Church jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that dамn gun..."

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Church jokes News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Priest Jokes

A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church.
He got colt feet.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Church jokes

One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening to a holy station on the radio. They were about 98 years old and so frail, they couldn't walk to church.
The preacher said, ''If you put one hand on the radio and one hand on whatever you want healed I will heal it for you.''
So the old woman put one hand on the radio and one hand on her heart.
The old man tried to not let the old woman see but he put one hand on the radio and one hand on his реnis.
The old woman looked over and said, ''He said he could heal, not raise the dead!''

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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Church jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night?
A: Pastor Bedtime.

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Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Church jokes

Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can finally call someone father

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Church jokes

One morning I called my girlfriend and his father picked "Hello who are you?"
I heard that heavy voice and quickly replied a while "hey Eric where are you the choir is about to begin?"
"What choir?" he asked.
"Come on Eric stop kidding around and get your аss over here" the father then replied
"Sorry am not Eric and I don't know what you are talking about I am dr Stephen" he said.
I then said "oh sorry I must have misdialled"
I then hang up and decided I am never gonna call that girl again...

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Church jokes Relationship Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes

The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church.

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Dark Humor Jokes Church jokes

The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

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Church jokes Priest Jokes Priest Jokes

What do you call a sеx offender attending church? A priest

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Church jokes Priest Jokes

what do you call a burning church?
Holy Smokes

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Church jokes

Father:
"The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!"
Priest:
"Ok, what about the children?“
Father:“FUСК THE CHILDREN"
Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”

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Church jokes Priest Jokes

When you're at church to pray, but temptation is right there waiting.

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Church jokes Dirty jokes

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

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Church jokes Religion jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes

I always hated being born a catholic as a kid, the way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church, I was always thinking “for God’s sake just pick a position and fuск me”

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Church jokes Catholic Jokes

Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father

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Church jokes

Why do orphans go to church on family day?
cuz they get to spend time with their father

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Church jokes

Why was there a box in a church because their was a funeral

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Church jokes

Why aren’t there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.

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Church jokes

You’d think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.

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Church jokes Catholic Jokes