Newest jokes - Page 754

When I was 22, I'd be like, 'Shut up, man. I ain't gаy. Shut up. I'll кill you, man. I'll кill you.' Now I'm like, 'Oh, you think I'm 37? Fine, I'm a quееr. Whatever. 35? I'm a little pink cowboy.'

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My wife just saw a news article ‘World’s oldest person dies at 114’
“Wow!” she said “…the way medicine and science is going, I bet we have people reaching 150 years old within the next ten years!”
Stupid вiтсh.

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Science jokes News and Politics Jokes Stupid Jokes

Have you heard about the Osama Bin Laden celebratory drink? It's two shots and a splash of water!

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Political Jokes

Rate this kickass if you want Justin Bieber out of the country!

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

Q: How do 5 gаy men walk?
A: One Direction!

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Men jokes

A ghost joke
What was written on the hypochondriac's tombstone?
"I told you I was ill"!

A vampire joke
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail?
I don't know but it would slow him down!

A witch joke
How did the witch almost lose her baby?
She didn't take it far enough into the woods!

A cannibal joke
What did the cannibal mum say to her son who was chasing a missionary?

''Stop playing with your food''!

A witch joke
What do witches race on?
Vroomsticks!

A Halloween joke
How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween
Wear a snorkel!

A witch joke
What's a cold, evil candle called?
The wicked wick of the north!

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Halloween Jokes Vampire jokes

My wife’s рissеd off with me for ruining our anniversary.
I’m not sure whether it’s because I took her to a Buy 1 Get 1 Free pub, or the fact I insisted that my meal was the free one.

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Wedding jokes

Games for when we are older:
1) Sag, You're it.
2) Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3) 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4) Kick the bucket.
5) Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6) Doc Doc Goose.
7) Simon says something incoherent.
8) Hide and go рее.
9) Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10) Musical recliners.

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Old People Jokes Nurse jokes

Murphy came home plastered for the third night in a row.
His wife dragged him to the window.
Pointing to the blazing lights of the distillery in the distance. See how big it is ?she said.
They can always make it faster than you can drink it.
Maybe so, said Murphy But Ive got them working nights…

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Irish jokes Office and Work Jokes

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy,

"How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make a little over $400 dollars a week, why?

The CEO said,"Wait right here."

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,

"Does anyone want to tell me what that gооf-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said,

"Sure - he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino's and was just waiting to collect the money!"

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Business jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Boss Jokes

My uncle is with the FBI. They caught him in Cleveland.

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Police Officer Jokes

Q: What is the best Iraqi job ?
A: Foreign Ambassador.

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Military Jokes

I don't understand why everyone hates black people so much. Black people are great! Everyone should own one!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

You Can’t spell ADVERTISEMENTS without sемеn between the тiтs!

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Boob Jokes

A guy calls into a radio station and he says he has a joke for the DJ. The DJ goes, “Alright, let's hear it.”
The guy goes, “What has a 2 inch реnis and hangs down?”
The DJ says, “I dunno, what?”
The guy says, “A bat. What has a 12 inch реnis and hangs up?”
The DJ replies, “I dunno, what?” Next thing the DJ hears is a dial tone.

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Funny Riddles Nationality Jokes

And Моsеs looked upon the Lord and said:
"We are your chosen people and you want us to cut the tips off of our WHAT?"

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One-Liner Jokes

Mrs. Swanson declined to serve on the jury because she was not a believer in capital punishment and didn’t want her beliefs to get in the way of the trial. “But, Madam,” said the public defender, who had taken a liking to her kind face and calm demeanor, “this is not a мurdеr trial. It is merely a civil lawsuit being brought by a wife against her husband. He gambled away the fifteen thousand dollars he’d promised to spend on a chinchilla coat for her birthday.” “Hmmm,” reflected Mrs. Swanson. “Okay, I’ll serve, I could be wrong about capital punishment.”

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Judge and Court Jokes

I'll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post сrаррy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this

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Facebook Jokes Dirty jokes

Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing.
"Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols."
"Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?"
Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"

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Christmas Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Q: What does the receptionist at the sреrм clinic say when clients are leaving?
A: “Thanks for coming!”

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Sex Jokes

Latest Jokes