American Jokes - Page 10

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Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.
What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.
Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!
The decline has begun.
Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the U. S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 engineers. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.
But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.
If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?

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Lawyer Jokes American Jokes Japanese Jokes

“Are you from America madam?”
“You think I am American just because I am a little overweight?”
“No madam, it’s because this is Tesco and we don’t sell guns.”

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USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes American Jokes

I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math...
Glad to know I'm in the other 2%.

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Math Jokes American Jokes

First thing they said, 'Well, Tiger, you're the first African America...' He was like, 'Ah, ah ,ah, ah -- first of all, I'm not African American. I'm two-thirds this, a quarter of that, an eighth of this, a fifth of Irish.' I'm like, 'How many people was havin' sеx that night, Tiger?'

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Nationality Jokes USA Jokes Sex Jokes American Jokes

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck Norris donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research to the American Cancer Society.

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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes American Jokes

What do you call an African American documentary?
Planet of the Apes.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes American Jokes

Which American duo became famous for stealing horses?
Bonnie and Clydesdale.

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Animal Jokes American Jokes

North Korea and the martians were fighting about who was going the reach venus first. Trump steps in and says " That doesn’t matter american is going to land on the sun first". The martians and North Korea said “you can’t land on the sun it’s to hot and you will die”. Trump said his brilliant plan that “America is going to land their at night”.

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Military Jokes American Jokes American Presidents Humor

While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a соndом all the time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his реnis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,
"I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says,
"Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your реnis."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."
The doctor replies,
"Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his реnis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease."
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my реnis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Sтuрid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!"
"Oh, Thank you!" the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes American Jokes

Two men, an American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems..
The Indian man said to the American, 'We have problem in India we can't marry the one whom we love, You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a lot of family problems.
The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love. I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.
The Indian fainted........!

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Jokes about Women Nationality Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes American Jokes Grandparent Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

What do Americans and Putin have in common?
They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

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Turkey Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes American Jokes

A kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page illustrating several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, “What flag is this?” Little Sue called out, “That’s the flag of our country.” “Very good,” the teacher said. “And what’s the name of our country?” Little Sue answered, “Tis of thee.”

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School Jokes Nationality Jokes American Jokes

A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.

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Dark Humor Jokes Jewish Jokes American Jokes

Why didn’t the American make a joke about the Canadian border?
They realized that would cross a line.

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Canadian jokes American Jokes

I went to doctors today and told him “I’ve got a problem, every time I finish маsтurватing I sing the American national anthem”.
The doctor said, “Don’t worry, a lot of wankers sing that”.

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Nationality Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Masturbation jokes American Jokes

Redneck puts in his resignation infront of his american boss
Boss: Why are you leaving? Redneck: I have vaginal problems.
Boss : But you're a man!
Redneck: That I am, Sir. But you are a VАGINА!
Happy Boss Day.....!!!!!

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Men jokes Redneck jokes American Jokes Boss Jokes

Chuck Norris's 1st Grade teacher asked him how many stars there were on the American Flag.
Chuck Norris replied "Yes." and was correct.

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School Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes American Jokes

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across theborder into Canada has intensified beginning early yesterday morning.
Trump’s victory is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans
Who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.
Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens ofsociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists,and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywoodproducer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer RedGreenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold,exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-rangechicken.
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higherfences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakersthat blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck theirfingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularlyconcerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border,pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, wherethey are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," anAlberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a singlebottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. Allthey had was a little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale сhiрs. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, oftenwailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-educationcamps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic вееr, study theConstitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants arecreating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the BarbaraStreisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloadingjazzercise apps to their cell phones.
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economyjust can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, howmany art-history majors does one country need?"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes American Jokes Beer Jokes Military Jokes Alien Jokes American Presidents Humor

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will are scheduled to again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q.. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala .
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Вееr or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U. S. )
Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed рrоsтiтuте that you met at a yard sale and drink вееr all day !
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes American Jokes Beer Jokes Japanese Jokes