Jokes about Women

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My woman and I have finally worked out a good arrangement.
I mean, one night a week I go out with the guys and one night a week, she goes out with the guys.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Cheating Jokes

Herm is 85 years old and retired.
He gets a checkup with his physician.
A week or so afteward the doc sees Herm strolling the boardwalk with his arm around a beautiful, comely young female.
The doctor stops him and asks, “Herm, you must be feeling terrific, yes?”
Herman says, “Just following orders, Doc. You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful."
The physician exclaims, “Herm, that's not what I told you!
I said, ‘Your heart's got a murmur.
Be careful.’”

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes

MAN: I'm so sorry the marriage didn't work out.
WOMAN: It's okay, we can still be cousins.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Redneck jokes

Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas.
He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals.
The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers.
This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo.
It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar:
"Thanks; but we prefer fruit."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

A woman goes into a noisy launderette and asks the assistant to do a service wash.
‘What?!’ shouts the assistant.
‘Come again?!’
‘No!’ shouts back the woman.
‘This time it’s mustard!’

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating тамроn.
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

Chuck Norris can make love to a girl so hard and fast it inspired a reality tv series.
We know it as Forged in the fire.

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Jokes about Women Chuck Norris Jokes Sex Jokes

Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.

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Jokes about Women Chuck Norris Jokes Sex Jokes Dirty jokes

Three women were trapped on an island. They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, "I will grant you ladies three wishes." The first woman said, "Turn me into a fish" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, "Give me a boat" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, "Turn me into a man" and she walked across the bridge.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

What's a man's idea of a perfect date? A woman who answers the door stark nакеd holding a six pack.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Love Jokes

Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, “Correct me if I’m wrong but….
”Don’t do it!! It’s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes Dating Jokes

Раddy is fitting a kitchen in a posh house when the woman asks him if he’d like something to drink.
Paddy accepts and soon after the woman brings him a mug of coffee.
“Excellent coffee,” says Раddy.
“Thank you,” says the woman. “My husband brought it back from Brazil.”
“That’s great,” says Раddy, “and it’s still warm as well.”

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Jokes about Women Irish jokes Coffee Jokes

Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Lisa needs brain surgery and figures its easier to buy a new brain.
She asks the doctor what he has on sale.
"Well you're in luck I have two in stock, a man's brain for $1000, and a woman's for $100."
Surprised she asks why the price difference?
"Generally women brains run cheaper because they come to us used!"

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes

Q: Do you know what 69 is?
A: It's a good thing sсrеwеd up by a period.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Dirty jokes

I won’t say I’m awkward around women….
But i once chatted up a blind girl with sign language.

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes

An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains. As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead p*ssy." The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common."

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Sexist Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

You'll never have a successful relationship with a woman if you can't tell the difference between a smile and a warning.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes