Baby Jokes - Page 4

Do you know why babys cry when they are born?
Because they know they are entering the world with Chuck Norris in it.

37 0

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ?
The logician replies: "yes".

37 0

Programmer Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes Math Jokes Baby Jokes

How do Asians name their babies?
They throw a can down the stairs.

37 0

Dark Humor Jokes Asian jokes Baby Jokes Morbid jokes

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Реnis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...

36 0

Friendship Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Management Jokes Baby Jokes

Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half."
Me: [visibly confused]
Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."

36 0

Nurse jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Baby Jokes

Our baby was born last week.
When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.

36 0

Parent Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes College jokes Baby Jokes

What do you call a baby potato?
A small fry.

36 0

Food Jokes Funny Riddles Baby Jokes

"Yes brother," says Раddy.
"Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Мiск.
"It'll be an honour to do that for you Мiск," says Раddy.
A month later Раddy calls Мiск.
"Hello Мiск, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Раddy.
"That's wonderful Раddy, what did you call them?" says Мiск.
"I called the girl Deniece," says Раddy.
"And what did you call the boy?"
"I called the boy De nephew."

36 0

Business jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Baby Jokes

Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm

36 0

Kids Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Baby Jokes

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: He was stuck to the chicken's foot.

35 0

Animal Jokes Gross Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby?
It's annoying when it comes out black.

34 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Baby Jokes Black People Jokes

One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?”
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”

34 0

Pet Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes Dog jokes

Two gаy men decide to have a baby.
They mix their sреrм and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.
''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.''
''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his аss.''

33 0

School Jokes Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Baby Jokes Nurse jokes

A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."

33 0

Kids Jokes School Jokes Baby Jokes

Q: What does a baby computer call its dad?
A: Data

33 0

Computer Jokes Dad Jokes Baby Jokes

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sеx education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sеx education on TV.
Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. Great, said the teacher, that's very important.
Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. Well, that has to do with it too, said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sеx education. Yes it does, said Johnny, it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne.

32 0

Sports Jokes Jokes about Women School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A blonde couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".

32 0

Blonde Jokes College jokes Baby Jokes Couple jokes Japanese Jokes

A conversation among my Children's Church a while back.
A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!"
The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"

32 0

Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Church jokes Baby Jokes

Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with.
JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me."
JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father."
BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!"
JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?"
BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto."
JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."

32 0

Judge and Court Jokes Animal Jokes Baby Jokes Dinosaur jokes

Q: How do you know if your baby is dead?
A: Your 3-year-old daughter has put on allot of weight in the last day or two.

32 0

Baby Jokes Morbid jokes Dead baby jokes