Banker Jokes

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How can you tell a lawyer is lying?A: Other lawyers look interested. Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort?A: Because they’re used to doing all of their lying indoors. Q: What happened to the banker who went to law school?A: Now she’s a loan shark. Q: Where do vampires learn to suск blood?A: Law school. Q: How do you define double jeopardy?A: When a lawyer calls in her partner. Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?A: All the information you need, but you can’t understand a word of it. Q: What's worse than pleading guilty to мurdеr?A: Getting jail time and getting robbed--hiring an attorney to defend you. Q: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.
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Уборщица говорит управляющему банком: Краят на работния ден в голяма търговска банка. Чистачката плахо чука на вратата на директора: Städerskan till bankchefen: - Jo, jag skulle vilja ha en nyckel till kassavalvet. Det är så jobbigt att öppna låset med hårspännet varje gång jag ska städa där... Kommt die Putzfrau zum Chef der Bank: "Können Sie mir bitte mal den Tresorschlüssel geben?" "Hä? Was ... wie ... warum denn?" "Ach, es ist immer so lästig, zum Saubermachen den Tresor mit der...
One-Liner Jokes Banker Jokes Boss Jokes
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'
The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.
Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....
Crap! This one's barefoot, too
Blonde Jokes Banker Jokes
Monday jokes Banker Jokes
The 12-Step Program for Internet Addicts
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I use to.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash the dog, get the kids off to school, all before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book... If I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear what is happening on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on my computer.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed some time.... And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
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A group of wealthy gentlemen were sitting at a luncheon arguing over who made the most money...
Man #1 says "I am the wealthiest man here. I am a banker. Every month, I make a handsome profit in the interests on all my loans at once."
Man #2 says "Ah, but I own the operations of a massive oil production. I never even have to work and every quarter my profits triple because demand is so great."
Man #3 laughs and says "I am clearly the richest person here. I own the pieces of land you both use to run your businesses. I own the most important real estate in cities across the country."
Finally they looked upon the last man who they hadn't recognized. One of the men asked "My good sir, what do you do? Are you richer than any of us?"
The man reached into his wallet and took out small pictures and handed them to each of the other men. They began to shuffle uncomfortably.
"But sir," one of them began to say, "Why do you have pictures of our wives in your possession?"
The 4th man replied "I run an alimony enterprise, and those women are some of my best workers."
Real estate jokes Banker Jokes
A frog goes into a bank “What can I help you with?” asks the Teller.
“I’d like to apply for a loan” says the frog.
“Oh” says the Teller “you need to speak with our Loan Officer, Miss Whack”.
The Teller leads the frog to Miss Whacks office and, informs her that the frog wants to apply for a loan. “What kind of loan are you in the market for?” asks the Loan Officer.
“Any loan will do” says the frog “I want to buy a Lilly pad.”
“I see.” says the Loan Officer “Well, in order to apply for a loan, I first need to know your name. What is your name?”
“My first name is Kermit” answers the frog.
“Your first name is Kermit?” asks the Loan Officer.
“Correct,” answers the frog “and my last name is Jagger”.
“Your name is Kermit Jagger?” The Loan Officer asks incredulously.
“Correct,” says the frog “my mother was a frog and my father is Мiск Jagger.”
“I see” says the Loan Officer “Well, in order to secure a loan, the bank needs some type of collateral. Do you have any real estate, bonds, precious metals, etc?”
“No,” answers the frog “all I have is this.” The frog produces a miniature, pink elephant and holds it up to her face.
Flustered, the Loan Officer (whose first name is Patty) snatches it from the frog and storms off to the Bank Managers office.
“Sir!” she says as she barrages into his office “there’s a frog out there who wants a loan for a Lilly pad, and he says his name is Kermit Jagger.”
“Kermit Jagger?” Asks the Bank Manager.
“Yes,” she says “his mother was a frog and his father is Мiск Jagger. Anyway, all he has for collateral is this tiny, pink elephant thing. I don’t even know what this is!” The Bank Manager exclaims:
“That’s a Knick-Knack, Patty Whack, give that frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone!”
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Banker Jokes
A woman was notified that her grandmother just passed away and left her a big inheritance.
The instruction were, "My dear I left you some money but you need to log on to this account I had set up for you with my bank. The money should be right there in the CD I had set up. But you need a computer in order to get your money."
The granddaughter was excited and went to her home computer and logged on to the account. She was sad that after 10 minutes of waiting she did not see the money coming out from the CD-ROM insert. Her husband came home to see his wife sitting in front of the computer with a very sad face. He asked his wife, "What's the matter my lovely wife I thought you would be happy to received that kind of inheritance?"
The wife replied, "I would if the dang computer would just spit the money out."
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