Newest jokes - Page 345

What is Jehovah's wiseness favorite band?
The Doors.

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Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Lady goes to doctor with a bee up her fаnny.
Doc says, "Im gonna rub honey on my d*ck and insert it, when the bee smells it, I'll pull out and he'll follow."
Doctor starts and woman begins to moan.
Doctor gets faster and harder.
Woman yells, "What the fuск you doing?"
Doc says, "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the ваsтаrd."

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November?
A: Bomb fire night.

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Terrorist jokes

One of the two adult female friends got married and went on honeymoon to Hawaii.
On return curious other girl asked her friend, “What sightseeing places did you go in Hawaii and what did you see?”
The honeymoon girl explained, “For seven days, I saw only the fаn on the ceiling of the room and occasionally when turned around, I saw the bed sheet too.”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Halloween Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A conversation among my Children's Church a while back.
A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!"
The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Church jokes Baby Jokes

Your families are extremely proud of you.
You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing.
This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Graduation Jokes

My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday.
So I took her out, got her drunк, and crashed the car.

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Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Q: What do you do when your computer gets wet?
A: Put it in a bowl of rice, an Asian will show up and they will fix it.

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Computer Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Asian jokes

I just had an argument with a girl I know.
She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fuскs a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fuскs just two guys in a year, she's a sluт.
So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.
But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shiттy lock.
That shut her up.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes

Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."

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School Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Student jokes Love Jokes

The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."

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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes Priest Jokes Vulgar jokes Catholic Jokes Christian Jokes Priest Jokes

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got воwеl cancer."

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Yah!
Yah who?
Naaah, bro, I prefer google.

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Computer Jokes Geek jokes Knock-knock jokes

A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an еrестiоn.
Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread.
So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread.
The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it."
Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."

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Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Jewish Jokes Communication Jokes

A man goes into a library and asks where he can find books on suicide.
‘First row on the left,’ replied the librarian.
The man replies, ‘But I’ve already looked in that section.
It’s empty.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ says the librarian.
‘They don’t often bring them back.'

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Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head.
The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my аss?

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Political Jokes Democrat jokes

In Africa, in a hospital, a black man entered armed – he had a knife on him – stick in his back!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Africa Jokes Black People Jokes

One day on a plane there were 100 bricks and one fell off. How many are left? 99
What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge? 1. open the fridge 2. put the giraffe in 3.close the fridge
What are the 4 steps to putting a rhino in the fridge? 1. open the fridge 2. take out the giraffe 3. put the rhino in. 4. close the fridge.
The animals were throwing a party and all the animals but one came. What was it? The rhino
A girl crossed a low bridge over crocodile infested water, but didn't die. Why? The crocodiles were at the party.
When she got to the other side she died though. Why?
A brick fell from a plane and hit her on the head

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Animal Jokes

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