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МОМЧЕ Е, МОМЧЕ Е, ОЩЕ НЕ МОГА ДА ПОВЯРВАМ Ich schrie: "Es ist ein Junge. Ich kann es noch gar nicht fassen. Es ist ein Junge." Ich war so gerührt, ich stand sprichwörtlich in Tränen. "It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I can't believe it, it really is a boy." That's when I swore never to return to Thailand. 11 years ago today my pal James came running out shouting lts a boy!" With tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.
Sex Jokes
A first-grade teacher, Miss Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Boy what is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My
sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Miss Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the Principal's
office. The principal told Miss Neelam he would give the
boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test:
Principal: "What is 3x3?"
Boy: "9"
Principal: "What is 6x6?"
Boy: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third-grade should know. The principal
looks at Miss Neelam and tells her, "I think the boy can go
to the third-grade."
Miss Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of
my own questions. Can I ask him?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Miss Neelam asks: "What does a соw have four of that I
have only two of?
Boy, after a moment: "Legs"!
Miss Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I don't have?"
Boy: "Pockets"!
Miss Neelam: "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Boy: Coconut
Miss Neelam: " What goes in hard and pink then comes
out soft and sticky?"
The Principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Boy quickly answered..
Boy: Bubblegum
Miss Neelam: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
The Principal's eyes again open really wide and before he could stop the answer....
Boy: Shake hands
Miss Neelam: "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"
Boy: "Yep"
Miss Neelam: "You stick Your poles inside me. You tie me
down to get me up.. I get wet before you do."
Boy: "Tent"
Miss Neelam: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me
when you're bored. The best man always has me first."
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took
one large Patiala Vоdка peg.
Boy: "Wedding Ring"
Miss Neelam: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I
drip. When you вlоw me, you feel good."
Boy: "Nose"
Miss Neelam: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
Boy: "Arrow"
Miss Neelam: "What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?"
Boy: "Firetruck"
Miss Neelam: "What word starts with a 'F' and ends in
'K' & if u don't get it u have to use your hand"
Boy: "Fork"
Miss Neelam: "What is it that all men have. It's longer for
some men than on others.
The nuns dont need it. The pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?"
Boy: "SURNAME"
Miss Neelam: "What part of the man has no воnе but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?"
Boy: "HEART"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the
teacher: "Send this Boy to University, I got the last ten questions
wrong myself!"
Учителката на първи клас мис Нилъм (28 години) имала проблеми с един от учениците си. Too Smart Bir gün Ali, öğretmeni Ayşe Hanım'a giderek dersten sonra kendisiyle görüşmek istediğini söyledi. Öğretmen kabul etti ve sordu: У учительницы первого класса Мисс Нилам (28 лет) возникли трудности с одним из ее учеников. Она спросила: Вовочка обращается к учительнице: Il piccolo Thomas chiede alla sua maestra se può parlare con lei dopo le lezioni. Lei è d’accordo. Alla fine della lezione: – Cosa volevi dirmi Thomas? – Maestra, penso di essere troppo... De juf vroeg hem: "Pietje , wat is jouw probleem ?" Pietje antwoordde: "Ik ben veel te slim voor de 1e klas. Mijn zusje zit in de derde klas maar ik weet veel meer dan zij en dus moet ik òòk... Le petit Thomas demande à sa maîtresse s'il peut lui parler après le cours. Elle accepte. - Alors, que veux tu me dire Thomas ? - Je pense être trop intelligent pour rester dans cette classe, je...
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I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq:
he's running out of patience. And so am I!
For some time now I've been really рissеd off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me quееr looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.
As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.
Some of my neighbors say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? 
But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a сriме with which to charge my neighbors. They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and
all the while Mr Johnson will be finalizing his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult.
Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want! And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only 
way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us. That's why I want to вlоw up Mr Johnson's garage and кill his wife and children.
Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.
Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'.
It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it?
How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead?
But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror.
What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.
Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist?
Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead?
But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims? It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up. Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come. It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
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