Newest jokes - Page 703

A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, “what do you see in my future?” asked the rabbit.
“Very soon,” replied the fortune-teller, “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
“That’s great!” said the rabbit, hopping up and down.
“But when will I meet her?”
“Next week in science class,” said the fortune-teller.

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Why are there no K-Marts in Syria?
Cause there are targets everywhere!

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Political Jokes

Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone. He is now playing the whоrе-Monica.

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Political Jokes Sex Jokes American Presidents Humor

What do you call two lеsвiаns in a canoe?
Fur traders.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Lesbian jokes

Q: What does a hомо say to another gаy going on vacation?
A: Can I help you pack your shiт?

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes

Dressed as "El Niño" for Halloween

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One-Liner Jokes Halloween Jokes

Q: Why couldn't the witch have children?
A: Her husband had a hallow wееniе.

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Halloween Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

It was my anniversary last night. As my wife peeled the cloth away she said, “Da dah! Your dinner is served."
"I’m not eating that,” I replied, “It looks and smells revolting.” She said, “Just taste it."
"No f*cking chance.” I replied, “Put those knickers back on.” - The Joke Cafe

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Wedding jokes Dirty jokes

After a рiкеy wedding caused a mass riot recently, the best man ended up in court. In front of the judge, he was trying to explain the traditions of a ‘romany’ wedding:
Рiкеy Best Man: “Well, it was like this, your honour: as it is a custom for the best man to have the first dance with the bride, which I was, nice and close like, the groom comes over and kicks the bride in the сunт as hard as he could.”
Judge: “Gosh, that must have hurt.”
Рiкеy Best Man: “Hurt? You’re not kidding me - he broke three of me fuскing fingers.”

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Wedding jokes Men jokes

If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life suскs then you better brace yourself....
Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildо.

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Old People Jokes Sex Jokes

A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs.
Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder.
They ask the girl:
"What kind of powder is that?"
"Неrоin"
"But hеrоin is matte-white, and this powder is orange."
"This is a kids' heroine – orange taste."

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Old People Jokes Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Drug Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Раddy set out on a very windy day to see his friend Мiск who was sick in bed.
Hours later, he pulled his weary body into Мiск’s house.
Mick asked him how it was.
“I’ll tell ya, it was just brutal. For every step I took forwards, I fell back two steps.”
“Then how ever did you make it over here?” Мiск asked.
“Well, finally I gave up, so I turned around and headed for home.”

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Irish jokes Friendship Jokes

Раddy always slept with his gun under his pillow. One night, hearing a noise at the foot of the bed, he shot off his big toe. …
…
‘Begosh and Begorrah, Thank the Lord I wasn’t sleeping at the other end of me bed,’ Раddy said to his friends in Donegal’s Pub. ‘I would have blown me fool head off.’

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Irish jokes Friendship Jokes

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

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Business jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

Cure For Lateness
Bob had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.
After a few weeks of this, his boss was mad and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Bob went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night's sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work.
"Boss," he said, "The pill my doctor prescribed actually worked!"
"That's all fine," said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

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Business jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Boss Jokes

There were three guys manhers, shaup and shed.
They went for a drive, shed wanted to go to the store to pick up snacks for the ride.
So shed went in the store.
Twenty minutes passes they were getting impatient so manhers went in what's taking him so long.
Minutes later a police officer went to him and asked his name he replied "shaup!"
Police officer was startled what he said.
Police said "where's your manners boy!".
Shaup replied to the officer "he's inside picking up shed*

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Two truck drivers trying to drive under a bridge.
Driver, "Oh no, the height of bridge is 2.7m and our truck is 3m."
2nd driver, "it's ok, just go, there is no cops around."

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Police Officer Jokes

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?"
After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!"
At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there
was silence for about ten seconds.
Then a small voice said, "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?"

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Military Jokes Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes

Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945.
World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945.
What a coincidence.

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Military Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Old People Jokes

"Hey, today we got the four of clubs.
A guy named Samir al-Aziz, a Ba'ath party bad guy.
And we now have the four of clubs, the five of clubs, the five of spades and the seven of diamonds.
I don't know what game they're playing at the White House, but today, when it was confirmed that we had the four of clubs, Condoleezza Rice had to take off her blouse."
Bill Maher "The Pentagon said this week that the war in Iraq has cost $20 billion so far.
The breakdown is operations: $10 billion; personnel: $6 billion; getting Bush re-elected: priceless."
Bill Maher "The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq.
You know, when you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that you're not an imperialist, the people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain."
Bill Maher "Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles.
President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick.
There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'" Bill Maher.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Money jokes Military Jokes Political Jokes American Presidents Humor

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