Newest jokes - Page 2582

Are you an exception? I bet I can catch you.

0 0

Flirt jokes

Yesterday I went to a lightbulb party. And it was lit

0 0

Light bulb jokes

Once you go black, you're a single mother.

0 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Single People Jokes

When I asked my girlfriend if I could fuск her in the аrsе, she looked at me with a wicked glint in her eye and said, “Baby, I’m happy to try anything you want me to, just so long as you’d be prepared to do it yourself… So, do you still want to fuск me in the аrsе?”
“Actually, I’ve changed my mind,” I replied. “I want you to have sеx with your sister.”

0 0

Sex Jokes Dating Jokes

Why don’t Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.

0 0

Math Jokes

Cousin It was getting tired of being just the hired hand around the Addams family household. The family had moved to the feudal nation of Armenia and It decided to run for feudal lord. While not quite a democracy, elections were still the path to choosing the next leader who would exercise power and authority over the nation.
With Gomez, Morticia and Festus fiercely campaigning for their beloved candidate, election day arrived. The precincts opened, ballots were cast, and the votes were counted. The polls had showed a close contest between the four candidates running, but when the final tally was announced, Cousin It had received the most votes.
With all the Addams family and his supporters cheering him on, Cousin It was beside himself as he approached the podium.
"I won! I won!" It screamed. "Bring me the wine. I'm serving!"
With glass raised, Gomez shouted, "When IT reigns, IT pours!"

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Political Jokes Wine jokes Superhero Jokes

There once was two people Lisa and Brian
They got married and had a child.
The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso.
So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body.
So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first вееr ever.
When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out.
When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out.
After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body.
As they left the bar, he was very drunк and was hit by a bus and he died.
The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."

12 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Dad Jokes Beer Jokes

Lawyer: ‘Let me give you my honest opinion.’
Client: ‘No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.’

26 0

Lawyer Jokes

Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
To find Pluto

1 0

Animal Jokes Space jokes

Son: Dad, will you remember me in 5 years?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 year?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 6 months?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 month?
Dad: Yes
Son 1 week?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 5 days?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 5 hours?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 hour?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 30 minutes?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 minute?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 second?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Knock Knock
Dad: Who's there?
Son: See, you forgot me already!!!

0 0

Kids Jokes Knock-knock jokes Dad Jokes

“A three-year-old girl in the US state of California has accidentally shot her younger brother dead with a gun found in her home, say police. ”
The thing is, this tragic event could have been averted had the parents had the foresight to buy the younger brother his own gun so he could defend himself.

0 0

Police Officer Jokes Criminal Jokes

Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his diск after his mistress found the ring in his trouser pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep
I don’t know what’s worse:
1) Having your mistress find out you’re married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your dick
3) Or finding out your diск fits through your wedding ring.

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Cheating Jokes

At the gym… just finished my 3rd set of selfies.

0 0

Fitness jokes

I told my wife that I would get a tattoo on my рескеr of a one-million dollar bill. This way she can вlоw a million bucks without leaving the house.

0 0

Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

People joke about 9/11, but its not funny
My dad died in 9/11
Best pilot in Saudia Arabia

0 0

Pilot Jokes Aviation Jokes

Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage.
‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her.
‘Then you should leave your husband.’
‘I would,’ says Beryl.
‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’

22 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

A block of gold walked into a bar, the bartender said ‘AU, get out!”

0 0

Bar and Bartender Jokes

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed:
“Give four advantages of вrеаsт milk.” What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can’t steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.

0 0

School Jokes Science jokes

In this era of political correctness, you really have to watch what you say. I had an incident here in New York City on the subway. This black gentleman approached me really enthusiastically, and he asked, 'Hey man, did the Yankees win?' And I said, 'Yeah -- you're free.'

0 0

Nationality Jokes Men jokes Political Jokes

A woman with a clipboard just knocked at our door.
She asked me if we would have an Ethiopian child for Christmas.
We normally have a turkey but, fuск it, I’ll try anything once.

0 0

Jokes about Women Christmas Jokes Masturbation jokes

Latest Jokes