Fitness jokes - Page 5

I can’t help being lazy.
It walks in the family.

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About 2 minutes into my workout, I decided to work on my personality instead.

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Fitness jokes Office and Work Jokes

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

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Science jokes Jokes about Women Computer Jokes Fitness jokes Student jokes Stupid Jokes School Jokes

A new priest does his first mass. He is very nervous and he stammers his way through. Afterwards, he approaches the Monsignor to ask how he thought it went. "Well," says the monsignor, "Try a little wine before you do your next mass." So the next time the priest delivers a real fire and brimstone sermon, after which he asks the monsignor, "How did I do this time?" The fellow clergyman replies, "You did well, son, but I need to clear up a few of your misconceptions. First off, it was the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, not 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Sроок.' Next, David slew Goliath; he didn't 'whip the shiт out of him.' And last of all we are planning a taffy pulling contest here at St. Peter, not a 'Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.'

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Religion jokes Wine jokes Priest Jokes Fitness jokes

Gym Manager: I went for a run the other day, and covered 20 miles
Personal Trainer: I went for a run the other day, and covered 30 miles
Cleaner: I had some Mexican food the other day, and I’ve had the runs all week

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Fitness jokes Food Jokes Boss Jokes

A woman on the phone to her friend...

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising!

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I веnт, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Fitness jokes

I met my ex-wife down at the gym. We didn’t workout.

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Fitness jokes Office and Work Jokes

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one so I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on вееr cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust".

I have gotten that dreaded "furniture disease". My chest is falling into my drawers!

I know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . .write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me... they are cramming for finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Fitness jokes Beer Jokes

Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move?
A: The splits!

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Food Jokes Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Fitness jokes

Sign on the company bulletin board: “This firm requires no physical fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying of the handle, running down the boss, flogging dead horses, knifing friend in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.”

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Friendship Jokes Fitness jokes Boss Jokes

DIET DAY 1.
I have removed all the bad food from my home.
It was delicious.

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Fitness jokes Food Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

My wife bought me an exercise bike for Christmas.
I used it for a bit but have stopped now as it wasn’t getting me anywhere.

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Christmas Jokes Fitness jokes

I read in men’s health, that the most important thing to do when doing a workout programme is rest…Ive done that for 2 years now and I am still no fitter than before!

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Fitness jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.

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Fitness jokes School Jokes Men jokes

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

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Fitness jokes Sports Jokes Phone jokes

I’m proud to say I donated over $10 million to disabled gymnasts in Eastern Europe last year. Apparently they contacted my bank to let me know that ‘the invalid Czechs were bouncing’ which is great news.

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News and Politics Jokes Disability Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes Banker Jokes Fitness jokes

In the dim and distant past, when life's tempo wasn't so fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat and babysit.
When the kids were in a jam, they could always call on Gram.
However, today she's in the gym exercising to keep slim.
She's checking the web or surfing the net, sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her, now that Grandma's off her rocker.

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Fitness jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes

No time for gym?
Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.

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Fitness jokes

What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

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Fitness jokes

me - Excuse me, are you into fitness?
girl - Somewhat.
me - Let me fitness соск in your mouth!

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Fitness jokes Dirty jokes