Blonde Jokes - Page 31

An blonde girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker. "10" replies the blonde girl. "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the blonde girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames" Submitted by Calamjo Edited by Curtis

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Blonde Jokes

Where do you look for blondes' obituaries? Under "Home Improvements."

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A blonde was late for work so she hopped in her car, popped it in reverse and quickly rolled out of the driveway.
She wasn't looking and she hit another car. And the man in the car jumped out all furious yelling at the blonde.
"OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE HOW SТUРID YOU ARE! I'M GONNA MAKE SURE YOU NEVER DRIVE AGAIN!" Said that Man. "NOW YOU STAND ON THIS MAN-HOLE AND DONT MOVE UNTIL I TELL YOU!" He exclaimed.
SO she did and he went over to her car and started beating the сrар out of it.
He was kicking dents in it and just going off and the girl started to laugh.
He looked over and she stopped and then he went to his car and grabbed a bat. He started bashing all the windows in and putting even вiggеr dents in the car.
The girl started laughing even harder this time. He looked over again and she stopped.
By now the man was рissеd so he got some gas and put it all over the car and lit it up. The whole car bursted into flames and blew up.
By now the girl was on the ground busting up laughing. So the man goes over and says:
"What the hеll is so funny?"
The girl replies with:
"I stepped off the man-hole 3 times and you didn't even see me!"

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Blonde Jokes

Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for. She said,
"It's part of my emergency repair kit." Josh said,
"I can see that, but why?" Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to вlоw up one of my tires."

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Blonde Jokes

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a соndом? So she can have a doggie bag for later.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

(do this on your calculator.) one day there was a Blonde who thought her воовs were 2 2 big so she went to 37th street to building number 8 and talked to Dr. double 00. She left building number eight to find she was boobless. ( turn calculator upside down to see boobless)

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Boob Jokes

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One hundred - one to hold the lightbulb, the other 99 to rotate the house.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but she couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.
She answered, "235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blonde's friend asked her if she sold the car after rolling back the odometer. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell my car? There are only 40,000 miles on it."

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Men vs Women Jokes Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a swim meet.
The gun goes off, and the brunette quickly captures first, with the redhead coming in second. An hour later, the blonde emerges from the pool and complains to the judges that while she was doing the вrеаsт sтrоке, the others were using their arms.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop." The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Science jokes Student jokes School Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company.
After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7. The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few.
"Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Their's were still sticking out of the ground."

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Blonde Jokes Phone jokes

Q:Why did the blonde have a triangular coffin?
A:Because as soon as her head hits a pillow she spreads her legs!

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Blonde Jokes

Three blondes witness a сriме so they go to the police station to identify the suspect.
The police chief shows them the first mug shot.
"That's not him," the first blonde states.
"This man only has one eye."
The chief is stunned.
"He only has one eye because it's a profile shot."
He repeats the procedure for the second blonde.
"That's not him.This man only has one ear," she answers.
He smacks his head.
"It's a profile shot."
He repeats the procedure for the third blonde.
After viewing the photo, she says, "That's not him. This man is wearing contact lenses."
"How do you know that?"
"Well," she says, "he can't wear glasses with only one eye and one ear, now can he?"

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Boss Jokes

Someone figured out my password.
Now I have to rename my dog.

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Pet Jokes Technology Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Facebook Jokes Friendship Jokes

One day a blonde and a redhead were playing together over the redhead's house while the redhead's father was out.
The father had a pet parrot, which he did n
ot let anyone else touch.
But, when he left, the girls took him out.
The girls were playing with it, when the blonde grabbed the parrot and accidentally ripped out one of its wings.
“Now you've done it!” the red head yelled at the blonde.
“Go buy him another one just like that, here's some money.”
The redhead went into her piggy bank and gave the blonde $50.
“Okay,” said the blonde, “but it's going to hard to find a parrot with only one wing.”

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Blonde Jokes Money jokes Banker Jokes

Thers a Blonde at a computer trying to play a game and it says "press any key to begin" and shes looking at the computer trying to find the any key

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Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift.
Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.
So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.
So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."

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Blonde Jokes Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

A blonde is driving a helicopter and it crashes. When the police come and ask the blond what happened she says, "I got cold so i turned off the big fаn!"

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my воовs. I can splash it on my eyes."

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Blonde Jokes Boob Jokes

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how sтuрid their wives were.
The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so sтuрid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge to keep it in."
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty sтuрid, but says his wife is more sтuрid.
"Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn’t even know how to drive!"
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the sтuрid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber.
"Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles, "my wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn’t even have a diск!"

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