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A professor has just died and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting, he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says,
"I am a taxi driver from New York City."
The angel standing at the gate calls out next, and the taxi driver steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses, and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver is quite pleased and proceeds through the gates.
Next, the professor steps up to the angel who hands him a wooden staff and some bread and water. The professor is very concerned and asks the angel, "That guy is a taxi driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my entire life teaching and get nothing! How can that be?"
The angel replies,
"Up here we judge on results. All of your people sleep through your lectures, in his taxi, they pray!"
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There are two fаggотs walking down the beach.
They are holding hands and kicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that is lying buried in the sand. He picks it up and starts to clean it off.
All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.
Genie, ” Man, I don’t believe it. I have been stuck in that bottle for two thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is a fаggот. I am suppose to give you three wishes but I just can’t do it. I won’t even give you two. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will it be?”
The two fаgs are excited about getting their wish but couldn’t come up with what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.
Fag #1 says,” Could you give us just a little time to think about it? I mean one wish we need a little time.”
The Genie looks down and says, “Alright you can take as long as you want but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I just can’t stand the sight of you two. Whenever you make up your mind just
Wish for it and it will be done.”
At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flies off into the sky.
Well the two fаgs decide that they will go back to the motel room and decide on what they will wish for. Once they got back, their emotions took over and they starting doing all that fаg stuff… Top and Bottom, Pitcher and Catcher
Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busted down and six men in white sheets and pointed hoods come storming in. They grab the fаggотs and throw a rope around their necks.
Fag #11 looks at Fаg #2 and says, ” You know this might be a good time to use our wish.”
Fag #2 says, “I already made it.”
Fag #1 ” What the hеll did you wish for?”
Fag #2 ” Well, I wished that we were hung like two niggеrs.”
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Here's a humorous story about a wealthy businessman as told by one of his grandchildren. Back in 1927 the businessman was bringing his wife, new baby and a nurse home from the hospital in a brand new Lincoln. As luck would have it, the car stalled on the tracks and they could hear a whistle blowing in the distance. Now, the man would rather risk his life than admit he couldn't handle any problem.
He looked at his watch and said calmly, "The 4:05 is right on time."
"My baby!" screamed his wife. "Let's get out!"
"What! And leave a $6,000 Lincoln on the tracks!" He snapped. "If you will just settle down, I'll get it started."
But nobody settled down, and the train came into view. Everyone left the car except the businessman. He leaned out the window and yelled to his wife, "Hey Ruth. In case I get killed, the key to the vault is behind the Shakespeare book in my study."
The conductor, slowing down for a stop anyway, managed to halt the train ten feet from the car.
"Dаrn!" cursed the businessman. "Now I've got to find a new hiding place for the vault key!"
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Two men, an American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems..
The Indian man said to the American, 'We have problem in India we can't marry the one whom we love, You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a lot of family problems.
The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love. I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.
The Indian fainted........!
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