Newest jokes - Page 702

It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.

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How do construction workers party? they raise the roof.

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Office and Work Jokes Motivational Jokes

Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.
Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"
Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.”
Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."
Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?"
Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"

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Men jokes Friendship Jokes Beauty Jokes

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuскin' checking account"
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dаммiт, I said I want to open a fuскin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"
The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.
They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no dамn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuскin' checking account in this dамn bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and this вiтсh is giving you a hard time?"

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Banker Jokes Boss Jokes

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just cant hold it in!

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Love Jokes

Never laugh at your girlfriends choices... your one of them.

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Love Jokes

Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..

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Life Jokes

Mom can i buy some heels?
No.
Mom can i buy a вrа?
No.
Mom can i buy a dress?
No.
Mom can i buy a barbie doll?
No. You never let me buy anything!
Shut up, Justin.

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Music and Musician Jokes Life Jokes

Chuck Norris has the iPhone 5...he got it back in '84.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

When Chuck Norris surfs the Internet, he actually surfs on a virtual wave of 1's and 0's.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Computer Jokes Internet Jokes

Yo Momma is so fат, she can sit on a t3 cable and make the internet traffic slow right down to 1 bit per day.

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Technology Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes Internet Jokes

At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead.
The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him.
Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd.
"Let me at him, I can help him," she says.
"What can you do?" ask the rescue people.
"We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late."
"I can," says the woman. "Stand back!"
And she promptly takes off her раnтiеs, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face.
Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up.
"What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed.
The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island.
After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself.
After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her.
After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.

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Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar movie collection except for one. he's never gonna give you Up

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Facebook Jokes One-Liner Jokes History Jokes

How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!

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School Jokes Kids Jokes History Jokes

Yo mama so fат the only liquor she knows is liquorice.

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Food Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes Stupid Jokes

What do you call it when someone farts in a Gаy Bar?
Mating call

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Fart Jokes

Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence.
Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green."
The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall."
The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors."
From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?"
The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly."
Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shiт my pants!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Fart Jokes

What did the boy with no hands get for christmas?
Gloves!
Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet

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Dark Humor Jokes Christmas Jokes Birthday Jokes

“What do we want?”
“HEARING AIDS!”
“When do we want them?”
“HEARING AIDS!”

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Disability Jokes

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