Newest jokes - Page 2582

Son: Dad, will you remember me in 5 years?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 year?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 6 months?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 month?
Dad: Yes
Son 1 week?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 5 days?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 5 hours?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 hour?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 30 minutes?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 minute?
Dad: Yes.
Son: 1 second?
Dad: Yes.
Son: Knock Knock
Dad: Who's there?
Son: See, you forgot me already!!!

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“A three-year-old girl in the US state of California has accidentally shot her younger brother dead with a gun found in her home, say police. ”
The thing is, this tragic event could have been averted had the parents had the foresight to buy the younger brother his own gun so he could defend himself.

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Police Officer Jokes Criminal Jokes

Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his diск after his mistress found the ring in his trouser pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep
I don’t know what’s worse:
1) Having your mistress find out you’re married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your dick
3) Or finding out your diск fits through your wedding ring.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Cheating Jokes

At the gym… just finished my 3rd set of selfies.

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Fitness jokes

I told my wife that I would get a tattoo on my рескеr of a one-million dollar bill. This way she can вlоw a million bucks without leaving the house.

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Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

People joke about 9/11, but its not funny
My dad died in 9/11
Best pilot in Saudia Arabia

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Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage.
‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her.
‘Then you should leave your husband.’
‘I would,’ says Beryl.
‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’

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Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

A block of gold walked into a bar, the bartender said ‘AU, get out!”

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed:
“Give four advantages of вrеаsт milk.” What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can’t steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.

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School Jokes Science jokes

In this era of political correctness, you really have to watch what you say. I had an incident here in New York City on the subway. This black gentleman approached me really enthusiastically, and he asked, 'Hey man, did the Yankees win?' And I said, 'Yeah -- you're free.'

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Nationality Jokes Men jokes Political Jokes

A woman with a clipboard just knocked at our door.
She asked me if we would have an Ethiopian child for Christmas.
We normally have a turkey but, fuск it, I’ll try anything once.

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Jokes about Women Christmas Jokes Masturbation jokes

What’s the best part of аnаl sеx with a shемаlе?
Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

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Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

This Week’s Headlines You may have missed: …
• Chicago Police Will Use Orange Chalk To Outline Bodies During The Week Before Halloween…
• One of 10,000 Monkeys Sitting At 10,000 Typewriters cranks out “The Quick Brown Foxegty[57klfd@t”…
• Prisoner Undergoes Colostomy Surgery After Dropping Soap In the Gang Shower…
• Slide Rule Manufacturer Begs For Government Subsidies to Stay in Business…
• Bull In Fitting Room Complains that Jerseys Aren’t Tight Enough…
• NBC Ponders New TV Series:
“Airline Tragedies” A Pilot Is Being Put Together As I Write…
• Рrоsтiтuте Installs Card Reader in Vulvа; Johns Can Swipe their VISA or MasterCard Before Shаgging…
• Attractive 3rd Grader Demands Russell Stover Dark Chocolates From Strangers…
• Olives Suffer Depression Because They Aren’t Ugly Enough to Make Extra Virgin Olive Oil…
• Beauty Mark on Model’s Face Leaves to Pursue a Solo Career…

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News and Politics Jokes Police Officer Jokes Halloween Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup.
A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?"
And the man said,
"Where do get coffee for 3 cents?"
And the beggar said,
"Who buys retail?"

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Money jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Jewish Jokes Coffee Jokes

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. …
…
He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely rареd by a dozen whоrеs than let liquor touch my lips.” …
…
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Irish jokes Aviation Jokes

A newspaper editor announces that there's enough money in the budget to install a newsroom chandelier. The reporters huddle and send a spokesman to say they're against it.
"Against it? Why?" the editor asks.
"First," the reporter says,
"No one on the staff can spell 'chandelier' well enough to put it on an order form. Second, I don't believe that anybody here can play one if we had it. And third, if you got that much money, we think you should get a hanging light instead, to brighten up the office!"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Business jokes

What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!

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Police Officer Jokes

Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Нiтlеr.

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Military Jokes Old People Jokes

Why did the niggеr walks into a bar?
The cell door was still locked.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

How come oysters never donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

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