Latest Jokes

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
“Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
“Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
“Husband Wanted”.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father,
“Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
A young son asked,
“Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad replied, “That happens in every country, son.”
Then there was a woman who said,
“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.”
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say - talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy says, “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy remarks, “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
” A Woman’s Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I’ll just beat him to death “
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Two women decided to go out one evening, without their husbands. Laughing the entire evening away and finding that they had consumed entirely too much wine, they decided it was time to head home.
They were about halfway home when both ladies decided that they needed to find a bathroom quick. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. A little bit scared and tipsy, they decided they’d just have to stop there, as they couldn’t wait any longer.
Stumbling off the road into the cemetery they soon discovered they had no toilet paper or kleenex but the trip being an urgent one, they decided to ‘just make do’!
The first one decided to use her раnтiеs and then discard them. The second one had on new раnтiеs and not wanting to leave them behind grabbed a big ribbon from a floral wreath on the grave stone next to her.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one of them said to the other: “You know, we’ll have to keep a closer watch on our wives. It seems that those two were up to no good last night. My wife came home in the wee hours without her раnтiеs!”
The other one responded: “Well, you’re lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her вuтт that read: We will never forget you… The Carboni Brothers.”
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Farmer Jokes
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and the attorney were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."
A preacher on his deathbed summoned his doctor and his lawyer. They came, and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands. They sat thus for a long while until the doctor stirred and said: A senior Catholic Priest in Kenya was dying in a hospital and for his death wish he asked to see the local MP and the county Governor. En präst var döende, och han skickade efter två brottslingar. När de kom dit bad prästen dem att ställa sig på var sin sida om sängen där han låg. Prästen låg där och log. Till slut frågade bovarna...
Lawyer Jokes