Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger.
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.
"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says.
"Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."

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Gross Jokes

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?"
The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages...
Tell you what..
Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuск her."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Car and driving jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down.
By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there.
"I'm on a honeymoon."
"Oh. Shouldn't you be having sеx with your wife?"
"Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection."
"What about оrаl sеx?"
"Gingivitis."
"Аnаl sеx?"
"Diarrhea."
"Pardon my question, but why are you with her?"
"Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."

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Fishing Jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Hotel Jokes

A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom, he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shаgging his gran!
Johnny just looks at him and says "not so funny when its your mum is it ?"

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
He replies, "Mom, today I had sеx with the teacher!"
Immediately she was angry.
She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you.
Go to your room!"
So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room.
The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
"Great job son!
How old are you 12? 13?
How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son.
Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My аss is still sore!"

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Gross Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York.
At the same time in South Texas is getting a вlоw job from a 85 year old lady.
What are both men thinking?
Don't look down.

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

An old married couple were having sеx and the wife says, "Baby, suск my niррlеs!"
The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

I was having a shiт in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door.
He said, "Can I see your ticket please?"
"Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a shiт!"
He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?"
"No problem," I said, sliding it under. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."

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Gross Jokes

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, вlоwjов?
A: The вlоwjов.
You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a вlоwjов.

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Dirty jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle.
"I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk.
The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."

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Hunting Jokes Gross Jokes Animal Jokes

As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients."
But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Gross Jokes Sex Jokes Veterinarian Jokes

Two monsters went to a Halloween party.
Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."

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Halloween Jokes Gross Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Flirt jokes

A drunк guy is sitting at a bar by himself one night and throws up all over the front of his shirt.
"Oh great, my wife is going to кill me," he mumbles to himself.
The guy sitting next to him sees what has happened and leans over towards him, "Hey buddy, just put a twenty dollar bill in your shirt pocket and when you get home tell your wife the guy sitting next to you threw up on you and he gave you $20 to get your shirt cleaned."
Completely inebriated the drunк man thanks his new friend and puts a twenty in his shirt pocket and heads for home.
As soon as he walks through the front door his wife becomes irate and starts yelling at him, "Where have you been? you're completely drunк and you're a mess. Look at yourself, you puked all over the front of your shirt."
Completely wasted and slurring his words he explains to the wife, "No no, the guy sitting next to me threw up on my shirt and he gave me $20 to get it cleaned. Look, it's right here in my shirt pocket."
The wife reaches into his pocket and pulls out the money, "There's $40 in here."
"Oh yeah, he shiт in my pants too."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

You might be a redneck if you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

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Redneck jokes Gross Jokes Food Jokes

A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rестuм.
"That looks nasty," says the doctor.
"Nasty?" the man says.
"That's just the tip of the iceberg."

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.
The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present.
She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers".
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy.
She laughed and thanked him.
The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present.
She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy.
She again laughed and thanked him also.
The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking.
The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked.
"No," said the little girl.
So she tasted it again.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."

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Parent Jokes Gross Jokes School Jokes Student jokes Wine jokes Birthday Jokes

There was this man who had a dog.
Every Sunday morning at 4:30 AM the man and the dog would go fishing.
One day, the man fell in love and got married.
After the wedding, when the man and the woman got in bed together, the man turned to the woman.
"Tomorrow is Sunday and every Sunday morning, me and my dog go fishing at 4:30 AM. We'd like you to come along."
"And what if I don't want to come along?" the woman asked impatiently.
"Well then, sweetie, we'll just have to have buttsex."
With that, the man rolled over and fell asleep, and left the woman pondering.
"God, I hate having the buttsex, but I also hate getting up so early. I'll have to think about this more."
In the morning, the woman could hear the man going downstairs to get the dog.
It was much too early for the woman to get up so she decided to wait for the inevitable buttsex.
She waited for about half an hour and fell back asleep, thinking her husband had left already.
She awoke to the man, pulling on her arm.
"Have you made your decision?" he asked
"Yes," she replied. "I do not want to go fishing."
True to his word, the man pulled down his pants.
"By the way, what took you so long to come upstairs? It usually doesn't take that long to get Sparky up."
"I know," the man said. "He didn't want to go either."

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Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Dog jokes

One night my mother in law came to our home.
In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC.
She farted.
I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"

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Mother-in-Law Jokes Gross Jokes Military Jokes Terrorist jokes Fart Jokes

Laughing is always good except when you have diarrhea.

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes