Africa Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
FEMALE GEOGRAPHY
- Between 18 and 25, a woman is like Africa : wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile deltas.
- Between 26 and 34, a woman is like America : well-developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.
- Between 35 and 44, a woman is like India : sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.
- Between 45 and 54, a woman is like France : deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit.
- Between 55 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia : a lost war, haunted by the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is mostly the only answer.
- Between 61 and 65, a woman is like Russia : vast, with undefined frontier. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.
- Between 66 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia : a glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.
- After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan or the north pole: many know its whereabouts, but no-one dares to venture there…
MALE GEOGRAPHY
- Between 15 and 90, a man is like Zimbabwe or America : ruled by a diск…
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes USA Jokes Military Jokes Russian Jokes Africa Jokes Sexist Jokes
HOW YOU KNOW YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 1990'

1.) You tried to enter your password on the microwave.

2.) You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted."

3.) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

4.) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

5.) You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"

6.) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

7.) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

8.) You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.

9.) Your daughter just bought a C.D. of all the records your college roommate used to play.

10.) You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.

11.) You check your вlоw dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant.

12.) Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail Inbox, asking you to send her JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.

13.) You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Valentine's Day Jokes Africa Jokes Coffee Jokes Grandparent Jokes
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots."
Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?"
The guy says," Oh, I want them both now.
One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure.
He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing" says the bartender.
"What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that."
The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter.
Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock.
"That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man says "Sure he talks.
Hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"
Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Africa Jokes
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost.
Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks, "Uh, oh!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard. "That was close! That poodle nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!" Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear. "Where's that dамn monkey?" the poodle says. "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Animal Jokes Africa Jokes Dog jokes
ООН проведе глобална световна анкета с въпрос: Анкета La ONU acaba de finalizar la encuesta mundial más grande de su historia. La pregunta única fue: - Por favor, diga honestamente que opina de la escasez de alimentos en el resto del mundo? Los... Die UNO hat eine weltweite Umfrage durchgeführt. Die Frage lautete: "Geben sie uns bitte ihre ehrliche Meinung zur Lösung der Nahrungs-Knappheit im Rest der Welt ab." Die Umfrage stellte sich, nicht unerwartet, als Riesenflop heraus: In Afrika... Τελικά η έρευνα απέτυχε παταγωδώς. Η αιτία; Ερώτηση στον ΟΗΕ... Υπόλοιπος κόσμος A ONU resolveu fazer uma pesquisa em todo o mundo. Enviou uma carta para o representante de cada país com a pergunta: "Por favor, diga honestamente qual é a sua opinião sobre a escassez de alimentos no resto do mundo". Mas pesquisa foi um grande fracasso. Todos os países europeus não entenderam... Światowy Ruch Przetrwania postanowił przeprowadzić sondaż zadając ludziom następujące pytanie: - Powiedz proszę, jaka jest Twoja opinia na temat podziału żywności w innych krajach świata. Rezultaty... FN skickade ut en enkät om hur man skulle kunna lösa bristen på mat i världen. Frågan löd: - Ge oss din ärliga åsikt om hur en lösning på bristen på mat i övriga världen skulle kunna se ut. Den...
Nationality Jokes Insult Jokes Food Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes Africa Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes
Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion Barry: "The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low сriме rate."
"First, it was not a sтriр bar, it was an еrотiс club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
"Вiтсh set me up."
"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."
"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria, or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"
"People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to кill me than who want to кill the president? I can assure you there are."
"The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sасrifiсе."
"I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican."
"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"
"People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!"
"I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man."
News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes Africa Jokes Christian Jokes American Presidents Humor
Artery:
Study of paintings Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria Barium: What to do when treatment fails Воwеl: Letter like A E I O or U Ceasarean Section: District in Rome Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Coma: Punctuation Mark Congenital: Friendly D & C: Where Washington is Dilate: To live long Enema: Not a friend Fester: Quicker Genital: Non-Jewish Hang Nail: Coat Hook Impotent: Distinguished, well known Labor pain: Hurt at work Morbid: Higher offer Nitrate: Cheeper than day Node: Was aware of Outpatient: Person fainted Post op: Letter Carrier Recovery Room: Place to apholster Rестuм: Dang near Killed Him Rheumatic: Amorous Secretion: Hiding something Tablet: Small table Terminal Illness: Sick at Airport Tibia: Country in North Africa Tumor: More than One Urinе: Opposite of 'you're out' Varicose: Nearby Vein: Conceited
Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Blonde Jokes Friendship Jokes Aviation Jokes Africa Jokes
Чапай и Петка в Испания. Двама ловци си говорят. Единят казва: J ohn came back from a safari in Africa. Upon arrival, he went to his friend Mark, and told him of his adventures. “I was out in the jungle,” he said, “when all of a sudden I heard a noise in the... Iba yo caminando por la selva cuando, de repente, me salió un león. El miedo me dominó y eché a correr para librarme de él. Cuando parecía que ya iba a darme caza, el león se deslizaba, y yo corría... Urlaub in Afrika Sagt ein Mann zum anderen: "Neulich war ich in der Wüste. Da kommt mir plötzlich ein Löwe entgegen. Ich renn los. Auf eine Palme zu, der Löwe rutscht aus. Ich renn weiter, der Löwe rutscht aus. Da... Λιοντάρι Ο κυνηγός και το λιοντάρι Al rientro da un viaggio in India dove ha fatto escursioni all'interno della giungla un cacciatore racconta ad un conoscente: "Un giorno mentre stavo rientrando al mio bungalow mi sono ritrovato davanti una tigre, quindi non ho perso tempo: ho inforcato il fucile ed ho sparato, ma purtroppo... O sujeito volta de um safari e comenta suas aventuras com um amigo: — Rapaz! Eu estava no meio da selva, quando de repente ouço um barulho. Olho para trás e vejo um leão enorme, lambendo os beiços....
Africa Jokes
USA Jokes Africa Jokes Boycott Jokes
A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe there. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sеxuаl sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!!
One day, the wife of one of the Tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary. “You have taught us of the evils of sеxuаl sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what has been going on!”
The missionary replies: “No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”
The chief pauses for a moment then says, “Tell you what, you don’t say anything about the sheep, I won’t say anything about the white child.”
На вожда на африканско племе му се ражда бяло дете. Вика той белия мисионер и му вика: На африканскиот главатар му се родило бело дете White priest goes and lives with an African tribe. He spends his days teaching the way of the lord. After several years, a village woman gives birth to a white baby. A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science and mathematics. Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary living with a tribe of black natives. One day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into his hut, where he was... Un misionero español viaja a una tribu del Congo, donde solo hay negros. A los nueve meses de estar allí la hija del jefe de la tribu tiene un hijo blanco, rubio y ojos azules. el jefe de la tribu... In einem Dorf im TIEFEN Afrika lebt als einziger weißer ein Missionar. Eines Tages kommt ein Eingeborener zu ihm und fragt: Der Häuptling in einem afrikanischen Dorf ist entsetzt. Seine Frau hat gerade ein weißes Kind zur Welt gebracht. Sofort ruft er den einzigen Weißen, einen Misionar zu sich und sagt: "Meine Frau hat... Cela se passe en Afrique. Dans ce village, se trouve un seul blanc : le père Joseph. Un jour un des villageois aborde le père Joseph pour une plainte. – Écoute mon pe’e, j’ai un petit p’obleme. Ma femme vient d’avoi’ un fils, et il est blanc. Comme tu es le seul blanc dans la ‘egion, je viens te... Dans le village centre-africain naît un bébé blanc. Le papa vexé se pose des questions et trouve une réponse alors il va voir le missionnaire, seul blanc dans la tribu. Le missionnaire lui explique... Ca se passe en Afrique noire, un noir arrive chez le médecin blanc. Il (le noir) tient dans sa main un nouveau-né blanc, et dit, furieux, au médecin : - Ma femme avoir accouche d'un enfant blanc.... Dans un village africain peuplé de d’africain bien noir, il n’y a qu’un seul blanc, le prêtre. Mais alors Moumoud, père de 5 enfants vient d’avoir son 6ème enfant qui est tout blanc, tout furieux... Un scientifique blanc étudie une tribu en Afrique Un jour, la femme des chefs de tribu a un fils blanc. Le chef de tribu s’approche du scientifique peu de temps après. « Eh bien, nous savons tous... Ο λευκός ιεραπόστολος ζούσε ειρηνικά σε ένα Αφρικάνικο χωριό εδώ κι ένα χρόνο περίπου. Μια μέρα ο αρχηγός του χωριού τον κάλεσε στη σκηνή του για να συζητήσουν για ένα μεγάλο πρόβλημα. - Τι... Un infuriato uomo di colore di una tribù africana va dal prete missionario che si trova lì con loro e gli dice: "Fratello tu dovere dare me spiegazione, mia donna avere partorito bimbo bianco e tu... Um padre tinha ido evangelizar na África Negra, há alguns anos... Um dia, ele encontra uma aldeia tão atrasada que os habitantes nunca haviam visto um homem branco. Ele decide então fixar-se ali... Nasce uma criança branca numa aldeia da África. O chefe da tribo manda chamar o missionário que era o único homem branco por ali: — Calma chefe, tudo nesse mundo tem explicação... E o chefe: —... Numa aldeia africana, nasceu uma criança branca. Imediatamente o Cacique mandou chamar o missionário, que era o único homem branco por ali. - Cacique quer explicação! - pediu ele, enfezado. O... Missionären Josef hade i flera år bott i en afrikansk stam. En dag kom Bongo till honom med sin nyfödda baby. - Josef, nu är jag förbannad! Jag har tio barn som är svarta, den elfte här är mulatt.... Een arts van artsen zonder grenzen wordt naar donker Afrika gestuurd om iets aan geboortebeperking te doen. Daar aangekomen blijkt er één opperhoofd te zijn en de rest alleen maar vrouwen. "Kijk",... Gaat een zendeling zieltjes winnen bij een afgelegen stam in Congo . Eerste kennismaking gaat een beetje stroef maar na een paar maanden is hij behoorlijk geaccepteerd en is de stam al aardig... Den hvide missionær i Afrika blev kaldt til høvdingen, som var rasende: "Min søster har lige født en hvid baby. Du er den eneste hvide mand her, så du må dø for din ugerning." "Jamen høvding,",... En svenske var hjelpearbeider i et sted i Afrika. En dag kom stammehøvdingen til ham og sa at en kvinne i landsbyen hadde født ett hvitt barn og han spurte om svensken hadde en forklaring på det. -... Jeden misionář přijel do střední Afriky a usadil se u jednoho kmene. Strávil tam více než rok. Učil je číst a psát a seznamoval je s křesťanskou vírou. Obzvlášť zdůrazňoval sexuální čistotu a... Vienas misionierius vienai Afrikos tautelei skelbė krikščioniškas idėjas. Skelbė jis metus, skelbė du... Viskas būtų buvę lyg ir gerai, nes vietiniai nelabai dėmesio į tai kreipdavo... Tik staiga... Vienas antropologas kelerius metus gyveno laukinėje Afrikos gentyje, tyrė jos papročius ir gyvenimo būdą. Ir taip jau atsitiko, kad genties vado žmona pagimdė beveik baltaodį vaiką. Genties vadas...
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes Christian Jokes Boss Jokes
A poor man told his wife, I am sick and tired of being poor, I am going to work overseas. So, he took off to Africa. A few years later, he returned. As he approached his house he got stunned with the luxurious and rich look of the house. He knocked on the door, the servant opened.
“Is the housewife in?” he asked. The servant replied: “Just a moment.” The wife comes out: Wife: Wow, my man, all dressed up as a rich man after these years.
Husband: Guess what? I am rich.
Wife: How?
Husband: I went to Africa, found people walk with no underwear and sleep on sand, so I began to make and sell underwear and beds. Due to the high demand, I got rich fast.
Wife: A man, with all of your strength, had to go all the way to Africa, making beds and underwear, to get rich, and I am a little woman that stayed here, without underwear and on a single bed…and I got REAL rich.
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes Africa Jokes