Little Johnny - Page 3

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's sтuрid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some sтuрid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're sтuрid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

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One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes.
Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your реnis reach your аsshоlе?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking вееr. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your вееr?" His grandpa replied, "Can your реnis reach your аsshоlе?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied.

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your реnis reach your аsshоlе?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuск yourself. These are my cookies!"

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Dirty jokes Little Johnny Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes Beer Jokes

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said,
“My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said,
“That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said,
“My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said,
“Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said,
“My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her тiтs are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Student jokes Boob Jokes

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your sтuрid cat."

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Kids Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "вiтсh" and "ваsтаrd" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."
The next day, he overheard his parents having sеx. He later asked what "реnis" and "vаginа" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."
At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."
A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas - we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"

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Little Johnny Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
Johnny said, "My father is a воокiе. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Dad Jokes Banker Jokes

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Сhrisт, are you still in there?!'"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes God Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class quietly as the students were composing a poem with their teacher. When she asked for an F-word that rhymed with "duck" he waved his hand feverishly.
The teacher frowned and passed him by. No kids, however, could offer her a solution. Finally she glared at Johnny and called on him.
Johnny put on his devlish grin and said, "An F-word that rhymes with duck is.... fluctuation."
The teacher blurted out, "No Johnny, that's suскs! I'm so sick of telling you what a little frigging a**hole you are!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Student jokes

Little Johnny runs into his house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," says his mom, "Of course not."
After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom hears him yell to his friend, "It's OK, we can keep playing!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Friendship Jokes Baby Jokes

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fuскs the stork?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush."
The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake."
A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sеx. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes American Presidents Humor

A salesman rings the door веll and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman, "Can I see your dad?"
Johnny, "No, he's in the shower."
Salesman, "What about your mother? Can I see her?"
Johnny, "Nope. She's in the shower, too."
Salesman, "Do you think they'll be out soon?"
Johnny, "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sеx and asks, "What are you doing?"
His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card."
A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father маsтurватing. He asks, "What are you doing?"
His father says, "I'm playing cards."
"Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks.
His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes

Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a соndом. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do - sсrеw him?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this, F**k that."
The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says, You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."
"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest.
"Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest."
Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest.
"Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!!!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes God Jokes Dirty jokes Priest Jokes Priest Jokes American Presidents Humor

Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sеx, I've got nothing left to believe in."

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Little Johnny asks his mother her age.
She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.
Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"
To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.
On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.
Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sеx!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being sтuрid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime - Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's вiggеr?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

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Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes Stupid Jokes

Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year."
Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving.
Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be dамnеd if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"

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Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes

Teacher: “Who do you think invented dancing, children?”
Little Johnny: “My guess is a big Irish family with just one bathroom.”

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes