Wonderful saying,
Horrible way to find out you were adopted.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Whats the similarity between getting a bl*wjob from an 80 year old and walking the tightrope ?
In both cases you really dont want to look down !

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Dirty jokes

What do you get when you take a Kitty Kat to the tailor?
Bad Blood.

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Animal Jokes

There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde.
Their all at the NASA space center.
The redhead says to the flight technician, "I want to go to the moon".
The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says,
"I want to go to Mars".
He says she can go next week. The blonde says,
"I want to go to the sun".
The flight technician says,
"Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says,
"Well then I'll go at night."

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Blonde Jokes

Doctor to patient:
"Why are you nervous?"
Patient:
"Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation."
Doctor:
"But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Why Are black peoples hands and feet white?
When God painted them he told them to assume the position

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God Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class.
The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it.
So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
"Abcdefghijlkmnoqrstuvwxyz."
"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
"It's running down my leg."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

Once little Johnny heard a grunting noise upstairs. He goes in his parents' room and sees them moving under the blanket . His dad comes out and says "Oh ! Son we were just wrestling ." Little Johnny says "Oh. I"LL BE HULK HOGAN!!" And dives in the bed.

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes Superhero Jokes

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed.
In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband.
Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning.
She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?" he replied.
"And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."
Baffled, she said,
"Yes, I remember. So?"
"I would have gotten out today."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

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