Newest jokes - Page 797

Teacher:
"If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Seven."
Teacher:
"No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Seven."
Teacher:
"Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Six."
Teacher:
"Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny:
"Seven!"
Teacher:
"Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny:
"Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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School Jokes

Hi, madam! You have driven a truck during the WW2, haven't you? Well, shit ...

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Brexit Jokes

Her: He is probably thinking of Other women. Him: My dog understands several human words. I don't understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dog jokes

Chuck Norris was born in a house he build himself.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

What do you call a реnguin in the desert?
Lost!

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Animal Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a toilet and a Kardashian?
A: Nothing! They both accept big brown stinky turds!

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

There were four people on a plane.
One of them, the Pilot.
The other was the president of the United States –Obama, The oldest man in the world, and a little boy.
The plane was about to crash and the only option for survival was to jump!
But there were only three parachutes.
The Pilot took a parachute and said, "I'm the pilot, so I should get a parachute."
And he jumped off.
Then Obama grabs a and jumps saying, "Since I'm the president, I get one too!"
And he jumps.
The little boy then grabs a parachute and hands it to the old man.
The man declines, saying, "No, boy, take it. I'm too old anyway."
The boy answers, "What? No! Obama took my back-pack!"

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Political Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Aviation Jokes Stupid Jokes Pilot Jokes American Presidents Humor

A boy washed with his mum in the bathroom and saw her vаginа and asks:
"what the hеll is this".
"It is called a cave" replied the mother.
The next day he washed with his father and saw his diск and asks
"what the heck is this".
"This is called little Johnny".
The next day he went to school and his teacher was mad that he came late to school so she told him to sing a song.
He started to sing
"when the black clouds came out of the mountain little Johnny ran into the cave."

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Sex Jokes School Jokes Dirty jokes Music and Musician Jokes Communication Jokes

Yo mama is so sтuрid that she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.

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Yo Momma Jokes Golf jokes Stupid Jokes

Do you believe in love at first set?
Or should I curl this barbell another 10 times?

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Fitness jokes Flirt jokes Love Jokes

‘During sеx, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me.
Just the other night she called me from a hotel.’
Rodney Dangerfield

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Sex Jokes Hotel Jokes Funny Quotes

A guy went to an electric shop and said: "By a lot of excuse, do you mind me to buy a lamp please?"
A manager said: "It isn't necessarily so much apologizes for buying a lamp."
The guy said: "Sorry I wanted for installing it in WC."

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Dirty jokes Management Jokes Customer service jokes Boss Jokes

I was hiking once with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.
I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

There are an older brother and a younger sister.
The sister went to the bathroom while the brother was in the bathroom.
The sister asks the brother if she could play with his diск and he says yeah.
A few weeks later there was a big storm and the sister goes to the brother's room and asked the brother if she could play with Mr.Cuddles he says no.
Then the sister said that she would tell on him so a little рissеd of he says yes.
After a while, the parents hear a scream.
They rush to the brother's room and asks the sister what happened she said "Mr.Cuddles spat on me so I bit his head off."

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.

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Sex Jokes Sports Jokes Flirt jokes

Poor Mac was having a bad time finding work. He was very overweight and it seemed to turn employers away. rnrnFinally, he found a job driving the tour bus on the Sesame Street studio. He was instructed to ask the names of the boarding passengers so he could personally address them as he gave the spoken tour while driving.rnrnIt was his first day. He sat patiently at the stop waiting for his passengers when he watched a huge fат lady waddle up to the bus. He asked her name as she boarded, and she responded Patty. Welcome aboard, Patty. Have a seat and we will be off soon. rnrnHe was startled when and equally large fellow approached. Again, he asked the name and the response was Patty O'Brien with a thick Irish brogue. Welcome aboard, Patty. Have a seat and we will be off soon. rnrnJust after the two Pattys had selected their seats, a shy looking small boy came up and asked if he could go. Sure son, come on in. What's your name? The boy responded Ross. It sounded like Ross might have some special problem but he seemed OK. rnrnThere were not many others around, so Mac was thinking he might not have anyone else join in. He was about to drive off when a creepy fellow came running up and asked to go along. Sure, come on in. We are about to go. What's your name? Lester was the response. Have a seat Lester. We are just about to go.rnrnAs he drove off to begin the tour, he glanced in the mirror to look at the passengers. Lester had removed his shoe and was picking at something on his foot. The vision made Big Mac laugh so hard he had to stop for a minute. rnrnHe was thinking who would believe this? Here I am with two big Pattys, a special Ross, and a creep named Lester picking bunions on a Sesame Street Bus?

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Travel and Tourist Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Communication Jokes

I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with.
I dyed my hair!

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Blonde Jokes Beauty Jokes Stupid Jokes

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

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Sex Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Business jokes Flirt jokes

What's worse than 11 dead babies stapled to a tree?
1 dead baby stapled to 11 trees.

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Dead baby jokes Gross Jokes Morbid jokes

Peter approaches the gates of Heaven.
"Knock knock," says Peter.
Miraculously, someone answers him.
"Who's there," a voice in the distance asked.
"God," says Peter.
"God who," asked the voice?
"GOD DАММIТ open these gates!
I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"

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Sex Jokes Dirty jokes Knock-knock jokes Communication Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

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