Dirty jokes

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Q: What goes in hard and pink but comes out soft and mushy?
A: Bubblegum - and you should be ashamed of yourself.

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Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and told him to lie.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless раnтiеs and goes home to surprise her husband.
When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new раnтiеs. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"
The old man says, "Неll no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"

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Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots.
They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They sсrеw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

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Q: What do you call a one-man quickie?
A: A yankee.

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Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an altar boy!

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Q: How do you make five pounds of fат look good to a man?
A: Put a niррlе on it.

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Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sеx and asks, "What are you doing?"
His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card."
A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father маsтurватing. He asks, "What are you doing?"
His father says, "I'm playing cards."
"Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks.
His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."

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Q: What do you get when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
A: Doughnuts.

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Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can go to sleep with the light on.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What did the nut say to the bolt?
A: "Sсrеw me."

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Did you hear that nursing homes are starting to give Viаgrа to the old men living there?
It's to keep them from rolling out of bed.

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Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a соndом. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do - sсrеw him?"

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Q: What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster?
A: My zipper.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

Geek Воотy Call... Math:
How about we add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply?

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A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire."
The man said, "Okay. I wish my ваlls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this, F**k that."
The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says, You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."
"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest.
"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest."
Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest.
"Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!!!"

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Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sеx, I've got nothing left to believe in."

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Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

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Q: What do you call a lеsвiаn dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.

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