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Vulgar jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vаginа?
A: A woman.
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A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground.
The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at.
The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing.
They father replies that the two spiders are having sеx.
It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other.
The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg.
The father says that they're both daddy long legs.
The son stomps on them, killing them.
The father asks why he did that.
The boy replies "I don't want any of that fаggот-аss shiт in my yard."
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Yo mama's so fат when she is having sеx, her partner doesen't know if it's in her вuтт or her воовs.
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Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *Walks away*
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Yo mama breath stanks so bad, instead of using baking soda, it smells like she uses baking аss!
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Why are crippled people always picked on? Because they can't stand up for themselves.
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Yo mama so fат when you have sеx with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.
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Yo mama so short when she smokes wееd she can't even get high
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Yo mama so fат you cant tell if she got a реnis or a vаginа.
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Yo mama so dамn ugly,her mom throw her out the hospital window when she was born and said"You ugly аss вiтсh".
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Who were the first two black women?
Aunt Jemima and Mother Fuскеr!
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Q: What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
A: A rooster says, "Соск-a-doodle-doo," and a blonde says, "Any c**k'll do."
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Yo momma is so fат, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!
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Roses are red "just like blood"
Violets are blue "just like when I stab your face and shuve it in poo"
So have you lurned that when I stab you blood comes out
And shows me 1 thing your shiт.
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Yo' Mama is so fат, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time, please."
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В ресторант, жена си накапва роклята с доматен сос: Жена проливает на себя тарелку с супом: Ein Mann und eine Frau sitzen zusammen im Restaurant. Жена и муж обедают. Жена проливает на себя борщ: Een man is aan het 't eten en morst een klad mayonnaise op zijn hemd. "Potverdorie", zegt hij, "ik zie er uit als een varken." "Ja, zegt zijn vrouw, en gesmost hebt ge ook al." Merge unul cu nevastă-sa să ia cina la restaurant. Farfuria de supă se varsă pe rochia ei cea nouă. Supărată şi aşteptând să fie consolată de soţul romantic, ea zice: - Uite cum arăt, ca o scroafă!...
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top:
"Oh no, I look like a pig!"
The man nods:
"And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
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Three couples are having a picnic.
One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey."
The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar."
Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
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Knock,Knock,
Who is there?
Pen!
Pen who?
is...
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Посред зима един рибар отива да лови риба. Един рибар отишъл за риба. Един рибар отива и пробива една дупка в леда. Hier gibt es keine Fische Ein Mann geht mit Angel, Eimer und einer Spitzhacke über eine Eisfläche. Als er anfangen will zu hacken, ertönt von oben eine Stimme: A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice. When she... Het is hartje winter en een Belg gaat vissen. Hij kijkt om zich heen en denkt: "Dit is een mooie rustige plek, hier ga ik vissen.... ik moet alleen nog een gat in het ijs zagen." Net als de Belg... Ein Angler geht aufs Eis, um zu Angeln. Mit einer Spitzhacke will er ein Loch in das Eis schlagen. Nach dem ersten Schlag hört er eine Stimme: „Hier gibt es keinen Fisch!“ Er schaut sich um und... Een blondje wou gaan vissen op het ijs. Ze had vele boeken over het onderwerp gelezen en schafte zich de nodige zaken aan en ze ging naar het ijs. Nadat ze haar comfortabele stoeltje op het ijs... Temel Kuzey Kutbuna gider. Buzda balık avlamanın çok popüler olduğunu duyar, hemen kendine bir olta alır ve bulduğu ilk geniş buzlu alanda işe girişir. Tam buzu kırmaya çalışırken gümbür gümbür bir... En blondin som i julklapp fått ett isfiske spö bestämde att hon skulle åka och testa det nya spöet. Tidigt nästa morgon så samlade hon ihop utrustningen och begav sig ut på isen. När hon nådde sin...
One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing. He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur. Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!"
He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone.
He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole.
Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!"
He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again.
"There's no fish there!" it booms.
He looks up nervously.
"G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks.
"No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuск out of here!"
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Преди секс вие си помагате един на друг за събличането, след секс се обличате сами.
Before sеx, you help each other get nакеd. After sеx you dress yourself.
Moral of the story: No one helps you once you're fuскеd.
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