Work Jokes, Office Jokes

A Liverpool docker went to South Africa for a job.
The boss tells him, "Its people like you we want here. Here's a test. There's a revolver, go out and shoot 6 niggеrs and a rabbit."
The docker asks, "Why do I have to shoot the rabbit?"
He got the job.

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I discovered that I'd spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store's "Feel the Comfort" sticker stuck to my body.
More humiliating?
It was attached to my left вrеаsт.

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Business jokes Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes

Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job.
You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while.
She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom."
"Why, what's his new job?"
"He's an embalmer."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes

They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them.
The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!'
'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?'
Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'"
The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'"
The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whоrе!'
And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whоrе? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"

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Cheating Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Military Jokes

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'm gonna go play in my room for a couple of hours.
I sure would like a piece of cake after though!
Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Wow!, it worked!"
Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"

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Little Johnny Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dad Jokes

A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."

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Relationship Jokes Office and Work Jokes

Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.

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Office and Work Jokes April Fools' Jokes

Client: "Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence."
Me: "You mean... the period?"
Client: "I don't care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it."

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Car and driving jokes Office and Work Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Моsеs, and Sаinт Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.
They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten.
After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."

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Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes God Jokes Political Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes American Presidents Humor

Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.

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Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Vulgar jokes

Computers are like air conditioners.
They work fine until you start opening windows.

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Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

My uncle was a racist piano player, all his work sounded awful because he skipped all the black keys.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Office and Work Jokes

Two liars were talking together:
First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night."
Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's аss."
First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you."
Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Vulgar jokes Birthday Jokes

A Microsoft support technician goes to a firing range.
He shoots ten bullets at the target 50m away.
The supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit.
They shout to him that he missed completely.
The technician tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer.
The technician then aims the gun at his finger and shoots, blasting it off.
He shouts back, ‘It’s working fine here!
The problem must be at your end!’

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IT jokes Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Single People Jokes Boss Jokes

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

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Office and Work Jokes Old People Jokes Boss Jokes

Q: When do accountants laugh out loud?
A: When somebody asks for a raise.

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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

Q: Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
A: Dracula's dentist.

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Dentist Jokes Office and Work Jokes Vampire jokes

Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning. Compiles...
See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles...
See 83 errors, pitches computer.

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IT jokes Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when Sатаn appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer:
"I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, and the souls of all your friends and law partners."The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"

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Judge and Court Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes Lawyer Jokes