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80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Sтuрid" Convention. The leader says,
"We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not sтuрid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says,
"Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says,
"Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says,
"Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!" The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says,
"Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says,
"Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
A pilot got on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and said to the passengers,
"Folks, welcome aboard flight seven eighty-nine to Cleveland. We'll be flying at thirty-five-thousand feet, and expect to land in an hour and a half. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight."
Forgetting to turn off the microphone, he turned to his co-pilot, yawned, and said,
"Why don't you take over for a while? I'm going to take me a big healthy shiт, and then I'm gonna shаg the brains outta that new blonde flight attendant. "
His announcement went over the whole plane. The pretty blonde flight attendant heard this and exclaimed, "Oh my God!" and started running towards the cockpit. An old lady sitting in an aisle seat stopped her and said,
"Relax honey, he's gotta take a shiт first."
A Blonde Guy walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what’s the matter?”
The Blonde Guy replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.”
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do.
“Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?”
The man stops crying and says, “that sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it.”
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before.
“What’s the matter now?” the bartender asks.
The Blonde Guy, in no condition to be in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again!”
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, “why don’t you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back.”
He stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves.
A few months later the guy is back in the bar.
The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state.
Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. “I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and… it… it… grew back!”
The bartender, now furious at the guy’s general stupidity, yells, “for crying out loud, just measure the sтuрid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller than the other one!”
The guy cannot believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the Blonde Guy comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery.
“It worked, it worked!” he exclaims.
“I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!”
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"
"What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.
"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?"
"Yes." replied the officer
"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher
"Uh... yes." replied the cop.
"Here's what you do." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."
"What!!? I can't do that. Its... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop.
"Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher.
So the cop went back to the car, gave back the license and registration and dropped his pants, just as the dispatcher said.
The blonde looked down and sighed..... "Ohh no... not another Breathalyzer......"
One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.
So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."
So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an empty can of вееr. She says, "Oh my, I'm so ashamed! My daughter drinks."
So, finally, it's the blondes turn and she finds a used соndом. She says, "Oh my, I'm so ashamed! My daughter has a реnis."
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time.
She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus.
It'll take you right there."
She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus.
That was three hours ago.
Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"