Latest Jokes

Bei der Marine nehmen sie jetzt nur noch Nichtschwimmer! Във флота вече вземат за моряци само хора, които не могат да плуват. Говорят, что в будущем в морфлот будут брать только не умеющих плавать - они намного лучше защищают свой корабль! Die Marine nimmt jetzt bevorzugt Nichtschwimmer in Dienst. Warum? Na, weil die im Ernstfall die Schiffe länger verteidigen!
Military Jokes
МОМЧЕ Е, МОМЧЕ Е, ОЩЕ НЕ МОГА ДА ПОВЯРВАМ Ich schrie: "Es ist ein Junge. Ich kann es noch gar nicht fassen. Es ist ein Junge." Ich war so gerührt, ich stand sprichwörtlich in Tränen. "It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I can't believe it, it really is a boy." That's when I swore never to return to Thailand. 11 years ago today my pal James came running out shouting lts a boy!" With tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.
Sex Jokes
A first-grade teacher, Miss Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Boy what is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My
sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Miss Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the Principal's
office. The principal told Miss Neelam he would give the
boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test:
Principal: "What is 3x3?"
Boy: "9"
Principal: "What is 6x6?"
Boy: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal
thought a third-grade should know. The principal
looks at Miss Neelam and tells her, "I think the boy can go
to the third-grade."
Miss Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of
my own questions. Can I ask him?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Miss Neelam asks: "What does a соw have four of that I
have only two of?
Boy, after a moment: "Legs"!
Miss Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I don't have?"
Boy: "Pockets"!
Miss Neelam: "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Boy: Coconut
Miss Neelam: " What goes in hard and pink then comes
out soft and sticky?"
The Principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Boy quickly answered..
Boy: Bubblegum
Miss Neelam: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
The Principal's eyes again open really wide and before he could stop the answer....
Boy: Shake hands
Miss Neelam: "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"
Boy: "Yep"
Miss Neelam: "You stick Your poles inside me. You tie me
down to get me up.. I get wet before you do."
Boy: "Tent"
Miss Neelam: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me
when you're bored. The best man always has me first."
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took
one large Patiala Vоdка peg.
Boy: "Wedding Ring"
Miss Neelam: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I
drip. When you вlоw me, you feel good."
Boy: "Nose"
Miss Neelam: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
Boy: "Arrow"
Miss Neelam: "What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?"
Boy: "Firetruck"
Miss Neelam: "What word starts with a 'F' and ends in
'K' & if u don't get it u have to use your hand"
Boy: "Fork"
Miss Neelam: "What is it that all men have. It's longer for
some men than on others.
The nuns dont need it. The pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?"
Boy: "SURNAME"
Miss Neelam: "What part of the man has no воnе but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?"
Boy: "HEART"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the
teacher: "Send this Boy to University, I got the last ten questions
wrong myself!"
Учителката на първи клас мис Нилъм (28 години) имала проблеми с един от учениците си. Too Smart Bir gün Ali, öğretmeni Ayşe Hanım'a giderek dersten sonra kendisiyle görüşmek istediğini söyledi. Öğretmen kabul etti ve sordu: У учительницы первого класса Мисс Нилам (28 лет) возникли трудности с одним из ее учеников. Она спросила: Вовочка обращается к учительнице: Il piccolo Thomas chiede alla sua maestra se può parlare con lei dopo le lezioni. Lei è d’accordo. Alla fine della lezione: – Cosa volevi dirmi Thomas? – Maestra, penso di essere troppo... De juf vroeg hem: "Pietje , wat is jouw probleem ?" Pietje antwoordde: "Ik ben veel te slim voor de 1e klas. Mijn zusje zit in de derde klas maar ik weet veel meer dan zij en dus moet ik òòk... Le petit Thomas demande à sa maîtresse s'il peut lui parler après le cours. Elle accepte. - Alors, que veux tu me dire Thomas ? - Je pense être trop intelligent pour rester dans cette classe, je...
School Jokes Dog jokes