School jokes, Teacher Jokes

A teacher in a political science class asked the students, "Who is the most powerful person in the US?"
A student answered, "The First Pet?"
The teacher then asked, "Why?"
The student explained, "Because, the president kneels before him, talks to him, listens to him, follows him, prefers him to office staff, looks after his wellbeing before the voters', cancels/defers official duties in favor of him, and boards Airforce One first."

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Q: What do college students and deer have in common?
A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.

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College jokes School Jokes

Professor: And now, Mr. Jones, what do you know about French syntax?

Student: I didn't know they had to pay any.

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College jokes School Jokes

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. For facilities, they had to use an outhouse. The little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and smelled all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the water.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and pushed. The outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.

The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?"

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree at the time."

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School Jokes Farmer Jokes Dad Jokes Banker Jokes

Little Johnny came home from school and heard the word "b*tch." He asks his mom what the word meant and she responds, "It means priest." The next day little Johnny comes home and hears the word "sh*t" and asks his dad what it means. His dad answers, "It means food on the table." At school, he hears the word "f*cking" and asks his mom what it means. She responds, "It means getting ready." The next day a priest came over for dinner and little Johnny opened the door and says, "Hey son of a b*tch. There's sh*t on the table and my parents are upstairs f*cking!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Food Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dad Jokes Priest Jokes

A college student stated, " I DON'T LIKE HISTORY."

"THERE'S NO FUTURE IN IT."

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College jokes School Jokes

One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, "Apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown." Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him but she calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, it's a potato, but I like your thinking," the teacher replies. "Okay the next one is long, yellow, and fairly hard." Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically but the teacher calls on Sally who say, "A banana." The teacher responds, "No, it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is irritated now so he speaks up loudly, "Hey, I've got one for you teacher. Let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and it's got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries, "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

"What are they doing?" she asked the tour guide.

"Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious lady asked the guide:
"So, what's the answer?"

The guide replied:
"One."

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College jokes School Jokes

Teacher:
"Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?"
Student:
"A heart attack."

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes Math Jokes

A new student at Harvard stopped an upperclassman and asked, "Where's the library at?"

The upperclassman said, "Never end a sentence with a preposition. Cops do it on TV, but it isn't proper, so to speak."

The new student said, "Pardon me. Where's the library at, МОRОN?"

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College jokes School Jokes

My daughter came home from school yesterday carrying a child’s artwork… “Look what I made daddy,” she said, “We were supposed to draw a scene from inside our house.”
I looked at it and said, “That’s nice sweetheart, but when have you seen a gorilla and a pink elephant standing under a waterfall in this house?”
“That’s not what that is daddy. That’s mommy and her friend Tyrone in the shower when you’re at work.”

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Friendship Jokes Cheating Jokes

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: OOF
Teacher: Is anyone missing.
Students: Your Parents

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Student jokes

A young high school girl is walking past a construction site when one of the builders yells out, “Hey gorgeous! Why don’t you come over here and sit on my face?
Without even blinking an eye,she yells back,”Why,sweetheart,is your nose вiggеr than your соск!!!”

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School Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Teacher: “Alright we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name”
That one kid putting Joe:
- _-
Teacher: Who’s Joe?
The whole class: JOE MAMA

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Anal Sex Jokes School Jokes

When I was a toddler, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” just after a swear word.
I’ll never forget the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.

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School Jokes Masturbation jokes

Teacher: Describe a penguin
Student: Black, White, Beak
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, No family
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes
Teacher: No! How does that describe a соw?
Student: It describes you tho.

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Money jokes Student jokes School Jokes

The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class:
“Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.”
She explained this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from “the lamb was sure to go” to “the lamb went with her.”
A few days later, she asked for an example of poetry or prose. Johnny raised his hand and said,
“Mary had a little pig, A hornery little runt,
He stuck his nose in Mary’s Clothes
And smelled her little . . .”
He stopped, turned to the teacher, and asked, “Do you want poetry or prose?”
“Prose!” the teacher said weakly.
So Johnny said, ” . . . Аsshоlе.”

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Funny Poems School Jokes

The kids filed back into class Monday morning.
They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then share with the class how they were successful.
Little Mary led off, “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “my sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my success.”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Little Sally was next, “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.”
“Very good, Sally,” said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467″ he said.
“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny .
“Toothbrushes?” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny , “I set up a chocolate chip cookie stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.
They all said, “This tastes like SНIТ!” Then I replied, “It is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”

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Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Chocolate Jokes School Jokes

A teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his one to 10 well. "Yes! Of course! My pop taught me, even more than 10!"
"Good. What comes after three?” "Four."
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. Now, what comes after, let's say 10?"
"A jack."

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."
The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"
Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs.".

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes School Jokes