En gammel rig mand med dårligt hjerte, beder en læge om at gennemsøge hele verden, for at finde det bedste donorhjerte. Penge er ikke noget problem.
Et par dage senere ringer lægen til manden, og fortæller at han har fundet tre hjerter, men de er alle meget dyre.
Den gamle mand siger igen, at penge ikke er et problem, og beder lægen om at fortælle om donorene af hjerterne.
- Tjaa, det første tilhørte en 22-årig marathonløber, der aldrig havde røget, kun havde spist sund mad, og var i topform, da han blev ramt af en bus. Ingen skade på hjertet, men det koster 100.000$!
Den gamle mand ignorerer bemærkningen om beløbet, og vil høre om den anden donor.
- Dette hjerte tilhørte en 16-årig distancesvømmer, som havde topkarakterer i gymnasiet. Han druknede, da han slog hovedet mod pool-kanten. Det hjerte koster 150.000$.
- OK, sagde den gamle, hvad så med det tredje?
- Ja, det tilhørte en 58-årig mand, som havde røget 3 pakker cigaretter om dagen, vejede over 150 kg, aldrig motionerede og drak som et hul i jorden.... dette hjerte koster 500.000$!
- 500.000$?? sagde den gamle, hvorfor er det så dyrt?
- Dette hjerte tilhørte en advokat, så det har aldrig været brugt.......
Dette er citater fra bogen ‘Disorder in the American Courts’. Det er udtalelser som rent faktisk er blevet sagt i retten og derefter nedfældet af domstolenes referenter. Stor respekt til de, der har kunnet referere uden at flække af grin.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
- ______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
- ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
- ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
- ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
- ________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
- __________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
- __________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shiттing me?
- ________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
- ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
- ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
- __________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
- ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
- _____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
- ________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be оrаl, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Оrаl...
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.