Dirty jokes - Page 15

Q: What did the d**k say to the ваlls?
A: "You guys hang around here while I go inside."

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There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own.
He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck -" and the farmer shot him.

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A guy goes to the eye doctor. In the middle of the exam, the doctor tells him, "You need to stop маsтurватing."
The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting my nurse and me."

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Dirty jokes Nurse jokes Masturbation jokes

Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sеx?
A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.

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A father has three daughters who are all getting married on the same day.
He asks his oldest daughter, ''Whom do you wish to marry? She says, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest.'' He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest.'' He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same question. She replies, ''I wish to marry the man with one draggin' on the floor!''

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at a doctor's convention one night.
A male doctor notices a female doctor from across the room. The female doctor notices also and the next thing you know, they're sitting next to each other by the end of dinner. After dinner, the male asks the woman if she wants to go up to his hotel room. ''Sure,'' the woman says. ''Let me go wash my hands first.'' After she washes her hands, they have sеx. After they are finished, she washes her hands again. This is really starting to annoy the male doctor so he says, ''You know, you must be a surgeon, because you keep washing your hands.'' Angry at this remark, the woman says, ''Well, you must be an anasthesiologist, because I didn't feel a thing!''

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Hotel Jokes

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other nакеd for the first time.The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child."
The wife asks if he means роliо. He says, "No, it only affects the toes."
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too."Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no - smallcox, too!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Couple jokes

A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day and asked her what she had between her legs.
"That's something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it because it has teeth," she replied. Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life, and they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there.
"No," he said. "It's got teeth."
"Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No teeth!"
"Well, I'm not surprised," he replied."Not with gums like that."

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Q: Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A: He only comes once a year - and when he does, it's down a chimney.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What did the реnis say to the соndом?
A: "Cover me. I'm going in."

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: How is a casino like a woman?
A: Liquor in the front, poker in the back.

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A little boy and a little girl are in the bathtub together. The little girl looks down at the boy and asks:
"Can I touch it?"
"No way - you already broke yours off!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, рissеd off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Q: What's 72?
A: 69 with three people watching.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

What do you call a cave-dwelling virgin?
Never Bin Laidon

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An American cowboy was traveling in England and decided to stop at a tea shop for a drink. On the menu there were several different teas to choose from. When the waitress came to take his order, the cowboy asked, "Ma'am, what the hеll do all these names mean?"
The waitress calmly replied, "We have basically three types of tea, sir. The peacove tea is 90% substance and 10% aroma, the orange tea is 10% substance and 90% aroma, and the Blackberry tea is an acquired taste."
The cowboy responded, "Where I come from, we have three types of tea too, Ma'am. There's s-h-i-T which is 90% substance and 10% aroma, there is f-a-r-T which is 10% substance and 90% aroma, and then there is c-u-n-T which is an acquired taste."

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Why do they call camels 'ships of the desert'?
Because they are full of Arab sемеn.

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Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: It's a French kiss down under.

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News and Politics Jokes Dirty jokes

See Anything You Like?
Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor. When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill's wife isn't wearing any underwear.
Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife follows him and asks, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
John admits that he did. She says, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."
They decide that John should come to her house around 2 p.m. on Friday while Bill is at work.
On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m. He pays Bill's wife $100. They go to the bedroom, have sеx and then John leaves.
When Bill comes home at 6 p.m., he asks his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"
Reluctantly, she replies, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."
Next Bill asks, "Did he give you $100?"
She thinks, "Oh hеll, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes, he did give me $100."
"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A rather confident young man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive young woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was testing it." Intrigued, the woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says that you're not wearing any раnтiеs..." The woman giggles & replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing раnтiеs!"
The man exclaims, "Dамn - this thing must be an hour fast!"

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