Dirty jokes - Page 37

What do you call a girl who does not маsтurвате?
A liar

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Superman was flying around Metropolis when he noticed Wonder Woman lying totally nакеd, spread-eagle on her bed.
He thought, "Hmm... I could fly through that open window and be in and out before she even knew what hit her!"
With nothing more than a rustle of the curtains, Superman was on his way, thinking, "Wow! She is really tight!"
Back in her bedroom, Wonder Woman sat up asking, "What in Amazonia was that?!"
The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my аsshоlе sure hurts!"

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Aviation Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Superhero Jokes

A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."

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School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Beauty Jokes

Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gаy guys can play star wars.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Dirty jokes Star Wars Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes

Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover?
A: His аss!

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Vulgar jokes

Two men were shipwrecked on an island. They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone.
The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders.
The chief walks to the men and says, "What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?"
The first man thinks for a second and replies, "I choose Boogaloo".
The chief smiles and the tribe begins to chant "boogaloo, boogaloo, boogaloo".
The chief takes the man, bends him over and f**ks him up.
The second man is horrified at what he has just witnessed and then the chief walks up to him and asks, "You must choose, Death or Boogaloo?"
The man thinks he would rather die than have boogaloo, so he replies, "I choose death."
The tribe roars in ecstasy and the chief yells, "Death by boogaloo!!!"

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Sailor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Boss Jokes

Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sеx with?
Anything for the family.

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Redneck jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom, he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shаgging his gran!
Johnny just looks at him and says "not so funny when its your mum is it ?"

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny got caught stealing in a FOOD 4 LESS and runs away from the cops.
He runs towards his school and into his classroom.
He asks his teacher "May I please hide in your classroom because I got caught stealing".
The teacher says "Yes".
Little Johnny first hides under a desk, but no, the cops can see him there.
He then hides behind the door, but no, the cops can see him there.
So the teacher suggested to little Johnny "Hide under my long, fluffy skirt".
Little Johnny says "O.K."
The cops arrive and ask the teacher "Have you seen a little boy around here?".
The teacher replies "sorry, I haven't".
When the cops left the classroom the teacher says" Johnny, the cops are gone.you can come out now".
Little johnny replies" not yet, I got one more braid to go".

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes

The average speed of еjасulатiоn is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

My wife found a роrn magazine in our son's room the other day.
She showed it to me, and it was ВDSМ.
She asked me "What we should do?"
Me: "Probably not spank him."
She belted me with the magazine.
Now I know where he gets it from.

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes

A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York.
At the same time in South Texas is getting a вlоw job from a 85 year old lady.
What are both men thinking?
Don't look down.

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Whats the difference between a coffin and a соndом?
One you go in the other you come in!

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Dark Humor Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dirty jokes Music and Musician Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sеx ?"
His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."

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Sex Jokes Dirty jokes

Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?"
Little Johnny: "11"
Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Math Jokes Stupid Jokes

Three men were caught for мurdеr on same day. Very next day they were produced in the court.
After hearing all the arguments the judge decided to declare the verdict after lunch.
It happened to be his wife's birthday that day and he had promised to not give death penalty on her birthday to anyone.
After lunch judge announced that all the three accused will receive 500 lashes.
Since it's almost a death penalty all accused were asked for their last wish.
First one thought as nothing can save him now, wishes for noth ing.
He is lashed 500 times all over his body.
He was bleeding all over gasping for final breath and conciousness.
When second person was asked for his wish he thought for a moment and said, "I wish that 10 pillow is tied all over me."
Well, 500 lashes was given but he laughed all over as pillow absorbed all the forces of lashes.
Now, The third person was called and asked for his wish.
He looked around.
He saw first person facing his death and counting his last breath and second person laughing at first person calling him idiот.
He took some time and with deep breath said,"Tie second person over me. "

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Judge and Court Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Prison Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What are three words you dead the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."

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Cheating Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes

A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"

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Dirty jokes

Their was a camel and elephant, the elephant said to the camel.
"How come you have your тiтs on your back?" and the camel got offended so he told the elephant.
"Well why do you have your diск on your face?"

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Boob Jokes