School jokes, Teacher Jokes

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out.
This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.

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School Jokes

Teacher: “If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?”
Boy: “Somebody else’s pants.”

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School Jokes

Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused.
His mother was Jewish and his father was Hispanic.
So Johnny says, "Mum, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?"
"What does it really matter? You’ll just have to ask your father", his mother tells him.
So Johnny’s father gets home from work and Johnny asks the same question,
"Dad, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?"
"What kind of a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want to know if you’re more Jewish or more Hispanic?" asks his dad.
"Well, it’s like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for $50, I don’t know whether to talk him down to $25, or wait till dark and steel the fuскing thing!"

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Jewish Jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word "definitely" in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The teacher says, "Of course not Johnny", To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants."

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School Jokes Gross Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Fart Jokes

Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution:
"When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."

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School Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The Teacher asked Little Johnny,
"How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"
Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: How did the pirate get through School?
A: By sailing on high C's.

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School Jokes Sailor Jokes Pirate Jokes

One day, Bob came home from school very happy and that got his mother suspicious; "What’s the matter Bob? How come you’re that happy?"
"You can’t even imagine-..! Today at school, I planted a bomb on the teacher’s chair and we all laughed sooo hard!"
The mother upset: "Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Don’t you know that you’re going to be suspended? How you think you’re gonna show up in the school again tomorrow?"
And Bob, with a sтuрid smile on his face: "School? What school?"

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School Jokes

A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science and mathematics.
He makes friends with the tribe's chief and his wife and they all live happily for some time.
One day the chief's wife gives birth to a white child.
The word spreads and the entire tribe is in shock.
The chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look, you are the only white man we've ever seen around here, and my wife gave birth to a white child.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, chief, you're mistaken.
What we have here is a natural occurrence what we in the civilized world call an albino!
Look at that field over there.
All the sheep are white except for one black one.
Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what.
You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about the white kid."

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes School Jokes Baby Jokes Black People Jokes White people jokes Boss Jokes

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
Johnny: I is..
Teacher: No, that's not correct Johnny.
You should always say, 'I am.'
Johnny: Okay, 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

There was an employment advertisement in an office. So a guy went there. Managrer asked him:
"Do you know what is the meaning of Ph.D.?"
The guy answered:
"Passed High school with Difficulties."

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Management Jokes Student jokes

Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have?
I would have five dollars...
You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny...
You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Math Jokes

Little Johnny's father farted.
The son asked his father: "What was that?"
His father said: "My sweet that is 'north wind'"
When he went to school the teacher asked the class: "Who knows the direction of the north wind?
Little Johnny shouted: "My daddy's аss!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes Fart Jokes

Twin brother were in a same class. Teacher ask them to write their father’s name.
They wrote different name.
Teacher was shocked and ask them why did they wrote the different names.
They reply, ” Now you wont say that we cheated”.

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School Jokes

A blonde woman, a priest, a pilot, and a high schooler are all on a crashing plane.
There are only enough parachutes to save three of them, and the pilot is the first to jump out. He grabs a parachute and says, "I'm a pilot! People need me to fly planes!" and then jumps out. The blonde is next to jump out. She grabs a parachute and says, "My hair won't look pretty if I'm dead!" and then jumps out. The priest then says to the high schooler, "Son, I've lived my life to its fullest and I am surely ready to join God in heaven." The high schooler then hands a parachute to the priest and puts another parachute on himself. The priest is shocked and asks the high schooler, "Oh Lord! Where did you find this extra parachute?" The high schooler replies, "The blonde lady took my backpack!"

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Blonde Jokes School Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes Priest Jokes

Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.
Billy: Who, me? Teacher: Very good!

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School Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of STUDY and DYING?

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School Jokes

One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count.
The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
The mother responds, "Very good honey."
The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?"
And the mother responds, "Yes dear."
Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs!
The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"
The mother says, "Very good honey."
The blonde then asked.
"Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
The mother responds, "Yes dear."
The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming!
But I was the only one who had вrеаsтs.
Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."

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Blonde Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes Math Jokes

Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee.
"Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Computer Jokes Love Jokes

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my вееr.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your вuтт kicked on Cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific.
The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over?
Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking?
You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of сrаск, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm?
That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Beer Jokes