School jokes, Teacher Jokes

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ¨Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!¨ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ¨Yes sir!¨ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ¨Forks and knives, forks and knives!¨ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ¨Goody-goody gumdrops!¨ A few weeks later, there was a мurdеr in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: Who killed the man?
Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!
Policeman: Did you кill the man?
Foreign man: Yes sir!
Policeman: What did you use to кill him:
Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives!
Policeman: You´re under arrest.
Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!

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Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t".
Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.

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School Jokes

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun."
"Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII."
"Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.

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Food Jokes Old People Jokes Love Jokes School Jokes

A father went to take his daughter from school.
While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!"
"With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her.
"Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes Kids Jokes

Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life.
Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died.
Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy.
Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well

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Student jokes School Jokes

in English class the teacher says
(Teacher): Kids you need to say the alphabet ok Sally you first.
(Sally): Okay a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z.
(Teacher): good job Sally. Then the teacher called on 4 other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on little Johnny.
(Teacher): Little Johnny say the alphabet.
(Little Johnny): bcefghijklmnopsvwxyz.
(Teacher): no Johnny that’s not right.
(Johnny): oh I forgot u r a q t.
(Teacher). No still not right and thank you.
(Johnny): oh I’ll give you the d later .
(Class): (laughing). (Teacher): GO TO THE OFFICE NOW .

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Office and Work Jokes Student jokes School Jokes

Teacher:
"Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?"
Student:
"A heart attack."

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes Math Jokes

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with “what do you mean I already did it” then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said “Aww it pays to be lazy!”

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Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Aviation Jokes School Jokes

While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

"What are they doing?" she asked the tour guide.

"Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious lady asked the guide:
"So, what's the answer?"

The guide replied:
"One."

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College jokes School Jokes

little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"

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School Jokes

One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, "Apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown." Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him but she calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, it's a potato, but I like your thinking," the teacher replies. "Okay the next one is long, yellow, and fairly hard." Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically but the teacher calls on Sally who say, "A banana." The teacher responds, "No, it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is irritated now so he speaks up loudly, "Hey, I've got one for you teacher. Let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and it's got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries, "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

There was a school about learning roundhouse kicks.
No one finished it.
Why?
Chuck Norris kicked them with a roundhouse kick.
It's his only weakness so no one must know how to do Roundhouse Kick!

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School Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sports Jokes

Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need

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School Jokes

Why can’t college students take exams at the zoo? – Too many cheetahs!

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Animal Jokes Student jokes Zoo Jokes School Jokes

What do you call a high school student?
Alone and depressed.

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Student jokes School Jokes

A teaher gives her kindergarden students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors the students guess cherry lime and orange. They dont know th last flavor. So the teacher gives them and hint and say its what your parents call each other. [honey] But a little girl shouts and says “ ОМG there аsshоlеs.

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Student jokes School Jokes

Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family.
Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11
Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY!
Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died.
Teacher: What was that?
Alex: Flew the plane.

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Aviation Jokes Dad Jokes

A college student stated, " I DON'T LIKE HISTORY."

"THERE'S NO FUTURE IN IT."

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College jokes School Jokes

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

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School Jokes One-Liner Jokes

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate’ "

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Sex Jokes Dad Jokes School Jokes