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School Jokes

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Don’t eat turkey sandwiches, no matter what ! !
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that
They both brought turkey sandwiches every day! This went on all through
The fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich
Wasn’t a turkey sandwich.
He said, ‘Hey, how come you’re not eating turkey, don’t you like it anymore?’
She said ‘I love it but I have to stop eating it.’
‘Why?’ he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said ‘Cause I’m starting to grow little
Feathers down there!’
‘Let me see’ he said.
‘Okay’ and she showed him. He looked and said, ‘That’s right. You are! Better
Not eat any more turkey.’
He kept eating his turkey sandwiches until one day he brought a peanut
Butter sandwich instead. He said to the little girl, ‘I have to stop eating turkey
Sandwiches, I’m starting to get feathers down there too!’ She asked if she
Could look, so he showed her!
She said, ‘Oh, my God, it’s too late for you!
You’ve already got the NECK and Giblets!!
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Why are these kids bringing all these guns to school? And the parents never know:
'Oh, we had no idea. We didn't know.' How could you not know that your kids are making 30 pipe bombs in the garage? My dad knew if I broke wind in the backyard.
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Difference between Indian Movies and American
Movie :
-
American movies :
1. Chinese have nothing better to do than
Teaching or practice Kung Fu.
2. More than 50% of U. S. population are FBI/
CIA agents, working undercover.
3. The purpose of school system of U. S. is to
Promote basketball.
4. Aliens have special interest in attacking U. S.
5. U. S. is a place where you can meet all
Mythical creatures like were wolves and vampires.
.
.
Indian movies :
1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.
2. While defusing a bomb, do not worry,
Whichever wire you cut u'll always choose the
Right".
3. A hero will show no pain, while getting beaten
Up,
But will show pain when a girl cleans up his
Wound.
4. A detective can solve a case only when he is
Suspended from duty.
5. If you decide to start dancing on the street,
Everyone you meet will know the steps.
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You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman.
Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
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Bruno came home from school crying in hysterics. Looking at the bruises all
Over his face, it was apparent he got into some trouble.
"What happened to you?" his father says in a panicky manner.
"You remember the other day you told me 'Sticks and stones may break my
Bones, but words will never harm me.'"
"Of course," the father replies.
"Well," Bruno says,
"You were right about the sticks and stones."
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I asked my grandma what health problems ran in our family, for a school project.
She said she couldn't really think of any.
"So you've been pretty healthy all your life?" I asked.
"Yep." she replied contentedly.
"So you've never been bed ridden?" I went on.
"Lord yes, hundreds of times, and once in a buggy!"
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End of the year essay: In this school, I learned...
Friendship
Unity
Compassion
Kindness
Thanking
History
Imagination
Society
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This little boy was walking to school when he found a frog. He picked the frog up and went to school. When he got to school, he sat the frog up on his desk and his teacher freaked out. "What is that?????” she asked him. "It's a deaf frog, Ma'am", answered the little boy. "What, what, what??? How do you know it is a deaf frog???” screamed the teacher. "I рissеd in his ear and he didn't move", said the boy truthfully. "What, what, what, what do you mean you рissеd in his ear and he didn't move????” she asked in an outrage. "Just like I said, I leaned over, I went PSSSSTTTT, in his ear and he didn't move!"
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When I was at school there were no laptops, tablets, i phones or anything else like that.
We had to get by with just stealing tiffin money.
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A high school girl, seated next to a famous astronomer at a dinner party, struck up a conversation with him by asking, “What do you do in life?”
He replied, “I study astronomy.”
“Dear me,” said the girl. “I finished astronomy last year.”
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Down here on the school track, a man has been shot with a starting pistol… …
…
The police are pretty sure it’s race related.
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As a kid, parent-teacher conferences were embarrassing and awkward for me and my parents. My teacher made my parents write on the blackboard one hundred times, "We will not have any more children."
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Why didn’t anyone take the school bus to school?
I wouldn’t fit through the door.
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I hate it when I see an OLD person and then realize we went to school together.
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I told my girlfriend I love the schoolgirl fantasy.
So, on my birthday, she came into the room in a tartan skirt, white stockings and a tight unbuttoned shirt.
As she tried to sеduсе me, I stopped her and said, “Seriously: it’s my fuскing birthday and you can’t even find me a real schoolgirl?”
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It makes me wonder whether or not there are some old school pedophiles who don't have computers, and they sit around and tell the new pedophiles how easy they got it. 'You know, when I was a young man, there was no Internet. You wanted to meet an eighth grade boy, you put on a clown suit and tracked them down at birthday parties. You couldn't e-mail them like today, you lazy ваsтаrds. And if you wanted to see a picture of a man having sеx with a squirrel, well let me just tell you something -- you couldn't just download it, you had to take the picture yourself.'
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There's a French guy, an Italian guy, an Brit gentleman and a Croatian guy.
The French guy flies to Paris. On his way, he drops a croissant.
Then at Paris airport he sees a kid crying. He asks
"Why are you crying?"
The kid replies "Someone dropped a croisssant on my head!"
Next the Italian guy flies to Rome. On the way down he drops a pizza.
At Roma airport he sees a kid crying.
He asks "Why are you crying?" The kid replies
"Someone dropped a pizza on my head!"
Then the Brit guy flies to London.
On the way he drops a plate of fish and сhiрs.
Then at London Heathrow airport he sees a kid crying.
He asks "Why are you crying?"
The boy replies "Someone dropped a plate of fish and сhiрs on my head!"
Finally the Croatian guy flies to Zagreb.
On the way he drops a bomb
In town he sees a kid laughing, next to a destroyed school.
The guy asks"Why are you laughing?"
The kid replies " I farted and the whole school exploded!
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A university student named Jesse was taking a psychology course. Throughout the semester he was not doing very well on his exams and papers.
It came time for finals and he studied very hard, knowing that it would be a one question test. To receive a good grade on the test the students had to write everything they knew on the test subject. The day came for the test and the students, especially Jesse, were very nervous.
The professor came in and started the test, which consisted of one question:
"What is it to be courageous?"
All of the students started writing frantically. Jesse sat there for a while and simply wrote:
"This is being courageous." He then turned in his test.
Jesse received the only A in the class.
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Student Report Cards …..
…..
Here are a dozen real comments made by teachers on their student report cards. … All twelve are screamers!
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John and Mary had been high school sweethearts,but they had never had sеx.
“We will wait until we get married,”Mary insisted.
So john waited,and waited,and waited. Finally,after three years of engagement,they got married.
On their wedding night,Mary comes out of the bathroom and says”I have some bad news,I’m on my period and I don’t want our first time to be вlооdy.”
“You have got to be fсuкing joking!”screamed John.
“Look,I’m sorry,”said Mary,”but we will have to wait a bit longer.”
Mary then got into bed and went to sleep. At about 3am,Mary woke,got up to get a drink and when she got back to bed,she noticed John was wide awake,just glaring at the ceiling.
“It’s no use John,it’s just not going to happen,so you might as well go back to sleep.”said Mary.
“I wish I could!”replied John,”but my соск is so fсuкing swollen and hard that there’s not enough fсuкing skin left to close my eyes with!!!”
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