Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes

Two doctors opened an office in a small town.
They put up a sign reading: "Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."
The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: "Hysterias and Posteriors."
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
No go! Next they tried "Catatonics and Colonics" Thumbs down again.
Then came, "Manic-Depressives and Аnаl-Retentives."
But is was still not good! So they tried:
"Minds and Behinds"
"Analysis and Аnаl Cysts"
"Nuts and Butts"
"Freaks and Cheeks"
"Loons and Moons"
"Lost Souls and Аss Holes"
None worked.
Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:
"Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends."
APPROVED!

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Why does the witch not wear раnтiеs when flying?
Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.

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Gross Jokes

A couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant.
The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special.
With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping.
It smells delicious and tastes even better.
The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish.
"Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's ваlls you ate."
The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it.
Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant.
Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish.
Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table.
But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one.
The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?"
The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"

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Mexican jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Restaurant Jokes

A third grade teacher asked her students to, one by one, stand in front of the class and tell what their Daddy's do. Little Mary went first, “My daddy is a doctor and he saves people's lives”
“That's wonderful Mary. Now how about you Jane, what does your daddy do?”
“My daddy is a lawyer and he puts bad people in jail,” says Jane “Very good Jane. Ok Johnny, what does your daddy do?”
“My daddy is dead” says Johnny “Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that Johnny,” said the teacher, “what did he do before he died?”
“He turned blue and shiт on the carpet”

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes School Jokes

An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord.
"Well, I live by the railway and on my way home last night I noticed a woman tied to the tracks. I cut her free and we shagged all night !"
"Did you get a вlоw job ?" asks the landlord.
"No ..." he says, "I never found the head."

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating рussy?
A: At least when you are eating рussy you can see the аsshоlе in front of you.

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Gross Jokes Sex Jokes

Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard?
A: A new last name.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Gross Jokes Wedding jokes Polish jokes

Yo mama is so fат whenever I want to make sеx I would request her to fаrт in order to find the address of her аss.

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Yo Momma Jokes Gross Jokes Sex Jokes Fart Jokes

On a cold day of January, I went to visit one of my friends in his house; it was snowing and my friend urged me to stay the night with him.
They had only 2 rooms one for themselves and other for their baby; so I suggested to rest in baby' room.
In middle of the night, I need WC which was in the garden and was so difficult for me to go there.
I thought some moments then decided to change my place with the baby.
I did so.
And рissеd in the place of baby; when I returned to change again I saw that the baby had shiттеd in my bed!

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Friendship Jokes Gross Jokes Baby Jokes

A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sеx problems.
This prescription makes his diск strong and heathy.
There is only one side effect.
That diet causes he blows many farts daily!

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dating Jokes Fart Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sеx on a bench.
The little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm... they are making cakes. now come on, we'll go to the Zoo"
At the Zoo, the little girl sees two monkeys having sеx. Again she asks her mother "What are they doing?" And her mother replies with the same response, "They are making cakes. Thats it we're going home"
The next day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, weren't you?" Shocked, the Mother says, "What? How do you know?"
She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day.
They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon.
They notice she isn't wearing any раnтiеs.
"Is it cooler without раnтiеs?" they ask.
She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Old People Jokes

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're маsтurватing and your hand falls asleep.

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Masturbation jokes Gross Jokes

When I reached bus stop I saw a pretty blonde who was gazing me.
First I supposed perhaps she loves me so I also watched her and twinkled her.
Then I understood she has farted and is looking me in order whether I would feel or not.

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Blonde Jokes Gross Jokes Beauty Jokes Fart Jokes Love Jokes

A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentally droops some BB from the shelf into the batter.
She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake.
Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs.
The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I рissеd out a beebee!"
She says "That's okay, son. I accidentally dropped some bee bees into the cake batter. You'll be fine."
Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.."
But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you рissеd out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine."
Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.."
And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you рissеd out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine."
But then son says, "No, no, I was маsтurватing and I shot the dog!"

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Pet Jokes Gross Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Masturbation jokes

My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!

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Gross Jokes Military Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Chemistry Jokes Fart Jokes

A doctor complains to his colleagues about the sanitary problems at a latex glove factory in Mexico.
"Workers stick their hands in melted latex and then dip their hands in a vat of cooling water to solidify the latex. The glove is then thrown in a finished products box."
His colleagues are disgusted by the lack of care taken in keeping the gloves sanitary.
"That's not all," says the doctor.
"You don't even want to know how they make their condoms!"

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Mexican jokes Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word "definitely" in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The teacher says, "Of course not Johnny", To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants."

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School Jokes Gross Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Fart Jokes

Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water?
A: Swimmers are farting.

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Gross Jokes Sports Jokes Fart Jokes

A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds:
"Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, nакеd woman tied up next to the tracks."
The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?"
The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sеx because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?"
The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."

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Dark Humor Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Morbid jokes