Newest jokes - Page 684

At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead.
The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him.
Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd.
"Let me at him, I can help him," she says.
"What can you do?" ask the rescue people.
"We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late."
"I can," says the woman. "Stand back!"
And she promptly takes off her раnтiеs, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face.
Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up.
"What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed.
The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."

28 0

1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island.
After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself.
After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her.
After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.

30 0

Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar movie collection except for one. he's never gonna give you Up

34 0

One-Liner Jokes Facebook Jokes History Jokes

How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!

24 0

History Jokes Kids Jokes School Jokes

Yo mama so fат the only liquor she knows is liquorice.

58 0

Fat Jokes Food Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

What do you call it when someone farts in a Gаy Bar?
Mating call

47 0

Fart Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence.
Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green."
The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall."
The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors."
From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?"
The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly."
Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shiт my pants!"

28 0

School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Fart Jokes

What did the boy with no hands get for christmas?
Gloves!
Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet

0 0

Christmas Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Birthday Jokes

“What do we want?”
“HEARING AIDS!”
“When do we want them?”
“HEARING AIDS!”

12 0

Disability Jokes

Q: What did the basketball say when he got deflated?
A:
"Oh ваlls."

25 0

Communication Jokes Sports Jokes

There were five brothers named somebody, nobody, anybody mad and brain.
One day somebody and nobody were fighting, and just at that moment the anybody called police.
The police picked up the phone, and said hello.
Then Anybody:
"Hello sir! I want to inform you that somebody is beating nobody."
Police:
"Sorry!"
Anybody:
"Sir somebody is beating nobody"
Police:
"Are you mad? Who are you? What's your name?"
Anybody:
"No, sir mad is dancing, I am anybody"
Police:
"Shut up you idiот. What are you saying? Where have your brain gone? Is it lost?"
Anybody:
"No, sir brain is not lost. Brain is in the bathroom."

32 0

Police Officer Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes

What do you call a bunch of niggеrs in a school bus?
A rotten banana.

16 0

Black People Jokes Car and driving jokes School Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Boycott Jokes

After Chuck Norris was born, he drove himself back home.

26 0

Birthday Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Q: When will scientists cure the common cold?
A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.

25 0

Birthday Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Political Jokes Science jokes Republican jokes

An archaeologist found an old fossil
He was sure that his find was colossal
He could tell by the bend
And the dent in the end
‘Twas the Peter of Paul the Apostle!

0 0

Limerick Jokes Funny Poems

In Days of Old …
When Knights Were Bold …
And Ladies Weren’t Particular …
They Lined Them Up Against The Wall, …
And Fuскеd Them Perpendicular

0 0

Limerick Jokes Funny Poems

Photons have mass? I didn't know that they were Catholic.

0 0

Christian Jokes Religion jokes Science jokes

What are Women Really Thinking?
So many men, so few who can afford me.
Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares?
And your point is?
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

19 0

Jokes about Women Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Chocolate Jokes Coffee Jokes

Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

25 0

Chocolate Jokes Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Q: You know why women haven't landed on the moon?
A: Because there is no shopping centre.

24 0

Jokes about Women Beauty Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Latest Jokes