Women - Page 57

Hillary Clinton has finally announced she will be running for President. Yes, finally. She says this is a great step forward for all women... who happen to be married to a former president.

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A really dumb woman tries to use her computer, but it wouldn't work. So she calls a computer repairman to come out and fix it. The computer repairman comes and looks at the computer. He notices that it wasn't plugged in, so he plugs it in. He starts up the computer and the woman was so overjoyed that she asks him what was wrong with the computer. He replied that it was an "I D 10 T error"

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Computer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

How can you tell she's a macho women?
She rolls her own tampons.

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women

Bill Gates died in a car accident.
He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God…
“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Неll. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”
Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?”
God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.”
“Fine, but where should I go first?”
God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.”
Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Неll first.”
So Bill went to Неll.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters.
There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.
The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect.
Bill was very pleased.
“This is great!” he told God, “If this is Неll, I REALLY want to see Heaven!”
“Fine,” said God and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.
It was nice but not as enticing as Неll.
Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision.
“Hmm, I think I prefer Неll” he told God.
“Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.”
So Bill Gates went to Неll.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Неll.
When God arrived in Неll, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave.
He was being burned and tortured by demons.
“How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked.
Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment,
“This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”
God says, “That was the screen saver”.

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Car and driving jokes Jokes about Women Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes God Jokes Computer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

You know who's mad at Kobe?
Every other player in the NBA.
You know why?
Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring.
Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum.
Cause you know how women are, man.
Women get upset:
"Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that вiтсh get my $3 million, too?"

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

I like my women like I like my coffee. … …
…
…
Stuffed in a burlap sack and smuggled across Brazil.

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Sexist Jokes Jokes about Women Coffee Jokes

Here lies the bones of Screwy Diск,
He spent his whole life with a corkscrew рriск,
He searched and he searched in the feudal hunt,
To find the woman with the corkscrew c*nt.
He finally found her and then dropped dead,
Cos the son-of-a-вiтсh had a left hand thread.

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Funny Poems Jokes about Women

A beautiful woman came up to me in a bar and said, “I’m looking for Mr Right and you look like you could be him.”
I said, “You must have me confused with someone else.”
As she slowly rubbed my leg she said, “Oh I don’t think so sеxy. It’s definitely you.”
That’s when I got my passport out and said, “Look… Mr Jones, you silly вiтсh!”

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Misunderstanding Jokes Jokes about Women Masturbation jokes

Woman delivers baby.
Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc.
Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?"
Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fuскing with you, it was born dead".

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Baby Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Nurse jokes

Why are marriend women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.

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Single People Jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes One-Liner Jokes

My relationships with women have suскеd ever since I began dating and picking up вавеs. I met this gal in a bar Tuesday night and took her back to my apartment.
I was getting ready to shаg her and she started crying.
I said, “What’s wrong? Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?”
She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

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Dating Jokes Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?"
The clerk says to her, "Just a second."
The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.

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Aviation Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A 90 year old women goes to the doctor.
- Dr, I can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more.
- Well take these pills every day and come back in a week.
...
- Dr, what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well!
- Oh very well, now about your hearing...

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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes

Аsshоlе: I f*cked your mom last night, OOOOOO.
Me: Really? You mean the 53 year old woman with a hairy moist vаginа who was previously f*cked by my dad to born me and my sister, also where she рissеs on the toilet?
Asshole: Ew!

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Mean Jokes Jokes about Women Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

Man: Excuse me, Excuse me, do you no CPR?
Woman: (hopefully says) Yes
Man: Oh thank god
Woman: What is it?
Man: My diск isn't breathing, I think i need mouth to diск resuscitation.

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

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Religion jokes Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Wedding jokes Priest Jokes Math Jokes

I walked into my grandparents house today and caught my grandad shаgging a young blonde woman on the sofa.
“Fсuкing hеll grandad,” I said, “You promised me that you’d spend your retirement money on the surgery that you desperately needed.”
“I did,” he replied, “Doesn’t your nan look great!?”

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Retirement Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Blonde Jokes Old People Jokes

Two women on their way back from a night out stop in a graveyard for a рiss. One wipes her fаnny with her knickers, and the other uses a wreath of flowers. Their two husbands were in the pub the next day. One says, “I’d better watch my wife. She came home last night with no knickers on.” The other man says, “That’s fсuк all, mine had a card wedged in her аrsе saying, We’ll never forget you. From all the boys at the firestation.

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Misunderstanding Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Masturbation jokes

Why do women have вrеаsтs?
So men will talk to them.

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Communication Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes