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Math Jokes

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What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt.
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One-Liner Jokes Math Jokes Zoo Jokes
DEPT OF STATISTICS:
All grades are plotted along the normal веll curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in.
The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY:
All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF RELIGION:
Grade is determined by God.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
Grades are variable.
DEPT OF LOGIC:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Random number generator determines grade.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION:
Everybody gets an A.
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God Jokes Religion jokes School Jokes Science jokes Math Jokes History Jokes Philosophy Jokes
Бесконечно Bis unendlich zählen Чък Норис е единственият човек броил два пъти до безкрайност. Чък Норис може да брои до безкрайност. Chuck Norris a déjà compté jusqu'à l'infini. Deux fois. Chuck Norris har räknat till oändligheten, två gånger. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity, twice. Chuck Norris ha contado hasta el número infinito... dos veces. Chuck Norris policzył do nieskończoności. Dwa razy. Rysiu też, ale na palcach jednej ręki. Chuck Norris doliczył do nieskończoności. Dwa razy. Chuck Norris napočítal do nekonečna. Dvakrát.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes Math Jokes
A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said:
"I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there.
So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks:
"Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered:
"I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?"
"Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming:
"Come on coach, give him another chance!"
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Sports Jokes Soccer Jokes Math Jokes
There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game.
At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000.
The first question was what is 10 plus 11?
She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!"
The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect."
All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5."
She answers and says "20".
Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2."
The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"
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Blonde Jokes Money jokes Soccer Jokes Math Jokes Stupid Jokes
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny!
What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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Little Johnny Jokes Technology Jokes Math Jokes School Jokes
I love math - it makes people cry.
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Science jokes Math Jokes
Q:Why do they never serve вееr at a math party?
A:Because you can't drink and derive...
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Science jokes Math Jokes Beer Jokes
A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean.
Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef.
They start debating how to open the can without can-opener.
Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it.
Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire.
Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
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Science jokes Math Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Q: Did you hear that joke about the infinite line?
A: Don’t worry, It doesn’t have a point!
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Science jokes Math Jokes
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
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Science jokes Math Jokes
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"
The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."
The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions.
Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research.
After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."
The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions.
At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
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Lawyer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Math Jokes Boss Jokes
Dear Maths,
Please grow up now and solve you problems yourself.
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Science jokes Math Jokes
Q: Why accountants don't read novels?
A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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Accountant Jokes Math Jokes Nerd jokes
Q: What did one math book say to the other?
A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!
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Science jokes Men jokes Math Jokes
Една мутра пътува със своя джип. На една блондинка много и се подигравали, че е много глупава и тя решила да си боядиса косата черна. Blonde in Disguise Blonde Counting Sheep Gefärbte Blondine beim Schäfer Der Schäfer und der TT Fahrer Η ΒΑΜΕΝΗ ΞΑΝΘΙΑ блондинка решила доказать, что она не дура. для этого она... Некој овчар си пасел овци,дошол некој цајкан без униформа и му рекол: Cansada das brincadeiras sobre sua burrice, a loira resolveu pintar o cabelo de preto. Para comemorar o novo visual, foi dar uma volta de carro pelo campo e la encontrou um pastor de ovelhas. — Bom dia, senhor pastor! Que lindo rebanho o senhor tem! — Obrigado! — Se eu acertar quantas ovelhas há... There was a typical blonde. She had long, blondehair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all theblonde jokes. One day she decided to get makeover. She cutand dyed her hair brunette and went drivingdown a country road, searching for someonewho would appreciate her for her intelligence. When she came... Eine Blondine, genervt von den ewigen Blondinenwitze, lässt sich die Haare rot färben und fährt aufs Land. Auf dem Weg dorthin trifft sie einen Hirten mit seiner Schafherde. Sie sagt ihm: "Wenn ich herausfinde wieviele Schafe Du hast darf ich eines mitnehmen, alles klar?" Der Hirte: "Ok"... A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet.... There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the... Do bacy wypasającego owieczki przyjeżdża człowiek w średnim wieku. Po wyjściu z samochodu pyta: - Baco, co tu robicie? Wypasacie owce? - Tak, panocku. - A baco, jak wam powiem ile macie tych... Un touriste en train de faire une randonnée en montagne croise un troupeau de moutons avec son berger. Ils discutent de tout et de rien et sur la proposition du touriste en viennent à faire un... Er was er eens een herder die met zijn schapen langs de kant van de weg liep. Plots dook er een spiksplinternieuwe Cherokee Jeep op, bestuurd door een man in een Hugo Boss hemd, Nike baskets, Rolex... Een dom blondje loopt op de Veluwe en ziet daar een herder met zijn schaapjes lopen. "Oh wat leuk" zegt het domme blondje tegen de herder, "ik wil ook zo'n lief schaapje hebben!" "Nou, zegt de... En blondine blev træt af alle de blondine vittigheder der var, og farvede sit hår sort, og kørte en tur på landet. Hun kom forbi en bondegård, med en mark med får. Hun holdte ind og spurgte... Det var en gång en blondin, som ville prova om det var sant det som folk säger om blondiner. Hon färgade håret kastanjebrunt, och åkte ut på landet, och stannade vid en bondgård. - Nu skall jag... Det var en gang en blondine som var lei av alle blondine-vitsene, og farget derfor håret brunt for å se om hun bli smartere. Litt senere på dagen kjørte hun forbi en bondegård med sauer. Hun sa til... Rigtig blondine? Blondinen er træt af at blive kaldt dum så hun tager en sort paryk på og kører sig en tur i bilen. Hun kommer til et vejkryds hvor der står en hyrde med sine får. Blondinen vil... One day a blonde woman named Sally finally got tired of everyone assuming she was stupid because of her hair color. She decided to go to the hairdressers and have her hair dyed brown. Feeling quite... Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to... A blonde got tired of everyone treating her like she was dumb so she decided to dye her hair brown. She went out and about in the world to prove that she was smart. She came upon a sheep farmer and... A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she... Jede přebarvená blondýnka na kole a potká baču se stádem ovcí. V dobrém rozmaru navrhne: „Když ti povím, kolik máš přesně ovcí, dáš mi jednu?” Bača souhlasí. Exblondýnka mu to řekne, strefí se a... Sikke et får En blondine ville bevise over for sig selv og for andre, at blondiner var knap så dumme som folk troede, så hun farvde sit hår brunt og drog ud for at bevise. Da hun var kommet godt ud... Blondinen på landet Så var der blondinen der farvede sit hår og kørte en tur på landet. Efter et stykke tid blev hun stoppet af en hel masse får der blokerede vejen. Blondinen fandt frem til...
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
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Blonde Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Math Jokes Dog jokes
Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a вiтсh is four; four plus four, the son of a вiтсh is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a вiтсh!"
Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords."
But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain.
"Oh, heavens" - said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."
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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Vulgar jokes Math Jokes
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
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Math Jokes Science jokes Geek jokes
Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper.
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Aviation Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Math Jokes
Sеx is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Math Jokes
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