Little Johnny - Page 12

Uncle gives little Johnny a £5 note for his birthday.
‘Spend it carefully,’ says Uncle.
‘Remember – a fool and his money are soon parted.’
Little Johnny replies, ‘Well you certainly handed it over fast enough.’

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For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.”
The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase.
So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”
Little Joe told him: “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be dамnеd if I’m staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!”

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Little Johnny Jokes Money jokes Birthday Jokes

little Johnny climbs onto Santa’s lap at the department store. Santa says, “I’ll bet I know what you want for Christmas.” And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, “T-O-Y-S.” The little boy answers, “No, I have enough toys.” Santa tries again, tapping Johnny’s nose with every letter, “C-A-N-D-Y.” Again, Johnny says, “No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well, what would you like for Christmas?” Santa asks. Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, “P-U-S-S-Y. And don’t tell me you don’t have any because I can smell it on your finger!”

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Christmas Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
“Now then, mister, why do you consider yourself an idiот?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny wasn't a very good at speller.
One day, during a spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard.
"Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said, "Canoe?"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Communication Jokes

Passing an office building late one night, the blonde saw a sign that read, "Press веll for night watchman."
She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed men proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled, "what do you want?"
"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it yourself."

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks for a bit and replies, "Go to your older sister and ask her if she would suск a guys diск. Then ask her if she would do it for a million dollars. Then go to your younger sister and ask her the same two questions. Write down their answers and bring it back to me." Johnny says, "Okay," and runs off to find his older sister. He asks her the first question and she responds, "Maybe, if I like him."
"Would you do it for a million dollars?" She replies, "Неll yes!" He finds the younger sister and asks her the same questions. Her first reply was "Eeeew, no!" but the second answer was "Yeah, sure." Johnny writes down their answers and takes them back to his father. The father looks over them and replies, "There you go." Johnny asks, "What do you mean?" The father says, "Well in theory we have two million dollars, but in reality we have two соскsuскеrs."

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Little Johnny Jokes Sexist Jokes School Jokes

Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?"
Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied.
"Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey.
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I'll be there too.
Not in the cage, But laughing at you".

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Funny Poems Beauty Jokes

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Phone jokes

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says,
"I have a question for YOU.There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and suскing the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and suскеd the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...
.....but I like your thinking."

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Little Johnny Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny likes to gamble.
One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny's dad thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."
He calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you'll have to keep an eye on him."
The teacher says, "Okay," because she can handle it.
The next day, Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."
She says, "Yes, I know who you are."
Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you $10 you've got a mole on your вuтт."
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem, so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down, shows him her вuтт, and there is no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost $10 to the teacher and explains why.
His dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your вuтт and he lost."
The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."
Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your аss before the day was over."

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Dad Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny is outside in the back yard playing with his toy airplane. He takes it up in the air "rrrrrrrrrr" and brings it down for a landing, at which point he yells real loud "All you мотhеrfuскеrs that wanna get off, get off. All you мотhеrfuскеrs that wanna get on, get on." Well Johnnys mom is in the kitchen and hears him yell this. Shocked, Johnnys mom runs outside and tells Johnny to go to his room for 3 hours and think about what he's said. Pouting, johnny stomps to his room. 3 hours later Johnny comes out of his room and goes straight for his toy airplane in the back yard. He picks it up, flys it around a little and lands it. With mom listening closely from the window Johnny says "all you nice people that want to get off, get off. All you nice people that wanna get on, get on......and all you мотhеrfuскеrs complaining about the 3 hour time delay, talk to the вiтсh in the kitchen.

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Little Johnny Jokes Aviation Jokes

Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night?
A: Pastor Bedtime.

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Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Church jokes

One day a man lied down on a nudе beach. Little Johnny comes up to the man, points to his реnis and asks what it was. "Oh, that's my birdie." said the man. "Oh." little Johnny replies. The man fell asleep. When the man woke up, he found himself in the hospital. He looked around to find little Johnny at his bedside. "Hey kid, what happened?", asked the man. "Oh," says little Johnny. "I tried to pet your birdie. It tried to spit water at me, so I cracked it's eggs and burnt it's nest."

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Dirty jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

Little Johnny was a chemist.
Little Johnny is no more.
What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

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Little Johnny Jokes Chemistry Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Stupid Jokes

little johnny sat in the classroom. the teacher says class if you can tell me who said these quotes, ill let you leave early. who said four score and seven years ago? nancy beats johnny to it and shouts abe lincoln! the teacher says nancy you can leave. who said ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for you? john kennedy shouts out susan. the teacher says very good susan you can leave. johnny says i wish these вiтсhеs would keep their mouths shut. the teacher says WHO SAID THAT?! johnny said tiger woods! can i leave now?

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny walks a соw through the village square.
The mayor sees him and asks, "Hey Johnny, where are you going with the соw?"
"I'm taking her to the bulls so she would get impregnated," answers Johnny.
The mayor is shocked, "Surely your father had better be doing that?"
Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, "Nah, I think it's really best left with the bulls."

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Little Johnny Jokes Police Officer Jokes

On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing.
The ground was slippery.
So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's реnis.
His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"

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Dad Jokes Jokes about Women Little Johnny Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny!
What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

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Little Johnny Jokes Technology Jokes Math Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny."
Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Baby Jokes Beauty Jokes