Men jokes - Page 118

A man 80 years of age married a young lady. A year later he carried her to the hospital, and she had a baby. The nurse said to the man:
- ”At your age, how do you do that?”
The man answered, “You just have to keep the motor running.”
Another year passes, and the man carries her back to the hospital, another baby. The same nurses said to the man and asked: ‘You are something else, how do you do that?”
He said,”I told you that you just have to keep the motor running”. Another year and back tot he hospital for another baby. The same nurse said:
- ”You are unbelievable, how do you do that?!”
He said:
- ”You go to keep that motor running.”
She answered:
- ”Well, you better change oil, because this one came out black.”

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Chuck Norris made an armless man tap out.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him.
That man was Stephen Hawking.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Insult Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes Science jokes

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen.
The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.

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Sports Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges.
That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says,
"I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent .
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sеx with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies.
"They usually just ride the camel into town."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes

It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (Carrizozo, New Mexico) …
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Red cars may not drive down Lake Street (Minneapolis, Minnesota) …
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Marriage between cousins is against the law only if they are younger than 65 (Utah) …
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You are not allowed to eat fried chicken any other way than using your hands (Gainesville, Georgia)…
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In San Antonio, Texas, flirting is against the law. …
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Bear wrestling matches are prohibited (Alabama)
You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit (Wyoming)
It’s illegal to attend a public event or use public transport within 4 hours of eating an onions or garlic (Indiana)
In Idaho, it’s illegal for a man to give his fiancé a box of candy that weighs more than 50 lbs (22.5 kg)

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Stupid Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A husband and wife are cooing over their new born baby.
“Look at the size of his todger,” says the man. “It’s massive!”
“Yes dear,” says the woman. “But at least he’s got your ears.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Just went to a Halloween under 16’s disco.
I told everyone that I came dressed as an old man.
I lied.

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Men jokes Halloween Jokes

Just saw this group on facebook:
“Меnsтruатiоn, menopause, mental breakdowns… Ever noticed how all womens problems begin with men?”
No. All womens’ problems begin with opening their mouths and saying sтuрid things like that.

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Men jokes Facebook Jokes Criminal Jokes

It is genetically pre-recorded in men’s brain to look for a women, which is alike his mother – said Mr. John to the judge at the court, where he was being blamed for rарing his sister.

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Jokes about Women Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

Johnny puts his hand up. “Miss,” he says. “Would you do аnаl?”
“I beg your pardon?” says his teacher.
“I mean, would you take it up the аrsе miss?”
His teacher explodes. “You just stay behind after school and see me, young man!”
“Good,” beams Johnny. “I was hoping you would.”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes

How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.
I said,
"Are you two an item?"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Life Jokes

Yesterday I ran into my ex.
He said that he would buy me a new iPhone if I spend the night with him.
Men are such jerks!
Sent from my iPhone 7.

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Men jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

A guy goes to the first aid section of the hospital. He says: ‘I’ve got 3 ваlls, could you have a look?
A nurse takes him to the examination room, checks his ваlls, and says: ‘Nope, you’ve got 2 ваlls, just like any other man’
‘Impossible’, the guy says, ‘you should look better’
The nurse checks his ваlls again for a couple of minutes and says: ‘there’s really nothing wrong’
‘Get another nurse’, the guys demands.
Another nurse joins the club and starts checking his ваlls too and says: ‘Really, I only see 2 ваlls…
The guy says: ‘Okay, perhaps I’m mistaking…’, and he walks away.
Just outside he runs into his friend who says: ‘Hey, what are you doing here?
The guy: ‘Well… I was waiting for the bus and noticed that it could take at least 1 hour for the bus to arrive. So I thought, I’m gonna have some chicks rub and touch my sack for a while…

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Men jokes Friendship Jokes Disability Jokes Nurse jokes

A wise man once said... Nothing, he only listened.

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Men jokes Communication Jokes

An advertisement:
I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones.
Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

It was the middle of the night. Suddenly there was a loud rapping on the doctor's door, followed by a groan.
The doctor angrily тhrusт his head out of the window. "WELL?" he shouted.
"No," moaned the man. "Sick."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes