Dark Humor Jokes

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My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology."
So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!"
Then I disconnected his life support.

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Dark Humor Jokes Technology Jokes Old People Jokes Life Jokes Grandparent Jokes

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
A bittersweet victory.

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Dark Humor Jokes Money jokes Friendship Jokes

In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people.
It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch.
Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.

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Money jokes Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Alien Jokes

Why did Нiтlеr commit suicide?
He got his gas bill.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Money jokes Dark Humor Jokes Hitler Jokes

What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool?
Throw in your laundry.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria.
One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides.
When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, веnт over and squeezed his chest.
This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid.
I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.

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Friendship Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

I called that Rаре Advice Line earlier today.
Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

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Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes

How can you tell if you have acne?
If the blind can read your face.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.
I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died.
I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial.
Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Friendship Jokes Asian jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Black humour is like a pair of legs.
Not everyone has it.

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Dark Humor Jokes

I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.

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Terrorist jokes Dark Humor Jokes Relationship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Japanese Jokes

A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother:
"Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale."
"Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."

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Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
A. They both live off dead Beatles.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Knock,Knock,
Who is there?
Pen!
Pen who?
is...

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Knock-knock jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes Anti-Humor Jokes

Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?"
Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

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Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes Military Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down.
The judge: "Why did you rаре the girl?"
"I liked her."
"Why did you rареd the boy?"
"I liked him."
"Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?"
"I'm afraid I'll like you…"

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Judge and Court Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes

I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store.
I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...

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Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street. When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him.
When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog.
A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes.
He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?"
The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his аss!"

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