Coffee Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Jokes about Women Insult Jokes Life Jokes Coffee Jokes
В един самолет пилотите разговарят помежду си, но забравили да изключат микрофона към пътническия салон: По време на полет двамата пилоти разговарят: Лети самолет и двамата пилоти си говорят, но са забравили включен микрофона. Единият казва: Пилот Пилотот и копилотот разговараат за време на лет: - Да пиеме по едно кафе и после да ја „опнеме“ стјуардесата? - Може, може... Арно ама, микрофоните биле вклучени и разговорот се слушнал во целиот... Thank You For Flying With Us On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto." He forgets to switch off the... A pilot got on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and said to the passengers, "Folks, welcome aboard flight seven eighty-nine to Cleveland. We'll be flying at thirty-five-thousand feet, and... Despega un vuelo. El capitán de la nave les da la bienvenida a los pasajeros, les informa sobre el vuelo y el estado del tiempo y por último se despide deseándoles un muy agradable viaje.... Пилот с трудом отрывает самолет от земли и, с облегчением откинувшись на спинку, забыв выключить микрофон, произносит: В кабине самолета пилот не выключил громкую связь, и говорил второму пилоту: Салон самолета. Пилоты сказали всю инфу и забыли выключить микрофон. На весь салон: - Ну, сейчас чайку попьем, потом стюардессу тр@хнем. Стюардесса бежит к кабине пилотов, ее останавливает бабка: - Да не торопись ты так, доча, они же сказали - сначала чай попьют! 3000 Meter über dem Atlantik Der Flugkapitän macht seine Durchsage und vergisst das Mikro auszuschalten. "Jetzt trinke ich erstmal einen Kaffee, und dann kann mir die neue Stewardess einen blasen." Die Fluggäste hören... Dans un avion ayant atteint son altitude de croisière, le commandant de bord branche le micro et annonce aux passagers: Au bord d'un avion sur le point de décoller, le pilote passe une annonce au micro : - Bonjour Mesdames et Messieurs, notre avion a destination de Rio est sur le point de décoller, veuillez faire attention à ce que votre de ceinture de sécurité soit bien attachée. Après son annonce passée, le... H γριά και η αεροσυνοδός. Ο καφές και το μο**ι...... Ο πιλότος ετοιμάζεται για απογείωση . LA HOSTESS E L’AUDIO. Aereo in partenza, controlli di routine fatti, il Capitano annuncia la partenza del volo... si dimentica di spegnere il microfono, quindi si rivolge al 2° pilota e gli dice: bene ora potremmo berci una bella birra fresca, poi farci una sveltina con la hostess e quindi... Uçak new york’a yaklaşırken iki pilot konuşmaktadırlar. ne var ki mikrofon açık kalmıştır ve konuşulanlar bütün yolcularca dinlenmektedir. - New york’a iner inmez, önce ılık bir banyo yapacağım.... Стюардеса привітала пасажирів на борту, забула мікрофон в кабіні пілотів та роздає цукерки в салоні. В салоні чути розмову пілотів. — Висоту набрали, включаю автопілот, а ти слідкуй за приборами. Я... O piloto do avião abre o microfone e fala: — Senhores passageiros, vamos agora voar a 35 mil pés. Caso ocorra alguma pequena turbulência, não se assustem por que isso é normal, pois estamos... Flyg mot Gran Canaria. Piloten tar mikrofonen och berättar för sina passagerare att flygningen mot Gran Canaria är påbörjad, vilken väg dom skall ta och beräknad ankomst. När detta är gjort önskar... Aan het eind van de vlucht neemt de piloot afscheid van de passagiers, maar vergeet de microfoon af te zetten. Tegen de tweede piloot zegt hij: "als we geland zijn, ga ik eerst douchen, eten en... De piloot van een vliegtuig is vergeten de intercom uit te zetten. Als ze eenmaal vliegen op de automatische piloot, zegt hij: "Ah, nu heb ik echt eens zin in een kop koffie en een lekkere... Finnairin koneen perämies unohti laskeutumiskuulutuksen jälkeen mikrofonin päälle. Matkustamossa matkustavat kuuluivat selvästi seuraavat suunnitelmat: " Heti kun on kone kuitattu ulos, meikä... A pilóta felszáll, átkapcsol robot pilótára, nyújtózik egy nagyot, de a Mikrofont bekapcsolva felejti és így szól: - Most iszom egy kávét, utána jól megdugom a kis szőke stewardesst. Hátul a... În avion, pilotul vorbeşte cu copilotul: - După ce îmi beau cafeua, mă duc să fac dragoste cu stewardesa aia blondă! Stewardesa aude şi fuge să-i spună pilotului că a uitat microfonul deschis şi se...
Dirty jokes Men jokes Pilot Jokes Aviation Jokes Coffee Jokes
Blonde Jokes Coffee Jokes Boss Jokes
Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Fat Jokes Ugly Jokes Coffee Jokes
Blonde Jokes Coffee Jokes
Dear John, I am sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your IBM computer entered our lives two years ago. The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and the back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out. I am also doing well. I went blonde about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really is more fun. Lars--I mean Mr. Swenson, the department head, has taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all. I have discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed around, although that feather duster does make you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut air holes in the drop cloth so you wouldn't smother. Well, dear, I must be going. Uncle Lars - Mr. Swenson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of thing while we are away. She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup, and bring your meals to your desk, -just the way you like it. I hope you and IBM have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jen and I think of you often - try to remember us while your disks are booting. Love, Angela.
School Jokes Blonde Jokes Coffee Jokes
Баща към дъщеря си: Една баба влиза в аптеката. Една баба влегува во аптека и ѝ вели на аптекарката: - Ќерко, дај ми таблети против главоболка! Еве, од овие белите со сината лентичка! - Бабичке тоа се таблети за контрацепција! – Возвраќа... An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken... Un doctor que había estado viendo a una viejecita de 75 años durante muchos años, se retiró. Cuando la viejita vuelve a su control mensual, el nuevo doctor le pidió que trajera una lista de todas... Una señora compra todos los días una caja de píldoras anticonceptivas. El farmacéutico, sorprendido, le pregunta: - Dígame, señora, ¿para qué necesita tanta cantidad? - Es que las uso para el dolor... Una abuela entró al consultorio del médico. El doctor le preguntó por qué estaba allí, ella respondió: - Me gustaría que recetara píldoras anticonceptivas. Desconcertado, el médico pensó por un... В аптеку заходит пожилая женщина: - Jag förstår inte frun, ni vill ha p-piller som lugnande medel ... Men p-piller har ingen lugnande verkan! - Jodå, det har de visst, doktorn. När min dotter går ut på kvällarna ger jag henne ett...
Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Coffee Jokes
Coffee Jokes
Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Money jokes Business jokes Friendship Jokes Customer service jokes Coffee Jokes
Q: How do you break a Bill Clinton supporter's finger? A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: What does Jeffrey Dahmer's victims and The Clintons' hair styles have in common? A: They both look like the work of a butcher.
Q: If The Clinton's were younger, do you think they would have known the Clampents? A: Possibly, Bill might have made Jethro's acquaintance in the 6th grade.
Q: Why doesn't Hillary cut Bill's hair? A: He won't pay her $300.
Q: What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton? A: His face.
Q: What is the Arkansas state flower? A: Gennifer.
Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours? A: Put Janet Reno in charge.
Q: What's the difference between a Bill Clinton and a carp? A: One's a sсuм suскing bottom feeder and the other's a fish.
Q: What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull? A: The pit bull doesn't carry a briefcase.
Q: How does Bill Clinton say "I'm about to hurt you"? A:"Trust me."
Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda? A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a соw? A: By the wise look in the eyes.
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies? A: He's the stiff one.
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two--One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and one to obscure the issues.
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None--He'll only promise "change."
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: He doesn't! He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames Republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Because they're sending their turkey to the White House!
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Because they can't afford any more pork.
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans.
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: They've been having turkey for years.
Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Because Clinton "invested" all the turkey.
Q: What were Bill and Chelsea Clinton doing in the voting booth? A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in Civics, how to ruin the people!
Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did? A: A dead girlfriend.
Q: What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee--If No Recovery!
Q: How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet? A: They were dating the same girl in high school.
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying? A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is telling a lie by looking at his face? A: If his lips are moving, then he's lying.
Q: What do Bill Clinton and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common? A: Neither one is very bright.
Q: What does Clinton do to lose weight? A: Runs away from the draft.
Q: How can you tell when Clinton is ready for battle [in Bosnia]? A: He's got his jogging suit on.
Q: What's Clinton's favorite baseball team? A: The Dodgers.
Q: What's Bill's fondest wish now? A: That someone would wave a hand at him using more than one finger.
Q: What's a Clinton sandwich? A: Pure bologna piled high and deep.
Q: Why do they always fly around a live turkey in a cage on Air Force 1? A: For spare parts.
Q: Did you hear that the Clinton's had Air Force 1 remodeled? A: Now it's got two left wings.
Q: Why is Bill Clinton called "middle of the road Democrat"? A: Because he's got a wide yellow stripe down the middle of his two-lane back.
Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist? A: Because it hasn't got a prayer.
Q: If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument, who'd land first? A: Who cares!
Q: How did Bill Clinton get a crick in his neck? A: Trying to save both faces.
Q: If Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized, who would be saved? A: The United States of America!
Q: Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to improving jails? A: Because when his term is through, he won't be going to school.
Q: Why does Chelsea look so sтuрid and ugly? A: Heredity.
Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school, the secret service would be out-gunned!
Q: What do Clinton and JFK have in common? A: They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years.
Q: What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone? A: He turned into Hillary!
Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to commemorate President Clinton's election? A: It's gonna be called the Dodge Drafter!
Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely? A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes President!
Q: How many Clinton administration officials does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb? A: Two--one to sсrеw the bulb into the water faucet while the other tells us that everything possible is being done to help the situation.
Q: How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes? A: None. The democrats do that.
Q: How many republicans does it take to disarm the law abiding public so that the government can enforce totalitarianistic and unconstitutional laws? A: None. The Sociali--Democrats do that.
Q: How many Clinton White House officials does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They like to keep him in the dark!
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
Q: What kind of neckwear does Hillary Clinton look best in? A: A noose.
Q: What kind of jewelry does Hillary look best in? A: Handcuffs.
Q: What Biblical and Renaissance characters does Hillary most resemble? A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.
Q: What's the best place to photograph Clinton Administration officials? A: A police lineup.
Q: What's a conservative? A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.
Q: What is a conservative? A: A liberal who's been mugged.
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? A: Chelsea.
Q: You know what the problem with political jokes is, don't you? A: They get elected.
Q: What famous Arkansas State Supreme Court decision is Hilary Clinton famous for? A: If you divorce your wife in Arkansas, is she still your cousin?
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton a miracle child? A: Because lawyers use their personalities for birth control.
Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To tax the chicken.
Q: Why can't Bill Clinton file a defamation of character suit against his critics? A: Because Bill Clinton has no character to defame.
Q: If called to testify in a trial how long will it before before Clinton commits perjury? A: When he's sworn in.
Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf? A: Depends on how many were photographed.
Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To meet the chick.
Q: How are Boris Becker and President Clinton alike? A: Both aren't as successful when they're not on grass.
Q: Did you hear they put two new faces on Mt. Rushmore? A: Yeah, they were Bill Clinton.
Q: Did you know that Clinton's cat can play Chess? A: Inside Information: The cat isn't really all that good at Chess. The last time they played best of five, Clinton won three games to two.
Q: Who would become President of the U.S.A if the President died? A: Bill Clinton of course!
Q: How does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?A: He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.Q: What do the Republicans have that Bill Clinton wishes he had? A: A mandate to govern.
Q: How can you tell that the guy who attacked the White house with a plane was insane?A: He seems to have thought Clinton would be in his own bedroom at night.
Q: What did Hillary tell Bill when the Paula Jones story broke? A: "You idiот! I told you to let Teddy Kennedy drive her home!
Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton made want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America? A: "Never! I'm not going to let my wife run the country!!"
Q: Why doesn't Bill like old houses? A: He's afraid of the draft.
Q: What's the differents between Bill Clinton and an elephant? A: About 20 pounds and a jogging suit.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh? A: Koresh only burned 85 people.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh? A: Some people still believe in David Koresh.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.
Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb? A: One--she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Q: What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver? A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.
Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House? A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
Q: When will there be a woman in the White House? A: When Hillary leaves town.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a container of yogurt? A: Yogurt has culture.
Q: What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas? A: Highway 55.
Q: Why does Clinton always have a sтuрid grin on his face? A: He is sтuрid!
Q: Why is Clinton prone to losing his voice? A: He keeps having to eat his words.
Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead? A: His heart stops bleeding.
Q: How does Al Gore spell potato? A: T-A-T-E-R.
Q: Why is Chelsea growing up a confused child? A: Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
Q: Why were there two presidential limousines in the inaugural parade? A: The first one held the real president while the second one contained the president's spouse, Bill Clinton.
Q: How has Clinton made his cabinet look more like America? A: Many of them have sixth grade reading levels.
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.
Q: How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents? A: He's the stiff one.
Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore's life? A: Grade six.
Q: If Rodham gets health care, Bentsen gets treasury, and Aspin gets defense, what does Gore get? A: Coffee.
Q: What will Bill's favorite retail outlet be after his economic blueprint takes effect? A: Everything's $100.
Q: What was the real purpose of Bill's college visit to Moscow? A: To study economics.
Q: What is Clinton's plan to create thousands of small businesses? A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.
Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school? A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission.
Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier? A: To promote off-shore drilling.
Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin? A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war.
Q: What does Clinton have in common with his Hollywood pals? A: They all make a living by lying to people.
Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide? A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses.
Q: Why are there more jokes about Waco than Jonestown? A: The punch lines were too long in Jonestown.
Q: What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common? A: They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".
Q: What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President? A: A competent liberal President.
Q: What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up? A: "Good morning, Bill."
Q: What has Clinton done that no one has been able to do in the last 5 years? A: Unite the Republican Party.
Q: Why did Clinton waffle on military action in Bosnia? A: His area of expertise is dodging armed conflict.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to destroy a light bulb? A: None. They only know how to destroy the taxpayers.
Q: When did Clinton's friends become sure that he had political ambitions? A: When he married outside of his family.
Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with former great Presidents? A: Absolutely nothing.
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis? A: Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army.
Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household.
Q: How is Clinton's health care reform a lot like his haircut? A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks.
Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy? A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
Q: Why were the Clintonites pushing the BTU Tax? A: Because they could spell it.
Q: What is the basement where White House staffers work called? A: The whine cellar.
Q: Why aren't Clinton White House staffers given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House? A: There is White-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers? A: There is writing on the White-out.
Q: What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: How is Bill Clinton like a passive-restraint device? A: He is a bag of air that is not on the driver's side.
Q: How is Bill like a character actor? A: When he shows character, he's acting.
Q: What is Hillary's favorite holiday? A: Summer Solstice.
Q: What do you get when you give Bill Clinton a penny for his thoughts? A: Change.
Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton with a gorilla? A: Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
Q: What is Clinton's favorite war song? A: "Over Here"
Q: What costume did Bill Clinton wear to a Halloween party that scared everyone to death? A: He came dressed as a two-term president.
Q: Why is Perot's wife glad he didn't get elected? A: If he won, they would have to move to a smaller house in a bad neighborhood.
Q: What is the difference between liberalism and socialism? A: Socialism is dead.
Q: What is the difference between Clinton's health care plan and a kidney stone? A: A kidney stone is easier to pass.
Q: What is the difference between Нiтlеr and Bill Clinton? A: Нiтlеr intended to deliver on his speeches.
Q: What is the difference between the U.S. and the former USSR? A: The U.S. still has a Communist Party in power.
Q: What does Clinton need to stop the white water? A: A water gate.
Q: Why are they renaming Arkansas Highway 50 the "Bill Clinton Highway?" A: The road is crooked, slick, and has a yellow stripe down the middle.
Q: What do Hillary Clinton and the Dallas Cowboys have in common? A: They both dominate Bills.
Q: What is the difference between TV characters Dan and Roseanne Conner and the Clintons? A: The Conners own their own home.
Q: What is the difference between Whitewater and Watergate? A: No one died in Watergate.
Q: What is Hillary's new nickname after her latest hairstyle? A: Oldielocks.
Q: What are the administration's favorite words in foreign policy? A: We have not ruled out military force.
Q: What would one get with a donation to Rostenkowski's legal fund? A: A free stamp.
Q: Why are staff cuts so difficult for Clinton? A: He can't give a woman a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.
Q: Which of the following does not belong: AIDS, gonorrhea, hеrреs, or Bill Clinton? A: Gonorrhea--it can be cured.
Q: Why was Roger Clinton's wedding delayed 5 days? A: The bride's father had to wait 5 days to buy the shotgun.
Q: How are Congressmen and baseball players alike? A: They are millionaires who work 3 hours a day and left in August not finishing what they had started.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Atlantic? A: To attend D-Day celebrations.
Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and James Dean? A: A man without a clue.
Q: How did we know long before the Haiti invasion that Clinton was planning to go to war? A: He visited Oxford.
Q: How is Bill Clinton like an unemployed school teacher? A: No class and no principals.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a pickpocket? A: A pickpocket snatches watches.
Q: What does Hillary have in common with the city of Buffalo? A: They both have Bills that are losers.
Q: Why does the Clinton administration want to reinvent government? A: They are having a lot of trouble dealing with the existing form...democracy.
Q: Who should Clinton have used to overthrow Haiti's military? A: John Elway.
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East? A: He thinks the Gaza Sтriр is a торlеss bar.
Q: Why does Hillary think her husband is a model president? A: Because a model is a small imitation of the real thing.
Q: What does Hillary Clinton have in common with Gerald Ford? A: They both became president without being elected.
Q: What's the difference between the Waco ATF and Bill Clinton? A: BIll Clinton burned 260,000,000 people.
Q: What do call someone who sees the glass in front of him half full? A: An optimist.
Q: Well, then what do you call someone who sees the glass in front of him as half empty? A: Teddy Kennedy.
Q: What did Teddy Kennedy say when he heard of JFK's assassination? A: He couldn't have been shot in the temple! We're not Jewish!
Q: Why did Ted Kennedy spend four hours in the voting booth? A: He thought he was in a confessional.
Q: Why did the Clintons switch from MCI to AT&T? A: They didn't have enough friends left to make a calling circle.
Q: What's the difference between President Hoover and Clinton? A: One promised a chicken in every рот and the other was an unpromising chicken who smoked рот.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from Bill Clinton.
Q: What's the difference between Clinton and Christopher Reeve? A: Clinton is dead from the neck up.
Q: Where are the two biggest airbags located? A: The White House.
Q: Who was the first liberal Democrat? A: Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been, and did it all on borrowed money.
Q: Did you hear that someone threw a bottle of вееr at Clinton? A: Yes, but it's ok. It was a Draft and he was able to dodge it.
Q: What's Bill Clinton's least expensive hobby? A: To sit in the Oval Office and collect dust.
Q: Did you hear that Tyson Foods has genetically engineered a new breed of chicken and named it in honor of Bill Clinton? A: It's a brainless, spineless, tar-and-feathers yellow chicken.
Q: Why is Bill Clinton the living proof of reincarnation? A: Because no one could get this sтuрid in one lifetime.
Q: Do you know why Clinton gave the Federal employees the day off on Wednesday? A: It was Secretaries' Day and he was too cheap to buy his a present!
Q: What's a word for Clintons '92 campaign A: A snow job.
Q: What will you get if Clinton's health bill passes? A: No Job.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb? A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!
Q: What's the best job a dumb blonde ever had? A: Vice-president of the United States.
Q: Have you heard about the new Bill Clinton doll? A: You pull a little ring and it never tells the same story twice!
Q: What do Hillary Clinton and Marie Antoinette have in common? A: Nothing . . . yet.
Q: Why does Hillary Clinton often wear turtle necks when attending Bill's speaking engagements? A: So you can't see her adam's apple move as he speaks.
Q: What's Clinton doing to make Americans happy? A: If you've paid your tax bill and have enough money left to feed your family--you're happy.
School Jokes Blonde Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Military Jokes Halloween Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Lawyer Jokes Coffee Jokes Beer Jokes American Jokes Bureaucrat Jokes American Presidents Humor
My wife left for her Father's home for vacation yesterday, when I was at my office.
When I reached home, I found this note stick on the television.
I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids and these are the instructions and warnings for you....
- No need to call your friends and cousins. Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa...
2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time...
Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom?
3 - Keep your spe cs in the box..
Last time around it was found in the refrigerator.
4 - Salary already paid to maid.
No need to be extra generous.
5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not?
Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs...
And our laundry person and milkman are also different.
6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kids'...
Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work....
7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright.
No need to go to that young lady doctor again and again.
8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have gone last month which you have already attended.
No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday..
9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days.
So sleep early....
10 - Stop smiling and being happy... as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee...
They all w ill be out of station in this period....
11. Do not knock on the doors of that KALMUHI Priya, next door, on pretext of asking Sugar milk coffee powder or so one.
I stocked all these in kitchen cabinet. rnrnAnd last but not the least.
12 - Don't try to be oversmart.. rnI may be back any moment without informing you.

Happy vacation
Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Coffee Jokes