Little Johnny - Page 2

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a соw and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a соw turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s**t?"

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George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says President Bush, "that would be an accident."A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If Air Force One carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hеll wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Friendship Jokes American Presidents Humor

Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one . How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think."
Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?"
Teacher: "Sure."
Little Johnny: "There are three women in the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is suскing her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"
Teacher: "The one suскing the cone."
Little Johnny: "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."

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School Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes

The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anyone have an example of a multisyllabic word?"
Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"
The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?"
Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."
The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, ma'am, you're thinking of a вlоw job. I'm talking about jerking off."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes

A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're sтuрid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, "Do you think you're sтuрid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Stupid Jokes

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.
When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after the first letter. Johnny started laughing. An hour later he forgot her name and said, Your name has an r after the first letter - is it Ms. Crunt?

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.
Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.
"Good job. Now, what's this animal?"
"A dog!" said Ricky.
"Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."
"I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A hоrny ваsтаrd!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."
The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"
Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."
The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate ."
Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big воовs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Student jokes Communication Jokes Boob Jokes

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night.
He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way. Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either.
The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return. Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes. What's wrong? asked Johnny. Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery - we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night.

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Sports Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes Funeral jokes Sick and Death Jokes

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sеx education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sеx education on TV.
Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. Great, said the teacher, that's very important.
Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. Well, that has to do with it too, said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sеx education. Yes it does, said Johnny, it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne.

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Sports Jokes Jokes about Women School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, "I bet it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, "I bet it's some chocolates!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held up the box and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
"What is it?" she said.
"A puppy!"

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Gross Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Wine jokes

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday Mass when he suddenly felt nauseous.
"Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!"
She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you."
So Little Johnny hauled аss for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.
"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom.
Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE
SICK.''

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Gross Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Church jokes American Presidents Humor

Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a реnis like a peanut!"
"What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?"
"No," says Johnny. "It's salty."

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Gross Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"
The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?
Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."
"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."
Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."
Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."

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Gross Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Fart Jokes

Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet.
His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he'll say, "аss" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple."
This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.
He exclaims, "R is for rats - big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"

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Gross Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.
Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

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Little Johnny Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chickeneggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched." Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of вееr, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of вееr. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't f**k with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

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Little Johnny Jokes Military Jokes Dad Jokes School Jokes Beer Jokes

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.'' ''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny. ''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad. ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a сrар in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sеx with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is sсrеwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Student jokes Dad Jokes