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Възрастна жена разхождала съпруга си с кола извън града, когато я спряла пътна полиция. - Госпожо, карате с превишена скорост... Ein Ehepaar ging einmal nach London, um Ferien zu machen. Als sie dort in einem Pub sassen, kam ein Engländer zu ihnen und fragte: "Where are you from?", und der Mann antwortete: "We are from Switzerland." Da die Frau kein Englisch konnte, fragte sie ihren Mann, was sie denn gesagt haben.... An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol. “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” “He said you were... Poliisi pysäytti 80 v. pariskunnan ja mummo oli vähän huonokuuloinen. Poliisi kysyi rekisteriotetta papalta Mummo kysyi heti ”Mitä se kysy?” Pappa vastasi, että ”rekisteriotetta”. Seuraavaksi...
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A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”
“Oh, really? Dаrn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and рее through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’
“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
Schrebergarten neben dem Fußballstadion Хърбава, гърбава и стара жена влачи по улицата две чувалчета за боклук. Ein Polizist hält eine Oma auf der Straße an, die zwei schwere Plastiktüten schleppt. Er bietet sich an, ihr zu helfen und frägt sie: Una viejita estaba caminando por la calle, arrastrando dos grandes bolsas plásticas de basura, una en cada mano. Una de las bolsas tenia un hueco y de vez en cuando un billete de 20 pesos salía de la bolsa y caía en la vereda. Viendo esto, un policía la para y le dice: - Señora, hay billetes de... Uma velhinha caminhava pela calçada arrastando 2 sacos plásticos de lixo. Uma das sacolas estava rasgada e de vez em quando caía uma nota de 20 dólares pelo buraco da sacola. Um policial que passava a parou e disse: — Senhora, tem notas de 20 caindo... Gumman gick på vägen släpandes på två stora svarta sopsäckar. Ur ett hål på den ena gled den ena hundralappen efter den andra ut. Detta observerades av en polis, som blev misstänksam. Han plockade... En gång var Bellman och cyklade så kom en polis och sa: - Det läcker pengar ur din påse. Bellman: Okej, jag cyklar tillbaka och hämtar dem. Polisen: Vad har du i andra påsen? Bellman: Jag... Det var en gång en Bellman som cyklade med två säckar på ryggen. Ur den ena säcken läckte det pengar. Då kom polisen. - Det läcker pengar ur din säck. Har du stulit dem? frågade polisen. - Nej du... Ufak tefek yaşlı bir kadın iki plastik torba taşıyarak caddede yürüyormuş. Torbalardan biri delinmiş ve 20 dolarlıklar uçuşmaya başlamış. Polisin biri kadını durdurup; "Hanımefendi torbadan...
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Q) Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
A) It didn’t have a haunting license.
Q) What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
A) The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Q) Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
A) Because they were trans-parents!
Q) Which ghost is the best dancer?
A) The Boogie Man!
Q) Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
A) It raises their spirits.
Q) What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A)Bamboo.
Q) Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?
A) It dampens their spirits!
Q) What part of a house do ghosts and spirits avoid?
A) The living room.
Q) Why are ghosts such terrible liars?
A) Because you can see right through them.
Q) How did the little ghost learn to play the piano?
A) By using sheet music
Q) Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A) For the Boos.
Q) Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A) Mali-boo.
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Звъни се в полицията: Звъни телефона в КГБ. В полицията звъни телефона: Ѕвони телефонот во полицијата се јавува цајканот и слуша: An old man lived alone in Tasmania. Το τηλέφωνο χτυπά στα κεντρικά της KGB. - Εμπρός.. - Εμπρός, είναι εκεί η KGB; - Μάλιστα, σε τι μπορούμε να σας εξυπηρετήσουμε; - Τηλεφωνώ για να σας πω ότι ο γείτονάς μου Yankel Rabinovitz είναι εχθρός του κράτους. Κρύβει παράνομα διαμάντια μέσα στα κούτσουρα που έχει για την φωτιά. -... An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the... Oddział terenowy Centralnego Biura Śledczego w Nowym Targu, dzwoni telefon: - Słucham - Dobry... kciołem podać,że Jontek Pipciuś Przepustnica chowie w stogu drzewa maryhuanę. - Dziękujemy za doniesienie, zajmiemy się tym. - Kolejnego dnia zjawiają się na podwórku u Przepustnicy żądni... Sovyetler Birliği'nin ayakta olduğu dönemler. KGB'ye ihbar geliyor: - "Komşum Salamon bir haindir. Devletten elmaslarını saklamak için onu odunluktaki odunların içlerine gizledi." KGB anında baskın... Пише мама синові в тюрму: — "Синку, мені так важко самій, треба картоплю посадити, а нема кому навіть город скопати." — "Мамо, ні в якому разі не копайте город! Там я дещо закопав! Бо вас посадять... Trabzonda yaşlı bir adam yaşardı. Domates ekimi için bahçeyi bellemesi gerekiyordu, lakin bu çok zor bir işti. Tek oğlu olan Temel ona yardım edebilirdi, fakat o da hapisteydi. Yaşlı adam oğluna... Egy fickó feljelentést tesz a rendőrségen: - A szomszédom udvarán 15 köbméter fa van! - De uram, ez nem bűn. - De ő Németországból hozta! - Ha nem szemét, akkor ez sem bűn. - De úgy tudom, hogy a... Csörög a telefon a KGB központjában: - Szeretném bejelenteni, hogy Igor Szergejevics a rendszer ellensége. Gyémántokat rejteget a tűzifájában! A KGB azon nyomban kiszáll Szergejevics házához,... Itic suna la Securitate: - Alo, vedeti ca Strul are niste lemne ! - Si ce e cu asta? - A gaurit si a introdus in fiecare lemn bijuterii, Diamante, dolari si, probabil, ceva munitie adusa din... Māte raksta dēlam uz cietumu: - Dēliņ. Pēc tam,kad tevi iesēdināja, es vairs nezinu,ko iesākt. Ar saimniecību galā neitku,dārzu uzrakt nevaru, kartupeļi nav iestādīti... Dēls atbild: - Mamm, dārzā... Milicijoje Kovos su grobstymais ir spekuliacija skyriuje suskambėjo telefonas: - Komjaunimo gatvės 38 namo kieme sukrauti rąstai. Rąstuose paslėpti auksiniai cariniai rubliai ir deimantai... -...
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One Day Sтuрid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.
Well, Sтuрid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station.
When they got there the chief asked them their names.
“Shut Up”, replied Shut Up.
“Sтuрid”, replied Sтuрid.
The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him sтuрid.
Which made him very mad.
“Excuse Me!” shouted the chief.
Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.
“Shut Up!”
“Sтuрid!”
The police chief was very riled.
He then asked” Are you looking for trouble?”!!!
Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,”Why yes, how did you know?”
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A man and his wife, both recently retired, went into town to buy some milk and bread. They were only in the store for about five minutes, but when they came out, they noticed a police officer writing a parking ticket, clearly about to place it on their car.
"Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" the man exclaimed. The police officer ignored him and continued writing the ticket, before sticking it firmly to the windshield. "You're a duмваss," the man shouted at the police officer.
The police man glared at them and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres on their car. Getting annoyed, the wife shouted at the cop: "You're a s**t head."
The police officer finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then, he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more the couple abused the cop, the more tickets he wrote.
Then a bus arrived and the couple jumped on and went home.
Ich war kurz beim Bäcker. Nach fünf Minuten verließ ich den Laden. Als ich wieder rauskam, war da eine Politesse und schrieb gerade einen Strafzettel. Also ging ich zu ihr hin und sagte: "Ach komm,... Afgelopen week moest ik naar de bakker, waar ik nog geen vijf minuten binnen was. Toen ik weer naar buiten ging, stond daar een politieagent een parkeerbon uit te schrijven. Dus ik liep op hem af... Un jour, je sors du restaurant et j'aperçois un policier qui rédige une contravention. Je m'approche et lui dis : - Je ne suis resté que cinq minutes chez le boulanger. Ne pouvez-vous pas annuler... Un giorno, uscendo dal ristorante, vedo un vigile che sta facendo una contravvenzione per divieto di sosta. Mi avvicino rapidamente e gli dico: “Senta, sono stato appena cinque minuti dal fornaio....
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