Hotel Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning. He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch.
He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.
The old man slowly reached over and pushed the camel's testicles to one side and then released them, letting them swing to a stop.
"10:27" he said.
The archaeologist was stunned as he had never seen someone tell time like that before.
He rushed back to the hotel to find his colleagues and then brought them back to the town square to find the old man.
Having found him again, the archaeologist said, "I will give you this $50 bill if you'll show me how you tell time.
The old man pocketed the $50 bill and said, "OK, kneel down here with me and put your head close to mine. Now swing the camel's testicles out of the way. Now, can you see the clock on that building over there?"
Men jokes Life Jokes Hotel Jokes
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9- Iron".
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9-Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts his other club away, and grabs a 9-iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked!
He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3-wood."
The guy takes out a 3-wood, and boom! A hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom - tons of cash come sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me."
He figures, Why not? After all the frog did for him, it is a small price to pay. With the kiss, however, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Golf jokes Hotel Jokes
Тексасец на посещение в Япония си поръчва гейша за през нощта. They are going to play golf at the business meeting. The guy flies out there a day early. He's got all day in Japan so he decides he wants to get himself a geisha. He goes to a house of ill repute and finds what he's looking for. He takes her in back and starts doing his thing. The girl... An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word... A man goes to Japan for a week for a job. That night in his hotel room he thinks, I'm going to be here for a week, might as well get a hooker. When they start she starts yelling "Nagasaki hai!"... Once there was a indian business man, anant. His boss was over in Japan at the moment and because there was a meeting he went over to Japan. Once he got there his boss sent him a key for a motel... Geschäftsmann in Japan Ein Deutscher, der auf Geschäftsreise ist, schleppt in einer japanischen Disko eine kleine hübsche Japanerin ab. Als sie später in seinem Hotel „voll dabei“sind, da schreit das Mädchen ständig... Un homme d'affaires américain se rend en France pour une réunion. Τάκα μάκα , τάκα μάκα ... Ένας επιτυχημένος επιχειρηματίας πάει στην Ιαπωνία για κάτι δουλειές. Φτάνει το απόγευμα και είχε την επόμενη μέρα ένα σημαντικό ραντεβού και μετά, σε περίπτωση που έκλεινε τη συμφωνία, μια παρτίδα... Un uomo, dopo un duro giorno di lavoro, decide che ha bisogno di un po’ di relax e decide di andare in una casa di appuntamenti. Non appena entrato la tenutaria gli dice: “Guardi che abbiamo una... De passagem por Tóquio, mesmo sem saber uma só palavra em japonês, o executivo brasileiro ainda assim conseguiu levar para o hotel uma garota que, por sua vez, só falava japonês. Na cama, o orgulho do nosso herói cresceu ainda mais, pois a garota não... Det stora lastfartyget lade till i en afrikansk stad. En av sjömännen som gick iland fick tag på en afrikansk skönhet, och det tog inte lång stund förrän de hamnade i säng. Under hela akten,... En golftokig svensk hade tagit ledigt från spelandet ett tag för att resa ner till Tokyos glädjekvarter. Han hade hört att japanskorna var något alldeles speciellt och det dröjde inte heller länge... Een zakenman gaat op reis naar Japan en na drie avonden alleen op zijn hotel kamer gezeten te hebben nodigt hij een dame van plezier uit. Hij gaat flink met deze dame aan de slag en op een gegeven... Een zakenman leert in een Japanse discotheek een knap japans meisje kennen. Ze gaan samen naar zijn hotelkamer en na een paar drinks gaan ze met elkaar naar bed. Tijdens de daad roept het meisje... Egy üzletember Japánba utazik, hogy új üzleteket találjon. Este, mivel unatkozik egyedül a hotelban, hív egy call-girl-t. A hölgy hamarosan megérkezik a szobájába, és rövidesen kellemes...
Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Hotel Jokes American Jokes
A man on a business trip to Las Vegas heard about how good the Las Vegas prostitutes were so on his first night there, he decided he would go out and try his luck.
He walked outside his hotel and looked up and down the street and saw an attractive girl standing on the corner.
He approached her and asked her if she is working tonight and sure enough she said "Meet me in room 804 across the street."
He was in luck.
She was a knockout.
They got to the room and he sat down anxiously on the edge of the bed.
She asked him what he wanted and he thought for a second, then said "How much for a hand job?" She said, "300".
His eyes popped open and he asked "300?"
She said, "Walk over to that window and open the curtains".
He proceeded.
"See that motel down there? I own it, and I didn't inherit it. I'm that good."
He was like, "well go right ahead honey".
So she proceeded to give him the best hand job he ever had.
After a little rest he thought, if that was that good..."How much for a вlоw job?"
She said "600". OH MY GOD! was his reply.
She told him to walk back over to the window.
"See that 15 story hotel?
I own it and I didnt inherit it. I'm that good."
He said "Well get to work then sweetie."
And sure enough he got the best вlоw job he ever received.
After a little "rebuilding" time he thought, if that was that good... "How much for sеx?"
She chuckled and said, "Honey, I'd own this whole dамnеd town if only I had a рussy."
Отива един мъж на прост*тутка. Влиза и пита: Влиза мъж при проститутка и пита за цената за анален секс. Като я чува изпада в ужас. This guy goes out to Las Vegas, and wins really big in one of the casinos. After winning fifty thousand dollars at the crap table, the casino decides to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite. The guy goes up to the room, opens the big double... пр.стит.тка приводит клиента к себе, тот хочет чего-то для него... Karl-Heinz hat Lust auf Oralsex und geht ins Bordell. Am Empfang wird er zur Gerda in den 1. Stock geschickt. "Hallo Gerda. Ich hätte gerne Oralsex. Kannst du das überhaupt?" Gerda geht mit ihm zum... Ήταν ένας βιομήχανος, λεφτάς και έλεγε στο φίλο του ότι θέλει να γαμήσει μια πουτάνα. Um cara, andando pelas ruas de Las Vegas vê uma figura maravilhosa. Ele inicia uma conversa amigável e acaba fazendo a grande pergunta: — Quanto você cobra? — U$500 a punheta. — O quê? U$500 por...
Office and Work Jokes Money jokes God Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Business jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Hotel Jokes
Sports Jokes Men jokes Masturbation jokes Hotel Jokes
Dirty jokes Men jokes Boob Jokes Hotel Jokes
Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Pilot Jokes Military Jokes Aviation Jokes Hotel Jokes
In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida.
Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami.
"Excuse me," she said to the manager. "My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks."
"I’m awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied."
Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out.
"What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there’s a room.
"Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."
"Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic."
"I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?"
"Jesus, Son of Mary."
"Where was he born?"
"In a stable."
"And why was he born in a stable?"
"Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!"
God Jokes Men jokes Jewish Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only."
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.
"We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin."
The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin."
Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick."
The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left.
Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Hotel Jokes
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely.
He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab."
He popped into a phone booth near 
the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. 
He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel.
When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call."
"Hello," the woman says.
She sounded sеxy. 
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sеx. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Chocolate Jokes Phone jokes Hotel Jokes
Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Wedding jokes Love Jokes Hotel Jokes
Двама били заедно, на сутринта дамата пита: Срещат се двама в бара, хихо-хахо, айде на "кафе". Анестезиолог A guy and a girl met at a bar. A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist” The guy,... Two doctors are having s*x, he says to her, "You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after." She replies, "Well you must be an anesthetist, because I didn't feel a f*cking thing!" Buen dentista Un chico y una chica se encuentran en un bar. Se llevan tan bien que deciden ir a un lugar más privado, al apartamento de ella. Un par de copas más tarde, el chico se quita la camisa... Despues de hacer el amor ella le pregunta a el: - Papi tu eres anesteciologo?- El sorprendido dice: - Si,xq lo preguntas?- - Xq yo no senti un ****- Jajaja но отдыхе он и она толком не успели познакомиться, но уже оказались... Утро. Южный приморский город. Курортный роман. Интеллигентная пара (за 40) проснувшись, принимает водные процедуры. Von Beruf Anästhesist Un homme et une femme se rencontrent dans un bar. Ils discutent un peu et puis comme cela arrive dans la vie, ils décident d'aller chez la femme. Une femme et un homme font l'amour. Après l'acte sexuel, l'homme demande : C'est un séminaire médical. Au cours d'un des nombreux banquets prévus, un médecin homme repère un médecin femme. Ils font connaissance, et elle accepte un rendez-vous pour un dîner au restaurant en tête à tête. Au restaurant, avant de s'asseoir à la... Un couple a fait l'amour pour la première fois. Après tout ça, le mec demande à sa copine qui va se laver les mains : - Dis-moi, tu voudrais être infirmière plus tard ? - Non. Pourquoi ? - Parce... Ο καταδρομέας.. Σε ένα συνέδριο γιατρών ένας άντρας και μια γυναίκα κοιτάζονται επίμονα. Ο άντρας της προτείνει να πάνε για δείπνο και αυτή δέχεται. Στο εστιατόριο αυτή ζητάει συγγνώμη και πηγαίνει να πλύνει τα... Due medici dopo un congresso scopano a letto. Alla fine lui dice: “Dall’abilita’ delle tue mani scommetto che sei ginecologa!”. Lei: “E tu anestesista!”. “Ma come fai a dirlo?”. Lei: “Non ho... W czasie stosunku siostra dyżurna mówi do lekarza dyżurnego: - Panie doktorze, pan to chyba jest anestezjolog! - Zgadza się, skąd pani to wie? - odparł lekarz. Na to siostra: - Bo nic nie czuję! De båda läkarna hade träffats på en kongress. Han var från Göteborg och hon var från Stockholm. De åt middag tillsammans och fortsatte i baren för att avsluta kvällen på hans hotellrum och i hans... Efter sexualakten säger söta Sara: - Du Klas. Är du narkosläkare eller....? Klas: - Nej, hurså? Söta Sara: - Jag kände ju för fasen ingenting... De mødte hinanden på en bar og vågnede op i samme seng. Jeg ved hvad du laver sagde pigen, du er pædagog. Ja, men hvordan vidste du det? På dit lilla undertøj. Nå sagde han, så må du jo være... Nākamajā rītā pēc pirmās nakts. Viņa: ?Kāda īsti ir tava profesija?? Viņš: ?Anesteziologs.? Viņa: ?Tagad skaidrs, kāpēc es neko nejutu.?
Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Hotel Jokes
Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Fishing Jokes Hotel Jokes
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.
I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him.
"I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed.
No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time."
Said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
Един моряк отишъл в хотел и поискал стая. Bir satıcı, küçük kasabaya geldiğinde artık saat çok geçtir ve şansına bulabildiği tek oteldeki tüm odalar tutulmuştur. Satıcı yalvarır: - "Tek bir yatağınız bile yok mu? nerede olsa yatarım."... Um vendedor chegou a uma cidadezinha do interior, e chegando no único hotel descobre que não há vaga. Suplica ao recepcionista qualquer lugar para poder dormir. Ele responde: — Olha... tenho um... Een handelsvertegenwoordiger, komt doodmoe aan in een kleine gemeente. Waar maar één hotelletje is. Tot overmaat van ramp, zijn alle kamers bezet. Hij smeekt de baas: "Zoek alsjeblieft een... Patru prieteni in Vacanta. La hotel, neavand prea multi bani, Hotarasc sa doarma cate doi in Camera. Unul din ei se stia ca sforaie atat de Cumplit, asa ca au convenit sa doarma in Camera cu el pe... Karel přijel do malého města, kde byl jen jeden hotel a všechny pokoje obsazené. Bylo asi jedenáct večer, a tak to Karel přeci jen zkouší: 'Pane recepční, přeci tu musíte mít alespoň jeden pokoj,...
Military Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Management Jokes Beauty Jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes American Presidents Humor
Some newly-weds arrive to the hotel and the girl very afraid tells her husband:
"Honey, I don't know nothing of this, can you help me, please?"
I will Honey, starting from this instant, we will call your thing the prison and my thing will we call the prisoner, so... we will put the prisoner in the prison"
And they throw the first one.
and the guy is laying face up on the bed, but the girl was delighted and tells her husband:
"Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!!!"
The guy not very delighted tells her:
"Lets put him into the prison another time!!"
And the second ...but the girl is very sweet-toothed and she tells him:
"!! Honey !!!... .The prisoner is out again!!!"
The man rises, with the legs like a recently born foal.
And they throw the third!!! He is laying on the bed, exhausted and the girl says:
"!!! Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!"
And he answers with his last breath:
"HEY !, It's not life imprisonment!!
Булката казва на младоженеца: A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Prison Jokes Love Jokes Hotel Jokes