Men jokes - Page 51

There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night.
So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson.
She dresses up like Sатаn, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home.
The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face.
He just looks at her and says, ”You don’t scare me I am married to your sister!”’

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How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change a thing.

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Light bulb jokes Men jokes Catholic Jokes Life Jokes

Chuck Norris was supposed to star in the tv show 'Man vs Wild', but the network did not want kids thinking 'lava is safe to eat'.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before."
The legless man shakes his head.
Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before."
The legless man shakes his head again.
Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fuскеd before."
The legless man says, "No."
The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"

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Blonde Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viаgrа?
A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.

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Viagra jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way.
God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a теsтiсlе, a kidney, and one eye."
To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"

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Religion jokes Men vs Women Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

Men are like Bluetooth.
When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.

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Men jokes Men vs Women Jokes

A Canadian is on vacation and walks into a bar.
He sits on this HUGE stool and says to the bartender' man, I heard things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!' and orders a mug of вееr.
He gets a pitcher of вееr and asks the bartender, 'man, I heard that things are big down here in Texas but this is ridiculas!' and goes about drinking his вееr. He orders another and he gets really рissеd drunк.
Well, not too long later, he has to go to the bathroom really, really bad so he asks the bartender, 'Where is your washroom???'
The bartender says, down the hall, second door on the right.'
So the man climbs off the stool and stumbles down the hall and enters the second door to the left and falls in this huge swimming pool.
The man is struggling to stay afloat and screams 'DON'T FLUSH IT!!!

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Pet Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

My idea of balanced diet is вееr in each hand.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Beer Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

A guy is sitting in a bar and turns to the Asian guy next to him and asks:
"Hey do you know, Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu, Kung Fu or any of that shiт?"
Offended the Asian man replies: "What you think that just because I'm asian I know martial arts?"
The man replies: "Nah its because you're drinking my fуcking bourbon"

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Asian jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: what the hеll was I thinking?
‘Eighty per cent of married men cheat in America.
The rest cheat in Europe.’
Jackie Mason

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Funny Quotes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes

Q: How did the first man die from using Viаgrа?
A: The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.

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Viagra jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.

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Men jokes Men vs Women Jokes

What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat?
He had to get a new goat.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinаl to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot вiggеr than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."

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Dirty jokes Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."...

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Drug Jokes Dating Jokes Tax jokes

A man walks into a bar with a dog.
The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man.
"This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender.
"If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks.
"The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!"
"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"
"Bark!"
"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"Ruth!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man.
"I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"

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Animal Jokes Sports Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Dog jokes

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:
"That's Strange!"

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Lawyer Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
Have you ever tried to take a rib from a black man?

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Men jokes Black People Jokes