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Latest Jokes

Bill had been quite the ladies man and player all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.
“Bill,” advised the doctor, “I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your old routine of wine, women, and song.”
Bill thought for a few minutes, then said:
“Tell you what doc, I’ll settle for five more years and just give up singing.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Wine jokes Sick and Death Jokes

My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.

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Dad Jokes

Why is World Autism Day after April Fools’ Day?
Because it takes longer for them to get the joke.

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April Fools' Jokes

Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night.
He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's lawyers gathered around the рот-bellied stove, discussing the town's business. Not one offered to allow Dow into the circle.
Dow told the men who he was, and that he had recently had a vision where he had been given a tour of Неll, much like the traveler in Dante's Inferno.
When one of the lawyers asked him what he had seen, he replied, 'Very much what I see here: All of the lawyers, gathered in the hottest place.'

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Military Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What did the neutrino say to the planet? – “Just passing through.”

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Space jokes

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....
So I was like na, more like pirate and воотy.

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Sailor Jokes Pirate Jokes

Knock knock.
Whose there?
“Doorbell repair man“

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Men jokes Knock-knock jokes

My attractive female neighbour is completely paranoid.
She thinks I’m following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is….. Purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it’s not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

I once thought I had a Japanese friend…. But it was just my imagine Asian.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Friendship Jokes Asian jokes Japanese Jokes

A man 80 years of age married a young lady. A year later he carried her to the hospital, and she had a baby. The nurse said to the man:
- ”At your age, how do you do that?”
The man answered, “You just have to keep the motor running.”
Another year passes, and the man carries her back to the hospital, another baby. The same nurses said to the man and asked: ‘You are something else, how do you do that?”
He said,”I told you that you just have to keep the motor running”. Another year and back tot he hospital for another baby. The same nurse said:
- ”You are unbelievable, how do you do that?!”
He said:
- ”You go to keep that motor running.”
She answered:
- ”Well, you better change oil, because this one came out black.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Nurse jokes Cheating Jokes

I’ve recently joined my local boxing club and the trainer there suggested that I tried skipping to get fitter.
After doing this for an hour, he handed me a rope and said, “Use this. You won’t look as gаy”

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Fitness jokes

I've been in love with the same woman for 20 years. If my wife finds out, she'll кill me.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste?
The last dentist is busy killing a lion

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Dentist Jokes

Pilot: Have you ever flown in a small plane before?
Passenger: No, I have not.
Pilot: Well, here is some chewing gum. It will help to keep your ears from popping.
Pilot (after the plane landed): Did the gum help?
Passenger: Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can’t get the gum out of my ears.

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Office and Work Jokes Pilot Jokes Aviation Jokes

Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies dead.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Friendship Jokes

A sреrм donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar Walked into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?
**Awkward silence**
Me: It took him a couple bytes

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Science jokes Dog jokes

Politicians should be limited to two terms. One in office and one in prison

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Office and Work Jokes Political Jokes

News: A 14-year-old girl with an allergy had to go to hospital after a kiss from a boyfriend had traces of nuts on his lips.
Not the best way to find out your guy is gаy, one would assume.

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News and Politics Jokes Masturbation jokes

Gаys are very sociable types.
They like to widen the circle of their friends.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Friendship Jokes