With the circus in town, a local man is very excited to see the magic show and rushes down to the big top. He reaches the gates just as the circus is closing for the day but manages to buy a ticket and hurriedly runs into the tent.
“Where’s the magic show?”, he breathlessly asks one employee.
The lady replies that she just saw the magician in the back packing up his bags for the day and without wasting a minute, the man rushes back to see the show. He races into the room only to find the magician ready to leave.
“I’m here for the magic show”, the guy tells the magician.
“Sorry pal, come back tomorrow I’m going home.” replies the magician.
“Look”, says the man, “I just paid good money to come in and see a magic show and that’s what I expect!”
Visually annoyed, the magician tells him, “Buddy, I’ve been here all day and I’d like to go home and see my wife and kids.”
With that, the customer becomes more irate and demands that he be shown at least one magic trick.
“Ok, you want to see a magic trick?!”, the magician asks. “Pull down your pants.”
The man looks skeptical but does as he’s told.
“Now bend over and grab your ankles.” As he does the magician walks behind him and the man flinches. “There,” asks the magician, “Can you feel my finger in your аss?”
The man winces and replies, “Yeah.”
The magician holds both of his hands over the guy’s back, wiggles his fingers in front of his face and shouts, “Ta-Dah.”
I was driving to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman ‘the eagle’.
“Man, that guy is sтuрid,” I thought to myself.
I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here’s why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that’s 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.
That’s 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.
Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that’s 18,000.
In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That’s 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That’s 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That’s 98.
And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That’s 33.
According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.
Piss one off? I think not