Phone jokes

A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
The receptionist: "What are you, an idiот?"
Redneck: "Why, is it required?"

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A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I’m afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this rescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes Phone jokes

I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor.
He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, "I have a new obstetrician."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Customer service jokes Phone jokes

Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement."
I did as instructed, and the system said, "Please enter your five-digit ZIP code."
After I put that in, I got a third message: "If you would like your information in English, press one."

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes

Me using the Siri app on my iPhone:
Me: "Siri, call my wife."
Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts."
Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife."
Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife."
Me: "Call my wife."
Siri: "Which wife?"

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Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes

Three blondes are stranded on an island.
A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish.
So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army.
The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off.
The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says,"Let's go over the bridge."

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Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes Military Jokes

"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sеx?"
"Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes

Jim is up north on a trip and his car breaks down.
He checks it out for a minute and being a mechanic he pretty quickly knows he needs a tow truck.
He opens his phone and has no signal so he starts walking.
A few minutes later he here's the bass of a car coming in the distance, bht dum dum do buh dum dum do.
He waits and sees a low riding car pull up next to him.
The windows roll down and smoke pours out.
He sees a bunch of empty вееr bottles.
The driver and his 3 passengers ask "hey man! Need a lift? We saw your car up the road?"
He thinks for a minute and decides not to go with them.
The ask what's wrong with the car the mechanic replies "uhh just piston broke that's all" the driven than replies "eh so are we man hop in!"

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Car and driving jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Phone jokes Beer Jokes

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.

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Fitness jokes Phone jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

My iPhone fell from the 20th floor.
Good thing it was in airplane mode.

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Technology Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes Aviation Jokes

If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice. Overnight an Asian will come to your house, fix the phone, eat the rice and then run away.

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Asian jokes Technology Jokes Phone jokes

A blonde's house is on fire.
She runs outside and yells, "Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"
Someone else yells, "Call 911!"
The blonde yells back, "What's the number?"

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Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes

A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida, vacation package we had booked for him:
He was expecting an ocean-view hotel room.
I explained that was not possible since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
"Don't lie to me," he said. "I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."

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Customer service jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes Hotel Jokes

Phone talk:
"Is your boss there?"
"No, he left on a trip."
"A recovery trip, huh?"
"I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir."
"What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss.
"Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"

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Office and Work Jokes Management Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane вооzе and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT!
NO hangover!
NO bad side effects.
Nothing!
Then the phone rings.
It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Dave says, "I feel great, how about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Dave says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No."
"Well, DON'T! 'Cause I'm in Perth!"

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Men jokes Office and Work Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Aviation Jokes Australia Jokes Fart Jokes Bad Habits Jokes Phone jokes

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said:
"I have a complaint!"
"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
Puzzled by her complaint the librarian asked:
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said:
"Ahhh... So you must be the person who took our phone book."

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Blonde Jokes Phone jokes

There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children.
We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt.
When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?"
My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone.
"We'll go in the limousine duммy."

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Dad Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Funeral jokes Sick and Death Jokes Phone jokes

Jimmy is calling Sergey, who he met at an international conference.
Jimmy: "Hi, I've hear there is minus 54 degrees Celsius."
Sergey: "Nonsense, not even minus 15!"
Jimmy: "But on CNN, they've just shown a thermometer..."
Sergey: "Ohh, ok, maybe outside."

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Russian Jokes Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Phone jokes

Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't.
Look at their oddball requests:
A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard.
A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german.
A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck.
A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes Dog jokes