Animal Jokes - Page 22

Boy: hey I just saw your mom on t.v last night.
girl: really?!?!?! what channel?
Boy: Animal planet

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What's a difference between a blond and a mosquito?
Once you smack a mosquito it stops sucking

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Dirty jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What do you call an alligator that’s wearing a vest?
An investigator.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Bad Jokes

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything went quite well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up Nuts”, and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, “Down Nuts”, and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, “Cheer Nuts” They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, “Booooo Nuts” and they all started booing and cat calling. Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a вееr and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his missing assistant, the doctor asked:” What in the world happened?”
The assistant replied: “Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, “PEANUTS!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sports Jokes Nationality Jokes Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100."
The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a вееr.
The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he's been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again.
He raises his voice and shouts, "Do you want to go for a вееr?"
The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says, "Pipe down! I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my shoes!"

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Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

Yo momma's so fат, when she went to the beach, the whales sang, "We are family! "

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Yo Momma Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Fat Jokes

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Holiday Jokes

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes

A boy is selling fish on a corne r. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!"
A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'"
The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam."
The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds:
"That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the fuскing potatoes!"

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Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dad Jokes

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."

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Dirty jokes Animal Jokes

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.

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Insult Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Funny Poems Ugly Jokes Zoo Jokes

Yo mamma is so fат dora couldn't even explore her.

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Yo Momma Jokes Animal Jokes Fat Jokes

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sеx?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy соw!"
Man: "Yes, соw, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Redneck jokes Communication Jokes Military Jokes Dog jokes

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fат соw give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Student jokes Fat Jokes

Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Bad Jokes

Where do we get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Bad Jokes

Where do you bring horses that are sick?
To the horsepital.

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Animal Jokes